Anyone else live as a hermit?

[Severen]

Yes, I am really hot all day since I started it on June 30th, so 10 days now. It is worth it to me as the fat is just melting off and I can continue to eat anything I want. I remember always being told there is no magic diet pill that will just take fat off you without diet and exercise. Well, they were wrong. It is just that the side effects are deadly. I would never recommend anyone take it unless they were truly suicidal since one of the potential side effects is death.

Well you seem like a nice guy, so I hope DNP helps you finally satisfy all your needs and desires.

 

[Strumgewehr]

Th

Yep. Been a hikikomori for 11 years now. I've mentioned this a couple times before here, but my total time spent outside in these last 11 years (including time spent in a vehicle) is almost certainly less than 150-200 hours. And again, I literally can't even remember the last time I was outside completely on my own. Isolation is what I live and breath. I did finally go for a late night drive with my mom recently, after close to a year without leaving the house. Didn't get out of the car, though. Not sure if I'll do it again. I'll probably just end up spending another huge chunk of months indoors like I've always done. Go out for a brief drive with my mother since I don't have my license, spend upwards of a few months without leaving the house, go for another drive, spend another few months in the house (etc, etc.) I'm basically living the life of Dae-su Oh from the Korean film Oldboy. Only 4 more years and I'll have been in this room for as long as he was in his. I've yet to see anyone online who can match up to that same level of voluntary confinement in a similar way to myself. Kinda depressing, to be honest. I'm the hermit of hermits.

I've been self isolating for a long time because of depression.

Interacting with people, talking to old friends etc. is just painful, i'd rather be alone. I avoid phone calls, moved cities, stopped using facebook, etc. for years so besides family i'm mostly alone. I don't have any ill will towards any of my old friends, I wish them well. My brother is hyper-social so I still socialize with him and his friends a fair bit although I go through long periods where i avoid him as well.

If I lived in Norway where the prisons are amazing i'd commit offences on purpose to be alone.

I always dream about CTB in the freezing woods of Norway and yes, the dunkelheit!

 

[Gray Wounds]

I've been one for so many years until now. But even if I never leave my house unless called for by the necessity of being outside, only then will I really be outside. And yet the time I consume outdoors is still considered limited because of my social anxiety and uncontrolled emotions. So, outdoor is a no no unless must must for me.

I can also proudly say that, I love it being a hermit.

 

[neverwinter]

living alone in my apartment since graduating university (around 10 years by now), doing some remote job, walking out to the streets once a week to replenish my food supplies, every damned morning im waking up just to hate myself that im still alive and every evening im too afraid to do something like ctb, that vicious circle lasts for so many years, thats a living hell

 

[athousandsorrows]

As soon as I graduated highschool I bolted and moved on my own. Now, in my 30's, I'm back living with my dad and it's a nightmare. Before coming here, I lived alone and worked from home as a medical interpreter (oh, the irony) and I was a complete hermit. My job allowed me to be one and I took advantage of it for 3 years. Woke up in the morning, went to the desk, worked, then went back to bed and watched TV/movies/played games for the rest of the day, then do it all over again the next day. That's how I was living for over 3 years, just after graduating from university. I became mega depressed, couldn't even get out of bed to work 2 meters away from my bed, lost the job for absence. I came here begging for help and crying my eyes out, that's when I acknowledged I needed to see a doctor, and they (in my opinion) overreacted.
I was only supposed to spend a weekend here, it's been 6 nightmarish months. Had to leave my cat behind in the apartment that I never saw again because my brother pretty much immediately moved in to replace me, and all they left me bring was an old mac computer I used to record some voice demos back when I could still feel something and I would write songs and sing, my clothes, and my dog, just because my brother is too lazy to take care oft eh dog, becasuei n reality they hate animals and they made a deal with my brother to take care of the cat in exchange for my apartment. Anyway, that's part of my story and I don't want to bore you, sorry for venting here in your post, but my point is yeah, I've been a hermit for many years, and I'd give anything to be one again.

I hate living with people, always someone bothering you with something or asking for something, or just looking at you funny because you don't conform to their standards of what you should be doing. Waking up unwillingly because of all the constant noise, can't make any noise of your own, having to follow rules again, being treated like a damn child when you're in your 30's. I hate it.

