Help Anyone else just WISH they had access to a drug dealer?

[Desperate2die]

For context, i've been in the worst place of my life, the past 2 years especially have been one suicide attempt after another. I feel like such a failure, my body seems to be able to endure SO much. My primary method has been ODing, i've ended up in coma's twice over the past year (can say for certain was the best feeling, fading away into the darkness with benzos...but waking up tied to the hospital bed with tubes in me realising i survived was the most horrific thing).
I've come so close with hanging and trains but it takes SO much more capacity than i have. Thats why the idea of getting my hands on street drugs (i've never had any before) (or better yet a huge amount of benzos) feels like best possible way. I just dont have any friends and no connections. Im so desperate i just want to go to a sketchy area and ask someone if they know anyone who sells H or something.. but that thought feels so idiotic. Even getting them off the dark web seems so unreliable and scared ill just get scammed from the little money i have left.!
Im just SO desperate beyond words, i have nothing and no one left... I just want to magically have access to a dealer and fade away...
Anyone else relate or have any suggestions?

 

[ObssessedEirika]

I relate to this on so many levels. While I haven't gotten as close to the edge as you have, I too have just wished to magically gain access to a dealer to finally be able to disappear. If it makes you feel any better, I'm available for chatting. I may not be able to have suggestions but I can lend an open ear.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i relate. id love to just get wrecked and if something happens . but much like you, i have no connections

 

[RemainingDubious]

i've never really had an interest in substances. In my late teens and early 20's i drank too much. Once i became sober i've remained sober. Over the last year my reality has become unbearable. i wish i knew a dealer who could provide me with enough morphine or something to 100% grant me eternal sleep.

 

[sewycidial]

Dark web will definitely help you there, i really relate to having no connection and friends :(

 

[Return2themoonlight]

I feel you so much its crazy. I be wanting to get the things needed to ctb off the dark web but am honestly scared that I'll get caught up in something or tracked and arrested. Plus there's a lot of loops to even get to the dark web that its makes me even more paranoid. I wish I also knew a dealer to get some hard drugs or a gun from but sadly to say.... no friends or connections to do just that. Hope you find peace in the way you desire.

 

[Desperate2die]

Dark web will definitely help you there, i really relate to having no connection and friends :(

i live in australia and am just worried it increases the chances of the package not arriving (plus i know there are so many scam sites on there... ive spent quite some time trying to figure it out but cant work out whats actually legit and what would actually get to me)
sorry you can relate to that though :( hope ur ok..

I feel you so much its crazy. I be wanting to get the things needed to ctb off the dark web but am honestly scared that I'll get caught up in something or tracked and arrested. Plus there's a lot of loops to even get to the dark web that its makes me even more paranoid. I wish I also knew a dealer to get some hard drugs or a gun from but sadly to say.... no friends or connections to do just that. Hope you find peace in the way you desire.

thats exactly what i feel/think!! sorry youre feeling that way as well though, thank you for sharing

I relate to this on so many levels. While I haven't gotten as close to the edge as you have, I too have just wished to magically gain access to a dealer to finally be able to disappear. If it makes you feel any better, I'm available for chatting. I may not be able to have suggestions but I can lend an open ear.

thank you, it means a lot. sorry you can relate though :(

 

[verrobasd]

I've come so close with hanging and trains but it takes SO much more capacity than i have.

Can really relate to this, wouldn't ever see me being capable doing either of them. Couldn't even come close I think.

Can't relate to not having friends or connections with access. After a long history of homelessness, I've been around (H) users all the time. I've even lived together with a H addict for like a month.

I would still feel kind of weird asking around now, cause I'm kind of well known where I live. People know I don't use so they'd would think that's really weird. Word could get around and that might interfere with the things that are going well now.

The main reason though I've never considered H, is that I can't find too much useful information on that method. Have you considered SN? That's the method I'm going with because of that for now. It's maybe the only method that I might be able to pull off.

Anyway. Wish you all the best with it!

