Anyone else want to CTB but is also too scared to do it?

[enditall222]

I know that I have no future and that death is inevitable, but I'm also too scared to do it. Maybe its because of my family's reaction seeing my dead body, maybe because of the pain, maybe because of the false hope (it really is false) that my life could be better? But I still don't want to be here. I wish I were never born or that I was born into a different life

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When you do not have strong family ties, and you do not have false hope, I mean from your point of view you tried everything to preserve the ship from sinking, then it should be easier for you.

Family ties for me are the biggest issues although I know since years that there will be no success any more and there is no chance for me personal, the longer I'm kept alive the worse it's gonna be. Unfortunately. But family cannot and will never understand my last and final decision.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Death is not scary, people die everyday and that's the end game for everyone ( we will just die at different times but that's our destination)… Physical pain is temporary it will last a few hours at most if you want to complete ctb..

 

[BoredomSeeker]

Death is not scary, people die everyday and that's the end game for everyone ( we will just die at different times but that's our destination)… Physical pain is temporary it will last a few hours at most if you want to complete ctb..

Of course that is true in theory, but in practice most people (even when they realise this) can't just will their body to accept this as a reality. Humans are hard-coded to avoid pain and death, so for the vast majority it's not that easy.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Of course that is true in theory, but in practice most people (even when they realise this) can't just will their body to accept this as a reality. Humans are hard-coded to avoid pain and death, so for the vast majority it's not that easy.

I understand your point but why is it that suicide is one of the top cause of death… Surely there is a lot of people who would rather go through a few hours of pain that live in psychological pain forever….

 

[BoredomSeeker]

I understand your point but why is it that suicide is one of the top cause of death… Surely there is a lot of people who would rather go through a few hours of pain that live in psychological pain forever….

That's fair, but it also heavily depends on method, downing a few pills is easier than dropping off a building for example. And just because people choose to go through with it eventually doesn't make it easy, the majority of people that CTB probably do so after a lot of deliberation and convincing themselves. A lot of people want to go through with it, but wanting is entirely different to doing.

 

[MusicEnjoyer:D]

I know that I have no future and that death is inevitable, but I'm also too scared to do it. Maybe its because of my family's reaction seeing my dead body, maybe because of the pain, maybe because of the false hope (it really is false) that my life could be better? But I still don't want to be here. I wish I were never born or that I was born into a different life

It's REALLY hard. It takes a lot of mental preparation to overcome SI. The reasons you mention also make it more difficult.

The dream for a lot of us here is that there simply was a turn off button.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me the problem is that suicide is so unnecessarily risky and complicated in this world, all the methods are either unreliable, inaccessible, or just horrible/incredibly difficult to go through with and this is what keeps me here and holds me back.

What I personally fear is a suicide attempt failing and just leading to more suffering, the thought of such a thing is terrifying, I know that I would have no problems going through with ctb if we had the option of a peaceful, guaranteed and straightforward method but in this horrible world where suicide isn't accepted as a valid option it's just not the reality. I've never wished to exist at all, have awareness that existence isn't worth enduring and I find comfort in the thought of permanently not existing, but of course the problem lies in the inaccessible and risky nature of suicide, it's so inhumane how we are denied the option to just pass away in peace.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Tbh I wish I was never born, I never chose to be born in the first place… I just hate living and life.. Too bad where I live there is no guns otherwise I would have just pulled the trigger in my head and complete ctb in seconds …..

 

[stormztier]

I know that I have no future and that death is inevitable, but I'm also too scared to do it. Maybe its because of my family's reaction seeing my dead body, maybe because of the pain, maybe because of the false hope (it really is false) that my life could be better? But I still don't want to be here. I wish I were never born or that I was born into a different life

I don't want to give you false hope but i've thought about how you think. That its all hopeless and theres no point but there is. Even if you suffer, you gotta stand up and be brave and try to give life a chance. No matter how hard it is. Pushing foward can be worth it. Whatever happens i hope your happy.

 

[Lucilius]

I fear failing and seeing my freedom being taken away from me.

 

[Shoya]

Yeah.I am afraid that what will happen to my mom.if i die

 

[robokiller]

Psychedelic plants have revealed to me the true nature of life and death and therefore I am no longer scared of it. I don't know what you are going through and I don't want to encourage you to do drugs or anything, all I am saying is that they can help overcome that deep in-built fear of dying that we all have.

 

[SwimmingBl1mp]

I know that I have no future and that death is inevitable, but I'm also too scared to do it. Maybe its because of my family's reaction seeing my dead body, maybe because of the pain, maybe because of the false hope (it really is false) that my life could be better? But I still don't want to be here. I wish I were never born or that I was born into a different life

You have to know that this is about you. It is your mental health and if you think the only way for you to get better at this point is to die, then it is good enough a reason to do this. When you do it you should explain yourself in a letter to your family (and friends if you feel like you owe them an explanation as well) and hopefully they will understand.

I fear failing and seeing my freedom being taken away from me.

there are methods such as the sodium nitrite (SN) that are great in both success and failure : it is a painless death and in the event of failing, there are no desastrous or irreversible consequences.

 

[Louise Payne]

I am afraid of failing and pain. I am not afraid to CTB as it a step everyone has to go towards eventually.
I just cannot find a pain-free way and a full proof way to CTB.
I am very grateful for this forum where we all feel welcome to share our thoughts and feelings.
Thank you to everyone who are here.