Anyone else struggling deeply with survival instinct?

[PrincessInWhite]

Not even just the "moments before an attempt" kind, but rather the kind where RIGHT as things get so bad you're really ready to crack, your stupid fucking brain snaps and finds some dumb temporary thing to be happy and hopeful over?

Please no comments about how this means maybe I'm not ready to die, I have various physical and mental health issues that I've fought 20+ years to treat with everything possible. I am logically 1000% ready to go, my sentimental stupid feelings just get in the way when I'm really about to put big plans into motion.

I am TIRED and I desperately need rest. Can anyone relate

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I think I get that, or something similar. I have these extremely fleeting moments(1 min or less) where my brain tells me maybe things could get fixed, and things could get better. But nope, I get instantly snapped back to the reality of my depression and suicidal ideation

 

[Lost Magic]

Yes, I completely relate to how you feel. I have never wanted to be here and I have struggled with the pain of existence all my life. When I watched people I love die, I just wanted to go with them. Stupid survival instinct is the only thing keeping me here but hopefully not for long. I don't want to be on this planet another full year. I hope (one day) we all finally get the rest we deserve.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

Yes, I completely relate to how you feel. I have never wanted to be here and I have struggled with the pain of existence all my life. When I watched people I love die, I just wanted to go with them. Stupid survival instinct is the only thing keeping me here but hopefully not for long. I don't want to be on this planet another full year. I hope (one day) we all finally get the rest we deserve.

So much gentle light and love being sent your way

 

[marinekiwi]

If I was capable of overcoming my last-minute SI, I'd be long gone by now

 

[deadalredy]

It's harder than I ever imagined it would be and it's also very odd when the brain convince you immediately that there's a way out I admire those that managed to fight their instincts I can't even believe they made it it takes a lot of courage to overcome such instincts

 

[vinie]

Yeah. It is extremely hard to comprehend sometimes. In my last attempt, I began crying because I was dying. All of a sudden, a wave of regret toppled over me, even though I was genuinely ready to succumb to my own death This is not uncommon, as many jump survivors have stated that by the time they're halfway down, they scream out of fear. Some every try swimming if they jump from a bridge. It is all human instinct and there is almost no way to naturally prevent it from kicking in. That's why many of those who attempt usually want a peaceful ride and take some form of benzodiazepine to counter the distress.

May everyone find peace within <3

 

[NormaJeane]

Humans programmed will to live is very strong so extreme circumstances are required for us to end life. The body is not created to kill itself and fear helps us to survive. Humans are programmed to live, both physically and mentally, otherwise we would all be dead. However, all people should have the right to euthanasia by a doctor, whenever we want it.

Humans have fear of death, fear of the death process and fear that the method will fail. We have a survival instinct programmed in our bodies. If the suicide method is painful, the survival instinct will stop us and if the suicide method is peaceful, death becomes easier.

It is possible to overcome the fear of death with practices long before the suicide is going to happen by thinking about something nice instead of thinking about the death process. This need to be done systematically, unconditionally and repeatedly. Our mind develops habits and almost anything we think about is tendencies, usually triggered by previous thoughts, memories or conversations - to overcome those thoughts we can develop new tendencies and new habits.

Some of us can not find the courage to die - why not? More men than women succeed in suicide so it seems like it is easier for men. The soldier has to find the courage to face death in war so it must be possible to find the courage to die. Suicide requires motivation and a brave and determinded action, but one must also have a method that works and find trust in that method.

One million people commit suicide every year on Earth - how did they succeed with this most difficult action? When you find the answer to that question, death will not be far away. The bravest people are those who find the courage to leave their hell in life.

 

[Darkover]

for me killing oneself is easy provided you have what is need to kill yourself problem is everything is restricted or very hard to get a hold of, i wouldn't like to hang or drown myself, wouldn't mind being blowing myself to pieces with a bomb or shooting my self in the head better yet taking a drug overdoes of my choosing, free people don't enslave themselves to live out their misery only slaves do that.
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid

 

[silliestclown]

yes like it's so crushing to be ready and sure of your choice only to have it ripped away by some stupid fleeting moment of grasping-at-straws hope ur si spits out. like being trapped in a cruel cycle by ur own mind.
i wish you great relief

 

[Manaaja]

I can relate 100%.

When my life is better, my mind thinks: "Gee, everything is good, I've got everything and experienced everything I can, time to ctb"
But when my life is worse. my mind thinks: "Oh shit, I don't want to die before experiencing A, B, C for one last time. I don't want my last moments here to be in a place like this and in a situation like this."

I'm also a person who wants a happy afterlife, and it's much easier to believe that there's a happy afterlife and therefore to ctb when my life is going well.

