Discussion Anyone else struggling with intrusive and awful thoughts?

[Imapieceof]

Im talking the kind of thoughts that disturb you and you can´t get rid off.
A couple years ago i used to let myselft think and imagine awful psicopathic things and not even realize how bad it was, i just felt so hurt and disconected from my emotions that it didn´t matter to me, didn´t really paid attention to how much i left my trauma grow, to a point i can´t spend an hour awake without thinking things that are just so bad that it´s making me feel like i should just kill myself.
Over the past months i´ve been trying to get better and improve myself, be a normal person (which i never really was), but this sort of things are building a tension on my mind that is just unbearable.
i´ve always wanted to kill myself, but lately i feel like i NEED to kill myself because, how could a person who has such thoughts as i do live with herself or be happy or just deserve to live?
i don´t know, i think one day i will finally get so tired of them that i´ll do what i´ve always wanted to do, and i´ll be so relaxed for finally having some rest that i wont even cry or feel bad about it.
Anyone else struggling with this kind of situation?

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, look at it this way: even if you have the most disgusting thoughts ever, as long as you don't do anything of that or hurt anybody, you'll be okay.
You can do whatever you want on your mind. Don't feel guilty. It's just your brain.

What's more, the fact that you're feeling bad about it proves that you have some moral and can distinguish good from evil.

In my case, my brain just loves putting random thoughts in my head and sometimes it's impossible to turn it off.

For example, I'm very anxious now because I have a loooong working week and I just have no clue about the way I'll deal with it.

Hang on! You can do this!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[motel rooms]

Im talking the kind of thoughts that disturb you and you can´t get rid off.

Are you diagnosed with OCD?

 

[Imapieceof]

Are you diagnosed with OCD?

Im not
Didn't even considered it

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

I have them too it is ocd for me maybe for you too. "Hit cat, hit mum, spit on stranger, do this or something terrible is going to happen to something you love, punch baby, say terrible word right now" etcc etc (" " = thoughts in head)... Not your fault, you should ask for pills maybe or explain it to a doctor, they can calm them down, quetiapine does it for me. It is extremely annoying when you can't control your own thoughts at all and you think horrible things you don't want to, like you are not in control at all. I don't even want to say some of the things I think. I end up just saying "fucking cunt" out loud every time it happens or something worse, quite embarrassing when people look but it helps a little. Then you get recommended things like meditation by Drs, HA yes just sit there and let these thoughts come and come, I can't concentrate at all because of them let alone relax.

 

[Imapieceof]

I have them too it is ocd for me maybe for you too. "Hit cat, hit mum, spit on stranger, do this or something terrible is going to happen to something you love, punch baby, say terrible word right now" etcc etc (" " = thoughts in head)... Not your fault, you should ask for pills maybe or explain it to a doctor, they can calm them down, quetiapine does it for me. It is extremely annoying when you can't control your own thoughts at all and you think horrible things you don't want to, like you are not in control at all. I don't even want to say some of the things I think. I end up just saying "fucking cunt" out loud every time it happens or something worse, quite embarrassing when people look but it helps a little. Then you get recommended things like meditation by Drs, HA yes just sit there and let these thoughts come and come, I can't concentrate at all because of them let alone relax.

It's really weird for me that I dealt with this sort of things my entire life and now You're telling me that maybe it's something less strange that I thought
Thank you, i'll definitly look into that

 

[heretogethelp]

Well, look at it this way: even if you have the most disgusting thoughts ever, as long as you don't do anything of that or hurt anybody, you'll be okay.
You can do whatever you want on your mind. Don't feel guilty. It's just your brain.

What's more, the fact that you're feeling bad about it proves that you have some moral and can distinguish good from evil.

In my case, my brain just loves putting random thoughts in my head and sometimes it's impossible to turn it off.

For example, I'm very anxious now because I have a loooong working week and I just have no clue about the way I'll deal with it.

Hang on! You can do this!

Hugs,

Matt

I have intrusive thoughts 24/7

 

[DeadButDreaming]

I do. I have even looked into brain surgery, which can be had for OCD.

 

[motel rooms]

Im not
Didn't even considered it

Sounds like Pure O form of OCD

 

[FuneralCry]

Probably not that extreme, but I have always had overactive thoughts. I think once I get a certain thought in my head I struggle to let go of the idea and it can keep me up at night. I think it's in my personality where I easily get frustrated/overwhelmed. I see it as our minds like to torture us. Its why I like the idea of death, no more consciousness.
It really can be awful though, so I wish you the best.

 

[Imapieceof]

Sounds like Pure O form of OCD

I never liked therapists
But I think maybe I need one now
Thanks for the comment

 

[motel rooms]

I never liked therapists
But I think maybe I need one now
Thanks for the comment

You might get some relief just from being put on meds

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

It's really weird for me that I dealt with this sort of things my entire life and now You're telling me that maybe it's something less strange that I thought
Thank you, i'll definitly look into that

Good you should I hope you do, there is no point suffering it is not your fault and most people don't have this problem… If it is really upsetting you and damaging your quality of life you must fix it or at least look into fixing it. Sometimes it is nice to read what people say on this website to relate.

I broke my tooth once because I HAD to bite this metal bar and I could only stop once I had a good thought, very embarrassing and silly but you don't pick your brain. I hope you get it treated soon and then see how your life is maybe it is much better or at least you get rid of some of the thoughts.

 

[justsayin]

@Imapieceof
You might want to check out this thread too:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/wanting-to-ctb-just-to-stop-the-thoughts.63970/