Anyone else want to get better but it feels impossible?

[flowersforalgernon:]

Hi guys, I'm new here so I don't know how this works. Posting this as a vent and also to see if anyone is having a similar experience. Unsure how this site goes but if I'm going to throw a pity party for myself, a suicide forum might be a place for it lol. I'm posting this in the recovery section because I guess I haven't entirely given up hope to recover, though, at this point, it feels like it needs to be some kinda magical cure.

I don't know what's going to work, I'm desperate for something to change but deep down I know it won't. I don't enjoy anything, not even food. In fact, I hardly eat. I spend my days, as much as I can, asleep. I used to love films and TV but now when I watch them I get jealous of the characters because they are living their lives, and I'm not. There are no distractions from the way I'm feeling. I'm on meds but I swear they are making me stupid and I've always found therapists patronizing. I'm basically fucked. I wish my brain worked the way it used to and I wish I didn't hate myself. Life used to be easy and now I don't go outside. I find it hard to be around people because I have nothing to talk about, and yet I can't be alone. I'm in groundhog day!

Is anyone else in the same place? What, if any, distractions work?

 

[TheLastFemaphrodyke]

I don't feel there is anything wrong with me that needs to 'get better'. I would like to 'feel' better, to be accepted better, to be made to feel that I count as I am, who I am, the way I am, but other humans have made it impossible for me to feel good, or loved, or accepted, or wanted. If I were the last human on the planet, I would not want to die, hell, it would be paradise, enough supplies to last my entire life and no one to take my home from me, or my belongings, or letting me suffer or starve alone and cold. No one to pick on me or bully me. No one to charge me bills for the electric, water and gas and tell me I have to live in the dark and cold without any amenities because I am unworthy since I cannot make the kind of money they want me to make. So ask not what it is about me that I would like to 'get better', ask what it is about humanity that I would like to 'get better'. (please read the previous with tongue in cheek sarcastic realism)

Hi guys, I'm new here so I don't know how this works. Posting this as a vent and also to see if anyone is having a similar experience. Unsure how this site goes but if I'm going to throw a pity party for myself, a suicide forum might be a place for it lol. I'm posting this in the recovery section because I guess I haven't entirely given up hope to recover, though, at this point, it feels like it needs to be some kinda magical cure.

I don't know what's going to work, I'm desperate for something to change but deep down I know it won't. I don't enjoy anything, not even food. In fact, I hardly eat. I spend my days, as much as I can, asleep. I used to love films and TV but now when I watch them I get jealous of the characters because they are living their lives, and I'm not. There are no distractions from the way I'm feeling. I'm on meds but I swear they are making me stupid and I've always found therapists patronizing. I'm basically fucked. I wish my brain worked the way it used to and I wish I didn't hate myself. Life used to be easy and now I don't go outside. I find it hard to be around people because I have nothing to talk about, and yet I can't be alone. I'm in groundhog day!

Is anyone else in the same place? What, if any, distractions work?

Are you sure it is you and your brain? It is really hard to sore like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys.

 

[flowersforalgernon:]

I would like to 'feel' better, to be accepted better, to be made to feel that I count as I am, who I am, the way I am, but other humans have made it impossible for me to feel good, or loved, or accepted, or wanted. So ask not what it is about me that I would like to 'get better', ask what it is about humanity that I would like to 'get better'.

Are you sure it is you and your brain? It is really hard to sore like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys.

That's an astute way of putting it and I'm sorry that other humans have made you feel like that. Our society is structured to favor and even reward uncaring behavior, I agree that humanity needs to change. What about humanity would you improve?

Haha, I'll remember that phrase. Sadly no turkeys around these parts to place my issues on, if anything I've got a lot of support. It's been impossible for me to get to the root of why I'm feeling like this. I want to return to myself & my body but it feels like it's not my home anymore.

 

[TheLastFemaphrodyke]

That's an astute way of putting it and I'm sorry that other humans have made you feel like that. Our society is structured to favor and even reward uncaring behavior, I agree that humanity needs to change. What about humanity would you improve?

Haha, I'll remember that phrase. Sadly no turkeys around these parts to place my issues on, if anything I've got a lot of support. It's been impossible for me to get to the root of why I'm feeling like this. I want to return to myself & my body but it feels like it's not my home anymore.

Everyone gets a home to their liking, and it gets maintained properly; everyone gets food and clean water and clothing they feel comfortable wearing; cable and internet and all devices are provided so that everyone can be connected as much or little as each desires; no one has to leave their home if they choose not to as any communal work that might need to be accomplished can be done from home; there is no need for classes as everything is capable of being automated so that all humanity can enjoy the benefits of this planet equally; there is no economy, everything, all actions and each human is equal and deserving, those that cannot are done for, willingly, by those who can, because those that can do this, cannot do that and those that can do that, cannot do this, even those that seem they cannot do anything or simply do nothing are seen as the asset they truly are; there is no need for law enforcement, they only chase, imprison toruture and kill themselves, traffic is controlled by the roads and cars so they are not needed there, Unarmed Peace Officers respond to aid those in need and with all needs met, little to no crime exists and those that does is treated by surrounding the offender and praising the good things about them; all defense is done covertly by the Undercover Marine Force (they may be right next to you and you will never know). Most importantly, differences are welcomed, respected, admired and imitated as a form of celebration. Welcome to MY Planet.