 

[Painless_end]

I have mostly accepted that I won't CTB but I keep hoping that I do some day

 

[Elri]

Not even just the "moments before an attempt" kind, but rather the kind where RIGHT as things get so bad you're really ready to crack, your stupid fucking brain snaps and finds some dumb temporary thing to be happy and hopeful over?

Please no comments about how this means maybe I'm not ready to die, I have various physical and mental health issues that I've fought 20+ years to treat with everything possible. I am logically 1000% ready to go, my sentimental stupid feelings just get in the way when I'm really about to put big plans into motion.

I am TIRED and I desperately need rest. Can anyone relate

Not anymore i can't wait to go

 

[D&D]

Not even just the "moments before an attempt" kind, but rather the kind where RIGHT as things get so bad you're really ready to crack, your stupid fucking brain snaps and finds some dumb temporary thing to be happy and hopeful over?

Please no comments about how this means maybe I'm not ready to die, I have various physical and mental health issues that I've fought 20+ years to treat with everything possible. I am logically 1000% ready to go, my sentimental stupid feelings just get in the way when I'm really about to put big plans into motion.

I am TIRED and I desperately need rest. Can anyone relate

Hi PrincessInWhite,

I can relate. First hand relate.

After meticulous preparations, including obtaining everything required, notes written, affairs in order ... failed. Rationally, I know full well that it is the only way for me. But humans are not rational beings. At least not only. In a battle between emotional and rational - emotional wins. Every time. Once I can fully accept and internalize that - I can work on subduing or even better numbing my emotional response. It would mean use of alchokol or some such substance that would help me ignore the part of my brain programmed to keep me alive. By enacting any number of illusions.

One of my favorite poets (Rumi) once wrote: 'Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open?' I try to remember this.

 

[FuneralCry]

All humans are programmed to survive after all. False hope can be a manifestation of the survival instinct. I think for me the problem is the lack of a peaceful and reliable method and that is what I struggle with. Despite that I have read about people who have N and they are still held back by the survival instinct. The survival instinct is very powerful, even know we want to die it goes against our instinct to survive.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Not even just the "moments before an attempt" kind, but rather the kind where RIGHT as things get so bad you're really ready to crack, your stupid fucking brain snaps and finds some dumb temporary thing to be happy and hopeful over?

Please no comments about how this means maybe I'm not ready to die, I have various physical and mental health issues that I've fought 20+ years to treat with everything possible. I am logically 1000% ready to go, my sentimental stupid feelings just get in the way when I'm really about to put big plans into motion.

I am TIRED and I desperately need rest. Can anyone relate

Yes. Totally. You are not alone. Was supposed to go 2 weeks ago but I've many many loose ends that I've suddenly had to tie up...

 

[healthrecovery]

All humans are programmed to survive after all. False hope can be a manifestation of the survival instinct. I think for me the problem is the lack of a peaceful and reliable method and that is what I struggle with. Despite that I have read about people who have N and they are still held back by the survival instinct. The survival instinct is very powerful, even know we want to die it goes against our instinct to survive.

Holding a glass of N and drinking it is more difficult than you think

 

[Deleted member 32964]

Not even just the "moments before an attempt" kind, but rather the kind where RIGHT as things get so bad you're really ready to crack, your stupid fucking brain snaps and finds some dumb temporary thing to be happy and hopeful over?

Please no comments about how this means maybe I'm not ready to die, I have various physical and mental health issues that I've fought 20+ years to treat with everything possible. I am logically 1000% ready to go, my sentimental stupid feelings just get in the way when I'm really about to put big plans into motion.

I am TIRED and I desperately need rest. Can anyone relate

maybe there is a reason... I do the SAME.

KEEP thinking: Maybe tomorrow a miracle will happen and my brain will stop thumping HATE.

 

[ddd1234]

Holding a glass of N and drinking it is more difficult than you thinK

Holding a glass of N and drinking it is more difficult than you think

Have you drank it?

 

[Thequietone]

Not even just the "moments before an attempt" kind, but rather the kind where RIGHT as things get so bad you're really ready to crack, your stupid fucking brain snaps and finds some dumb temporary thing to be happy and hopeful over?

Please no comments about how this means maybe I'm not ready to die, I have various physical and mental health issues that I've fought 20+ years to treat with everything possible. I am logically 1000% ready to go, my sentimental stupid feelings just get in the way when I'm really about to put big plans into motion.

I am TIRED and I desperately need rest. Can anyone relate

I'm currently in this situation. I wanna OD but I'm afraid. I prepared everything, just need to get the guts.

 

[DemonicAngel]

I know what you mean. I even have N but my stupid brain keeps talking me out of it. Like "oh maybe she will quit drinking, or oh maybe he'll move back home" basically I keep hoping. Then I have this cat and I worry about leaving her, she loves me so much. It's frustrating.