Anyone else want to ctb due to financial struggles?

[Wildflower]

• Student loan debt: $35,000 (not terrible but my major is basically useless in terms of finding a job)
• Credit card debt: $6,000 (two accounts currently in collections; $2000 for being involuntarily committed following suicide attempt, $1000 for dental emergency, rest was for food/rent/medication/etc over past year)
• University fine: $1000 (for withdrawing from classes due to being suicidal)
• Owe therapist for 5 sessions
• Owe sister $200
• Owe friend $140
• Owe friend $20
• Owe roommate $20
• Owe coworker $20
• Owe coworker $10

I've been living off the cheapest rice/beans/potato diet for the past 6 months, and have lost 20lbs this year from being underfed (almost back to my anorexic weight days which is ironic). I had to stop taking my medication since I couldn't afford the $7/month prescription. Received an ADHD diagnosis after 8 hours of testing but good luck getting meds without health insurance, guess I'll just stumble my way through classes and work like usual. Two of my teeth are quite literally rotten down, but no way I can afford an extraction (let alone a root canal). I can't even buy fucking tampons.

Turned down for every credit card and loan I could find. I have two classes left until I graduate, but I cannot register until the fine is paid (meaning I have no access to student loans or financial aid, not to mention no degree). I have two part time jobs, but my cat had to go to the vet unexpectedly so now I'm $10 short on rent and my check is going to bounce.

I guess I could get a 3rd job but why bother? Work 10 hours a day to try and empty the sea with a bucket? What kind of life is that? I'm so tired of the daily debt collector calls at home and work, the emails insisting I must pay this or that immediately or face dire consequences, the comments people make as if I'm just some idiot who doesn't understand how to budget, desperately wishing I could buy a fucking salad and some fruit instead of rice and beans for the 50th time since cat food and litter takes priority (not complaining, I'd do anything for her).

I like to live frugally. I don't own a car, I prefer to walk or take public transportation. I like to cook at home. I sold my TV, Xbox, computer, anything of value already. I never go to bars or movie theaters or go shopping for clothes or anything. I sleep on the floor so I don't have to buy a mattress. I live a life free of material clutter because it makes me happy.

I really don't care about money, but I'm forced to - my family and friends constantly worry about when I'm going to get a "big girl" job and own my own home and buy a car, but I don't want any of that! I don't mind working a few days a week to cover basic living expenses, but nobody does that. That's called "living paycheck to paycheck" and you're fucked the second something unexpected happens. My boss revealed she pays almost $700 a MONTH for decent-but-not-great health insurance....that's twice my rent....I just wanted a simple, quiet life with my cat....

 

[icky]

I had to stop taking my medication since I couldn't afford the $7/month prescription. Received an ADHD diagnosis after 8 hours of testing but good luck getting meds without health insurance, guess I'll just stumble my way through classes and work like usual. Two of my teeth are quite literally rotten down, but no way I can afford an extraction (let alone a root canal). I can't even buy fucking tampons.

Bless this country's healthcare system - er, assuming you're U.S of course. I'm in the same boat with meds and dental - I have to go in for an office visit to get a refill on my $11/mo meds but the last office visit was about $600. Seems reasonable. I have a medical issue that can only be fixed with the partial removal of my reproductive system. I was once hospitalized for a week in which I had a small, quick-fix corrective procedure done and that cost me $17k which was all I had thanks to an account that was building since I was born. So I don't even want to entertain the idea of going back under now that I have literally nothing.

Then there's the outstanding expenses to my college, the upcoming mountain of debt if I can't pay them off and register for classes by September, the closed bank account due to trying to pay off my college too quickly, the inability to earn money through my usual channels due to the closed bank account, the travel expenses even if I can pay off my current debts, and the inability to drive compounding my general unemployability.

Money's not the only reason but it's a big contributing factor. I recall an interaction I had with my mom:

"I don't get why I HAVE to be 'somebody.'"
"Well, you do! That's just how life is!"

Ugh.

 

[Strumgewehr]

I'm sorry I'm not helping but I don't get why Americans take such insane amount of student loan with total disregard of possiblities/opprtunity to pay it back. It's fucking loan FFS not free money! $40K is no joke, it is a HUGE sum by any standard, national or international. For many it takes a lifetime of sweat and blood to save that amount. Excuse my ignorance if I'm wrong (I might be, I'm just guessing) but if you really wanted to study the course you should have moved to Europe, Norway or Finland in particular. The education is almost FREE over there, and you get real education at that, not useless cultural marxist BS they teach in the USA. The food is real and contains actual nutrients in it, unlike the empty calorie chemical garbage you eat in the US. The healthcare is mostly covered and it is REAL healthcare, not like the commercialised scam they run in the US under the principle "a cured patient is a lost costumer". All your problems solved with some brain-horsepower. Then again, I don't know you IRL, so I'm assuming a lot here.