 

[athousandsorrows]

I have been a hikikomori for 10 years since my first psychotic break (which ended in me being diagnosed with schizophrenia and put on meds). I read recently that being a hikikomori is normal for someone with my condition (8 years pass by average until the person seeks employment after the first pychotic break). I also have depression and I am always depressed without meds. If I didn't have any of this mental problems I would have been a happy normal person, like my sister, but fate wanted me to suffer. My brain is slowly getting worse and I wasn't able to study what I wanted in the first place, which is why I stopped trying to study and decided to focus my mind on suicide instead.

The nurse says I am supposed to accept my limitations, but I say that is bullshit to cope with life. If I was in a better mental shape I would have wanted to study and find a job as an engineer, but this shit is the only thing I get.

I don't even know why I don't kill myself, I don't do anything worth doing and my days are boring. My parents don't want me to die, that's why I can't kill myself even if I wanted to, they allow me to have a decent life, and they are the best thing about my life. I have to wait until they die or they stop caring about me, it's going to take years (at least 10 years, probably 15 or more).

I relate to your story. I also didn't get to study what I wanted to study and was forced to study "a real career" and get a university degree that I never used, not even to get the jobs I've had. I wanted to study acting ever since I was little, and I kind of started studying that when I lived in Argentina, and then switched to music when I fell in love with singing. My mother who was a raging drunk, would come over to my shows/live exams drunk out of her mind and just made me so, so ashamed. It came to a point where I just wasn't enjoying it anymore and dreaded the live shows because my mom would find out and ruin it for me every time. That's why I eventually decided to take my dad up on his offer to move here, and boy do I regret that. As soon as I stepped out of the plane he made me sign a contract, I'm not kidding, a contract, stating that I would study a "real career" and graduate from a university if I wanted him to help me out, and if he so considered, also a psychologist, whom I did have to see for 2 years, completely forced, and she was just stealing his money, which I told him about, but he didn't care. My father has always been one to throw money at a problem and never actually care to do something himself. Anyway, missed my opportunity to study what I wanted, studied communications which I thought (stupid me) was the most similar thing I could study while still having a degree, made my father happy with his paper, and never even used the damn degree. Found a job as a interpreter just because I speak languages, nothing to do with the degree lol, and the rest of my story is laid out in several posts in this forum.

I blamed my parents for the longest time for not letting me by myself, and I was right, but I could've also done something to stand up for myself right? I could've just gone wherever and work as a waitress and have my life the way I wanted it, with no restrictions or rules set by them, but I chose what I assumed to be comfort, and I was so wrong. I wish I were in my 20's again, I would do it all so differently. I would've made different choices. Now I live with the regret, the pain, and the shame.

 

[Final Escape]

As soon as I graduated highschool I bolted and moved on my own. Now, in my 30's, I'm back living with my dad and it's a nightmare. Before coming here, I lived alone and worked from home as a medical interpreter (oh, the irony) and I was a complete hermit. My job allowed me to be one and I took advantage of it for 3 years. Woke up in the morning, went to the desk, worked, then went back to bed and watched TV/movies/played games for the rest of the day, then do it all over again the next day. That's how I was living for over 3 years, just after graduating from university. I became mega depressed, couldn't even get out of bed to work 2 meters away from my bed, lost the job for absence. I came here begging for help and crying my eyes out, that's when I acknowledged I needed to see a doctor, and they (in my opinion) overreacted.
I was only supposed to spend a weekend here, it's been 6 nightmarish months. Had to leave my cat behind in the apartment that I never saw again because my brother pretty much immediately moved in to replace me, and all they left me bring was an old mac computer I used to record some voice demos back when I could still feel something and I would write songs and sing, my clothes, and my dog, just because my brother is too lazy to take care oft eh dog, becasuei n reality they hate animals and they made a deal with my brother to take care of the cat in exchange for my apartment. Anyway, that's part of my story and I don't want to bore you, sorry for venting here in your post, but my point is yeah, I've been a hermit for many years, and I'd give anything to be one again.

I hate living with people, always someone bothering you with something or asking for something, or just looking at you funny because you don't conform to their standards of what you should be doing. Waking up unwillingly because of all the constant noise, can't make any noise of your own, having to follow rules again, being treated like a damn child when you're in your 30's. I hate it.