 

[Desperate2die]

i've never really had an interest in substances. In my late teens and early 20's i drank too much. Once i became sober i've remained sober. Over the last year my reality has become unbearable. i wish i knew a dealer who could provide me with enough morphine or something to 100% grant me eternal sleep.

thats admirable youve been able to remain sober despite everything youre experiencing. i definitely understand the unbearable agony, feeling SO trapped in it :(

Can really relate to this, wouldn't ever see me being capable doing either of them. Couldn't even come close I think.

Can't relate to not having friends or connections with access. After a long history of homelessness, I've been around (H) users all the time. I've even lived together with a H addict for like a month.

I would still feel kind of weird asking around now, cause I'm kind of well known where I live. People know I don't use so they'd would think that's really weird. Word could get around and that might interfere with the things that are going well now.

The main reason though I've never considered H, is that I can't find too much useful information on that method. Have you considered SN? That's the method I'm going with because of that for now. It's maybe the only method that I might be able to pull off.

Anyway. Wish you all the best with it!

i guess i've just heard about how easy it is to OD on H, it seems like the most reliable drug to do so with (in terms of the types of drugs more readily available on the street at least).
Ive considered SN but seems way too complicated. Ive tried with helium exit bag a few times and it felt good but didnt work (i guess the tanks had too much air mixed in or something)
Thanks for the reply, wishing you the best with all as well.. hope you dont get to the place of using the SN method but definitely understand the lvl of desperation and feeling like you need to do what you need to do.

 

[verrobasd]

Thank you too so much.

That's what a good friend of mine told me about H. He knows a lot about suicide and drugs, but he doesn't agree at all with my plans (he doesn't think my situation is hopeless enough and he doesn't want to lose another friend to suicide). So he's not really giving me any tips or anything, I can't blame him at all for that so I don't ask too much.

Seems like you've considered/tried a lot of different methods. Can't even imagine that, must me tough so I can see where you are coming from with looking for H. Hopefully things will work out better for you in the future, one way or another.

 

[RemainingDubious]

thats admirable youve been able to remain sober despite everything youre experiencing. i definitely understand the unbearable agony, feeling SO trapped in it :(

If i were to drink i know i wouldn't stop, realistically i'd probably only end up sectioned again and guilt tripped more.

i'm trying to remain rational so i can get what will definitely work and fade away unnoticed. People tend to believe they can "help" or believe they have the power to "save" others. In reality they often only cause more emotional damage and prolong suffering.

It's pretty strange how they apparently they put man on the moon shortly before the 70's but they can't instantly end people's suffering.

Whose bright idea was it to make people who are suffering feel bad for suffering?

 

[Yaka]

for sure mate it would make everything easier

 

[ReadyOrNot?]

I just dont have any friends and no connections. Im so desperate i just want to go to a sketchy area and ask someone if they know anyone who sells H or something.. but that thought feels so idiotic.

I actually did that 3 or so weeks ago. It was easier than I thought. It was weird but only because of my anxiety. I just asked someone who was begging if he knew someone and he connected me. I also paid him ofc. But I'm a coward and haven't done it yet.
You can read my post about it if you search drug addict

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

All I got is weed (thank fuck).

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You won't OD with benzos bc they r not made to kill you. Drugs in "Street quality" are risky bc you never know what else they contain and how much actual active substance (e.g. H) they contain which is the component that would be able to kill you. If you are serious about CTB and you want to do it with an OD then read the PPeH.

 

[divinemistress36]

I wish I could find a Fentanyl dealer

 

[dogbreath]

Met a guy in the mental hospital who said his weed was laced with fent. I wanted to so badly to ask him who his dealer was....I'm not interested in getting high I just wanna take fent and die LOL. Wish I could just go into a sketchy part of town and yell "Is anyone selling" but I would prob look like a cop :(

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Fuck yes

 

[Desperate2die]

You won't OD with benzos bc they r not made to kill you. Drugs in "Street quality" are risky bc you never know what else they contain and how much actual active substance (e.g. H) they contain which is the component that would be able to kill you. If you are serious about CTB and you want to do it with an OD then read the PPeH.