 

[creatureoflight]

I totally feel you on this.

 

[Smilla]

This is horrible. I have been there.

Money is the root of all evils.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

I'm about 3 thousand in debt. I barely make enough to live off of.

I'm just sick of money bs in general.

 

[Wildflower]

I'm sorry I'm not helping but I don't get why Americans take such insane amount of student loan with total disregard of possiblities/opprtunity to pay it back. It's fucking loan FFS not free money! $40K is no joke, it is a HUGE sum by any standard, national or international. For many it takes a lifetime of sweat and blood to save that amount. Excuse my ignorance if I'm wrong (I might be, I'm just guessing) but if you really wanted to study the course you should have moved to Europe, Norway or Finland in particular. The education is almost FREE over there, and you get real education at that, not useless cultural marxist BS they teach in the USA. The food is real and contains actual nutrients in it, unlike the empty calorie chemical garbage you eat in the US. The healthcare is mostly covered and it is REAL healthcare, not like the commercialised scam they run in the US under the principle "a cured patient is a lost costumer". All your problems solved with some brain-horsepower. Then again, I don't know you IRL, so I'm assuming a lot here.

I agree with you 100%. Ever since I was a child I was told by my teachers and family that I was going to college, that anyone who didn't was a failure at life. When I was 17 years old my school put me in a fast track for college enrollment. Never mind that I was suffering from depression and PTSD due to rape and physical abuse growing up, never mind that I repeatedly said I didn't know what I wanted to do or major in. At 17 I was still a baby really. I grew a bit of a backbone and held off for a year, but after working a shitty job and constantly being told I was "wasting my life and potential" I gave up and enrolled.

I actually consider myself fortunate because I got enough financial aid to receive my A.A. for free, and half of these loans come from two separate study abroad trips which changed my life. Now that I'm an actual adult, hell yeah I'd make a different choice major-wise if I could go back. At seventeen I had never left my house, I couldn't drive, I was suicidal, had no friends, and had severe anxiety. Everyone told me that would change if I just went to college "like a normal person". All I wanted to be was normal. It seemed like signing up for debt was what normal, functioning people did with their lives....what a crock huh?

I still consider myself fortunate because my time at school provided me with so much aside from a career - friends, life mentors, knowledge, confidence in myself, language skills, international travel, awards, the ability to move out of an abusive household, etc. And most people I know have at least twice the amount of loans I do. Even at a shitty job I wouldn't find it too hard to make payments every month. But that's not the point really. It's easy to say "well you made a stupid choice" but it was never a choice to begin with - it was either "you will do this, or society will consider you a pathetic loser and you'll work at McDonald's for the rest of your life" (obviously that's not true but it took me ten years to discover that I DID have a choice back then). When I was small, and got into trouble, my dad would drag me to the bathroom and shove me in front of the mirror, screaming at me to say "Would you like fries with that?" over and over, because it was the only thing I would amount to in life. That kinda shit sticks with you, and at a formative age, it became something I based my entire understanding of life and self-worth.

Once I actually got out of there and got to see the world a bit I was pretty shocked at just how many people managed to be successful and happy going down other routes. I had no idea there were other options....kinda makes me mad...but I guess it's too late now :/ but yeah overall I agree with you totally.

 

[Strumgewehr]

I agree with you 100%. Ever since I was a child I was told by my teachers and family that I was going to college, that anyone who didn't was a failure at life. When I was 17 years old my school put me in a fast track for college enrollment. Never mind that I was suffering from depression and PTSD due to rape and physical abuse growing up, never mind that I repeatedly said I didn't know what I wanted to do or major in. At 17 I was still a baby really. I grew a bit of a backbone and held off for a year, but after working a shitty job and constantly being told I was "wasting my life and potential" I gave up and enrolled.

I actually consider myself fortunate because I got enough financial aid to receive my A.A. for free, and half of these loans come from two separate study abroad trips which changed my life. Now that I'm an actual adult, hell yeah I'd make a different choice major-wise if I could go back. At seventeen I had never left my house, I couldn't drive, I was suicidal, had no friends, and had severe anxiety. Everyone told me that would change if I just went to college "like a normal person". All I wanted to be was normal. It seemed like signing up for debt was what normal, functioning people did with their lives....what a crock huh?

