Anyone else to drained to even post/look at the forum?

[Zebulon]

Hey there,

The last few days were kinda rough, since I originally planed to go at the end of December. Now I needed to smile, go to all the stuff I didnt want to attend and say its fine.
But that drains me so much, just simply living and pretending, that I dont even have the energy to look at the forum anymore.


Does anybody else experience the same?

 

[matt1968]

Yes, sometimes it's too much.

I just wanna disappear quietly.

 

[PrisonPlanetBreak]

Yes, I am more or less in the same position now. I had also planned to go on New Year's Eve, but I postponed. Today I returned to my job. I am a software engineer and the job pays well, but I don't get meaning from it anymore... I don't hate it, but I don't like it either nowadays. And even though I've had 2.5 weeks off, I already feel burnt out... and I regret I didn't go through with my plan. Usually when I finish after 5PM, I come here to check notifications, DMs, and some posts, and that's about it. Some days I don't even log on, and not because I don't feel suicidal that day, but because I'm just tired.​

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Yeah but for different reasons.
I love the information that it provides, and I am forever thankful for it.
It makes me feel much more in control, even if it is just an illusion.
Having said that, sometimes the posts themselves are..I dunno, the same? add that to the fact that it seems every other reply someone seems to have been set off or claiming bullying or abuse, it sometimes gets tiring and I just prefer to read the megathreads.

 

[impossible]

I believe it takes strength to be on this site regularly. it is mentally exhausting to be on here. everyone on SaSu is dealing with heavy shit. to be active, responding to every new post, and replying to everyone who messages you, takes a lot of energy. I only login very occasionally because of that.

 

[Aim]

I am, but at the same time. It's the only place that gives some kind of solace at the moment. I don't follow anything, and that helps to get a bit more control over the threads you want or do not have any interest in reading.

 

[Labyrinth]

Have you tried removing all social masks to see what happens?

 

[theendisnigh5]

same here. everyday is a struggle and i wish i could ctb, but don't have a method atm. looking to do more research to prepare, but just having to cope in the meantime…

 

[Oguzok]

You described me exactly... though I don't need to pretend that everything is fine or anything like that, just for some reason I quickly get tired of everything and get bored with everything. I thought I would sit here often, but it's harder than I excepted

 

[ScubaCTB]

Hey there,

The last few days were kinda rough, since I originally planed to go at the end of December. Now I needed to smile, go to all the stuff I didnt want to attend and say its fine.
But that drains me so much, just simply living and pretending, that I dont even have the energy to look at the forum anymore.


Does anybody else experience the same?

These are my last days (I hope). I'm active because I just want to be in contact with like-minded people. Did your attempt fail? That is my worst nightmare. It takes so much courage to go through CTB, then to have it fail would be awful. I've committed to the alternative of if my scuba/CTB fails, then I will just starve to death in the woods. If I'm stupid enough to fail at the most important decision in my life and do the scuba/nitrogen thing wrong, then I deserve any and all potential pain and suffering from starving/dehydration to death.

Wishing you well.

 

[whitefeather]

This is a great thread, thanks .

 

[Spades]

On occasion, yes, but it's usually when I'm too exhausted to do anything at all.

So it's never the fourm itself, but my depression being worse than usual that makes any task at all exhausting.

The most annoying part about depression this severe is how it makes the act of simply continuing to exist on its own feel as though you've ran and completed 3 marathons all in one go AND won the first place prize multiple times to top it all off.

It would be comical if it weren't so painful, like at some point it just becomes absurd the levels to which I'm suffering. I would laugh but I'm too tired to do so. I'll force myself to laugh about it later I guess.

I'm sorry to hear you're also very exhausted though! I hope things work out for you in the end,,

 

[Daxter_87]

Yeah, I hardly ever post here because of that and because I'm always kind of running out of time. It may seem "strange" that a NEET like me doesn't have enough time, but OCD can be insanely time-consuming, even to write here. It is an awful life, but nobody really understands it. They say: "You've been eating that fruit for so long!", they laugh, though not maliciously, at my "weird" behavior, and that's about it. Sometimes they get pissed off when it affects them directly, like when they have to go to the bathroom, but it's occupied because I'm wiping my bum for the thousandth time.

