Anyone else suicidal because they painted themselves into a corner?

[reticulator]

I feel like no matter what decision I could try to make to improve my and my families life, there's no way out. A series of decisions will lead to financial ruin, and my prospects of getting out of it at this point will be slim to none. If I was by myself, it would be an easier choice.. spend what I have left and just have one last hoorah before I CTB, but having a son and truly seeing no way out of this just makes the anguish so much worse. I've also always had depression and anxiety, especially socially even when things on the outside were alot more fine and hopeful. I had a couple years after the pandemic where I was living life 100 percent, and I finally got to sort of "enjoy" for the first time, but even then I felt alot of emptiness. Now that things have seem to be progressing towards a downward spiral, I can barely will myself to get out of the bed at all throughout the day. I'm also constantly anxious and paranoid.. eternal rest would seem so much better, since I can't enjoy life at all like this.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah. I painted myself into a corner by not doing anything an adult does. I dropped out of college and wasted 15 years. Now I'm old, and a child. My bipolar manic delusions are gone and I see myself as the infantile screw up I am. There's no realistic hope for the future. I just want unconsciousness.

 

[777cave]

I can only blame myself for my highly messed up life. Can't get work, can't pay bills, no hope left...so yeah