I still consider myself fortunate because my time at school provided me with so much aside from a career - friends, life mentors, knowledge, confidence in myself, language skills, international travel, awards, the ability to move out of an abusive household, etc. And most people I know have at least twice the amount of loans I do. Even at a shitty job I wouldn't find it too hard to make payments every month. But that's not the point really. It's easy to say "well you made a stupid choice" but it was never a choice to begin with - it was either "you will do this, or society will consider you a pathetic loser and you'll work at McDonald's for the rest of your life" (obviously that's not true but it took me ten years to discover that I DID have a choice back then). When I was small, and got into trouble, my dad would drag me to the bathroom and shove me in front of the mirror, screaming at me to say "Would you like fries with that?" over and over, because it was the only thing I would amount to in life. That kinda shit sticks with you, and at a formative age, it became something I based my entire understanding of life and self-worth.

Once I actually got out of there and got to see the world a bit I was pretty shocked at just how many people managed to be successful and happy going down other routes. I had no idea there were other options....kinda makes me mad...but I guess it's too late now :/ but yeah overall I agree with you totally.

That sounds rough. I was actually mad at the American system as compared to Europian (the thing is America is corrupt as hell from the inside, albiet much less evident on the surface) not at your personal choices as I didn't know you. You sound like a sweet, wise girl who just had a bad hand at life. I wish you energy to push through.

 

[Brokenanddeadinside]

I owe 5k for student loans then another few k for other bills. I have fucked my whole life up from being bipolar and making horrible decisions partially because of fucked up relationships. I had my own place and a motorcycle and now I have nothing end of this month I will be homeless. My father also wants to kill himself and my mother died when I was 8 months old. I feel lost and can't see any future for me besides more pain.

 

[okaoki]

I spend my life avoiding this situation , want a new laptop , nah , eating something good , nah
old broken phone buy a new one? nah .
but here i am ,can't moving forward, eating instant noodles and bread , hardly experience anything
"fun" in my life .internet fees overdue soon , can't work ,can't meet people , can't look at people's eyes.
family cornering me , people look at you differently.i wish i could end it all.

 

[Jerryman]

The system is harsh, death is not allowed but basic life costs money which we can't always make. What would happen if we were starving to death because of no money? What they let you die or would they feed you then bill you hoping you'd make money sometime in the future?

 

[Gina]

I feel your pain, due to my poor decisions I owe about 60,000 and it continues to increase.I don't know what to do but I don't want to leave my family with the burden.

 

[femcelhrz]

Going back and forth, I've been wanting to since fifteen. Did two unsuccessful attempts. Money has always been an issue. I'm down to 300, no one wants to help me medically. I'd rather cbt than be paralyzed? my health only worsens with age. I can't believe there was a moment just recently I imagined what I'll be like when I'm 40. It's never going to happen. My quality of life has been drastically dropping and I want to leave while I'm still comfortable. I'm already in consyant pain. I have to do it quickly. I'd probably still live idly if I had the passive income.

 

[Grav]

Money isn't the sole reason for me, not even in the top 3 but like chocolate sauce it makes everything better (or worse in this case). Almost all of it, 80%, is self-inflicted trying to keep going (retail therapy). Why work a job I don't like if I can't buy stuff I like? And the more the job grinds me down the more I "deserve a treat", so on and so forth. Luckily I make enough to keep my head above water but it's one crisis from disaster. So I try to pay stuff off which means dealing with the job and everything else without an outlet for a long time. Not overly successful and mood swings (on a downward spiral currently) don't help, along with ADHD and some OCD. But ya money, at least in the US, is probably one of the greatest enhancers of suffering.

As for US ed, it's a racket. Nobody ever questions why universities charge so much for what you get and they give some pie-in-the-sky answer about graduates and jobs. But people will blame lenders for the student loan problem even though they knew what they were getting into and how to find out what it was worth, hell when I pondered going to community college/tech school just to get some more ed (plus I like school) they had a whole bunch of websites and docs to show what each profession paid both nationally and locally; the 4 year I graduated from had some "this many history majors are working, but don't look at how many working in a history field". The mantra in k-12 is "college or you're nothing" and so many believe they can get a degree in anything and get some big job, or drop out and now have loans on top of years wasted. If the k-12 system taught how to know what cost-benefit is maybe there wouldn't be so many young people in massive debt, but that wouldn't help feed the machine.