Not to mention that my mother is sick now, and I have to do more housework - sort of - to help her.

 

[Catch-22]

I am trying to figure out how to post on here. Do you go to update status and post on there? Every time I try to post it says error! I can post replies but not make my own . Can anyone help me?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Yeah, I'm tired....

Having said that, sometimes the posts themselves are..I dunno, the same?

Yeap, seems like I'm not the only one noticing it, a lot of the posts here are the same in many ways. Either someone asking for an SN source or someone asking a question about SN that's been answered before, someone ranting about life, suffering, existence etc..rinse and repeat. I just logged in because I needed to respond to some dms but that was about it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

That's okay. It is there for you to use however you need it to. Sometimes distance from an intense activity is a good thing.

As the months and years go by you'll find that the play remains the same thing indefinitely even if there is an ever-shifting cast of characters.

Being on here does make me feel sort of bad as it is a reminder that I'm seemingly not able not make progress in life (not that I'm trying) or death.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Being on here does make me feel sort of bad as it is a reminder that I'm seemingly not able not make progress in life (not that I'm trying) or death.

I even question why I tirelessly devoted so much time to ctb, discussing it and doing what I could to obtain everything I needed only to still be here, rather exhausted I may add and disinterested. I've grappled with several things over the last few days like If we've exhausted ourselves tirelessly with the pursuit of ctb only to not ctb which puts us where most people end up in terms of suicide even if we've acquired the items we needed, stuck in a limbo of no progression towards recovery because we're even not even interested then I don't know anymore, even discussing methods and their reliability/likelihood to fatality mean nothing to me now because most of the ones that are preferred are pretty difficult to obtain.

As the months and years go by you'll find that the play remains the same thing indefinitely even if there is an ever-shifting cast of characters.

That much is true, even as I've been on this forum, having looked back at threads from 2018 till now.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Well my mental capabilities are almost non existant currently and I feel tired almost every day. I over sleep too and I feel like a vegetable. Also scared of negative feedback from the forum even if it's unfounded. When I'm too down I usually refrain from posting but when I'm frustrated and aggitated I'm the most active like now. That being said a lot of things here are repeating due to the influx of new members and at one point there's only so much to be said about the topic of suicide.

 

[Guy Smiley]

Yes, I am very drained and I sometimes find it a bit overwhelming if I spend too much time on the forum (although I find a lot of things to be overwhelming these days).

 

[kindalone]

It's the futility for me. Unless I finally use the information to ctb, then posting here is just stalling. Finding people to connect to is fine and dandy until you realize that none of them can really help you. We're all just powerless, unable to offer genuine support. In the end, things haven't changed much since I came here. The last thing that I need to do is to decide. Everything else is stalling, at least for my specific situation.

 

[PrettyPotato]

When I first joined, I fastidiously worked my way through the megathreads trying to work out which method would suit best - then I planned out everything for that method to the last degree.

That was a good few weeks ago though - can't say I'm doing much more on here now other than replying to a few posts I see on the front page. Without question Sasu has been invaluable to me for the initial data dump, but I'm slightly in awe of posters that are still posting on here after several years.

 

[hopeless08]

These are my last days (I hope). I'm active because I just want to be in contact with like-minded people. Did your attempt fail? That is my worst nightmare. It takes so much courage to go through CTB, then to have it fail would be awful. I've committed to the alternative of if my scuba/CTB fails, then I will just starve to death in the woods. If I'm stupid enough to fail at the most important decision in my life and do the scuba/nitrogen thing wrong, then I deserve any and all potential pain and suffering from starving/dehydration to death.

Wishing you well.

Don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure most of us on here are scared to ctb, it takes a huge amount of courage and a failed attempt does not mean you're stupid, you don't deserve to suffer anymore then you already are. If all the people that had a failed attempt were stupid we would have morons walking all around us… But of course no one wants a failed attempt and that's why we are on here, like you said talking to like-minded people, giving suggestions and support to one another. This site is the only thing that helps me a bit, to know I'm not alone means a lot to me and I'm grateful to each of guys.