anyone else lost a romantic partner?

[nembutal]

i really need to share or connect with someone right now. i lost my ex boyfriend in january and it's my main motivator right now. the circumstances are just too horrendous to not consider. he overdosed in the same exact spot where he saved me from my own OD just months prior. i was using so much heroin the week before and he relapsed on a small amount and died. he also told me that we would get back together and when he died that candle of hope to experience love again was suddenly blown out.

my main concern and it's selfish is that i will never love someone like i loved him. i live to be loved. i can't see any other reason for existing without meaning the world to someone else.

this next part is all lovey gushy bullshit so you can skip ahead. but i just miss him terribly. he was so perfect in the way that he was imperfect. he had a combination of quirks, traits, and behaviors that are unmatched and will never be replicated by anyone again. i miss the hyperfixation rants he would go on and the beautiful music and artwork he produced. i miss him calling me silly nicknames. i miss him being so nonchalant but loving at the same time. im going to dedicate an entire section in my note just gushing about how astonishing he was.

this is my first loss and i am only 20 years old. he was the closest thing to me at the time and it completely broke me to pieces. enough about my story please share yours. if you've lost a partner to suicide natural causes etc. please.

 

[doneforlife]

Sorry for your loss. Not a romantic partner. But a second mother. The relationship I had with her , can't be put in words. She loved me the most in this whole wide world , from an age I didn't even know what love is. It has been decades now since she breathed her last. From what I can say from my experience, the pain will always linger. But , one day , you will learn to live. Atleast they would want you to. I am not a prolifer. I do understand the severe need to CTB after loosing a loved one. I have been put in that place twice. But I feel, taking my life , would be a disrespect to their love. But that's my individual take on it.