I can really relate, this is why I could not move back in with my mother and her husband. Omg! The eggshells, and constantly feeling like I can't just be left alone and decompress. Every person should be able to have our own spot, and it should be not too expensive. This would probably be possible if we had a free market. But government controls the money, economy, and housing regulations, prices.

 

[athousandsorrows]

I can really relate, this is why I could not move back in with my mother and her husband. Omg! The eggshells, and constantly feeling like I can't just be left alone and decompress. Every person should be able to have our own spot, and it should be not too expensive. This would probably be possible if we had a free market. But government controls the money, economy, and housing regulations, prices.

This is true. I don't know where you're at, but I live in Mexico. Mexico has 0 help programs for people with mental illnesses or disabilities for that matter. All they have is worker's comp, and I'm a foreigner so I'm unclear whether it would apply to me at all. Even if it did, I don't have it in me to try and get injured at a job (I'd need a job first) to try and get those checks, lol. I was cursed with being born in South America. If I lived in the US I'd take advantage of the many health programs they offer. If anything, what little money you get might not be a lot, but maybe enough to get by while you figure yourself out or ultimately decide to ctb. Over here, you can only rely on your family for help, so that's why I'm stuck in this waiting room from hell. I know all the steps I should take to get myself out of this situation, but that doesn't guarantee me any happiness at all, so it seems like way too much work just to be equally miserable. The thought of working a repetitive job from 9 to 5 for 20+ years just seems like torture to me. Heck, I can't even watch a full tv show without losing interest! How am I supposed to keep a steady job? My family thinks I stay frozen out of laziness, but I stay frozen out of fear. Fear of failure, fear or ending up somehow even worse off than I already am, fear of realizing that I was never good enough for the things I thought I was good at and enjoyed.

I did live alone for many years and was equally depressed, so much so I ended up coming here asking for help and ironically dug my own grave in doing so.

 

[Imaginos]

I always dream about CTB in the freezing woods of Norway and yes, the dunkelheit!

A fan of Burzum I see. Speaking of dying in one's dreams, your comment reminded me of this song/album. Just a bit of dungeon synth which I happen to enjoy listening to.

 

[Strumgewehr]

A fan of Burzum I see. Speaking of dying in one's dreams, your comment reminded me of this song/album. Just a bit of dungeon synth which I happen to enjoy listening to.

Thanks for the great recomendation.

 

[AtLast]

As soon as I graduated highschool I bolted and moved on my own. Now, in my 30's, I'm back living with my dad and it's a nightmare. Before coming here, I lived alone and worked from home as a medical interpreter (oh, the irony) and I was a complete hermit. My job allowed me to be one and I took advantage of it for 3 years. Woke up in the morning, went to the desk, worked, then went back to bed and watched TV/movies/played games for the rest of the day, then do it all over again the next day. That's how I was living for over 3 years, just after graduating from university. I became mega depressed, couldn't even get out of bed to work 2 meters away from my bed, lost the job for absence. I came here begging for help and crying my eyes out, that's when I acknowledged I needed to see a doctor, and they (in my opinion) overreacted.
I was only supposed to spend a weekend here, it's been 6 nightmarish months. Had to leave my cat behind in the apartment that I never saw again because my brother pretty much immediately moved in to replace me, and all they left me bring was an old mac computer I used to record some voice demos back when I could still feel something and I would write songs and sing, my clothes, and my dog, just because my brother is too lazy to take care oft eh dog, becasuei n reality they hate animals and they made a deal with my brother to take care of the cat in exchange for my apartment. Anyway, that's part of my story and I don't want to bore you, sorry for venting here in your post, but my point is yeah, I've been a hermit for many years, and I'd give anything to be one again.

I hate living with people, always someone bothering you with something or asking for something, or just looking at you funny because you don't conform to their standards of what you should be doing. Waking up unwillingly because of all the constant noise, can't make any noise of your own, having to follow rules again, being treated like a damn child when you're in your 30's. I hate it.

Totally understand that. Don't apologize, that's why most of us are here. People don't understand being a hermit. I've been on both sides. National honor society, homecoming court, etc. I don't even know that person today. Most people would be depressed just thinking about being alone. But, there is one to hurt, or to hurt you. No anxiety about how you come across or if your even connecting. No judgement or put downs. It's part of who you are. We are all a little twisted, but you are in the right place.