You actually can effectively OD on benzos (depending on the type and amount)- my first time last year, i was literally minutes from dying before someone found me (i became infamous with the police because it was their first time having to drive an ambulance bc both paramedics were needed in the back and was SO close to finally just slipping away forever). Being able to fade away peacefully with benzos was genuinely the best feeling i had ever experienced (until i woke up after my coma- but had i thought about it better and had no chance of anyone finding me, i would be gone). It's actually pretty hard to get good benzos here in australia (most drs wont prescribe them). I have a much better plan now and was finally able to miraculously get access to a bunch of morphine and codeine- just trying not to rush into it so it can be the last attempt i ever have to make. Thanks for the response though

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You actually can effectively OD on benzos (depending on the type and amount)- my first time last year, i was literally minutes from dying before someone found me (i became infamous with the police because it was their first time having to drive an ambulance bc both paramedics were needed in the back and was SO close to finally just slipping away forever). Being able to fade away peacefully with benzos was genuinely the best feeling i had ever experienced (until i woke up after my coma- but had i thought about it better and had no chance of anyone finding me, i would be gone). It's actually pretty hard to get good benzos here in australia (most drs wont prescribe them). I have a much better plan now and was finally able to miraculously get access to a bunch of morphine and codeine- just trying not to rush into it so it can be the last attempt i ever have to make. Thanks for the response though

Thx for your response. Would you mind sharing which benzos you actually ODed on and how much you took?

 

[hellispink]

I wish i could buy from one too. I just want to drug myself until i die peacefully

 

[Erik.t.f]

dark web or just start asking for whatever in a park or something

 

[Desperate2die]

Thx for your response. Would you mind sharing which benzos you actually ODed on and how much you took?

i really dont remember- the first coma (the closest i ever got) was 50-100 valium 2mg, i dont know if there was alcohol or other pills as well, but the valium was the most effective.. but the more u OD on it, the more of a tolerance ur body gets to it. For perspective as well, im female and was probably around 55kg and it was enough to kill me (if the universe hadnt intervened).

 

[leloyon]

Yep. Not to commit suicide with though, just in general. I can't cope with this shit sober. I just want anything to dull the pain.

 

[Bianka]

Dark web is pretty reliable if you know what you're doing. I got and know people how got drugs from there pretty regularily. They're also a business. If the reviews are full of people who got scammed no one will buy from them again. And it's quailty shit. Often money back guarantee. So you might be looking in the wrong direction/sites
(I know about arhetype and it works great)

 

[SevenDayWeekend]

Would love to be able to afford and have a connection so could just take a heroin overdose or something.

Hanging and walking in front of a truck at high speed are my only viable options right now. Looking in to SN, just need to find how to get it here.

 

[JezebelDuLioncourt]

What has worked for me in the past (i.e., getting access to a dealer) was using a particular dating app where I'd put code words in my profile (e.g., "looking to party," "pnp," etc.) and had gotten the attention of dealers or of people with connections. Back then, my intention was merely to hook up, not to ctb (I was into uppers then).

I have been clean and sober now for a little over a year and have moved to another city. I recently messaged one of my former dealers (a guy I sort of "dated" and remain "friends" with) to ask if I could get F from him. He said yes and even suggested that he'd mail it to me to where I live now. We left it at that.

I have been contemplating the idea of using the same app to find new connections where I live now. But the thought of going thru all the motions (getting dolled up, meeting guys, putting out, etc.) is so unappetizing to me these days. And that's why I'm here on SaSu, to see if I can find another viable option to ctb. But if nothing else pans out here (which is looking more and more to be case), then I'll go back to Plan A. I think that when I get desperate enough (and I'm getting there fast), I'd get over my qualms and spur myself to action to get my one-way ticket to ride that goddamn bus.

 

[Silent_cries]

I too wish I had access to drugs, but not just for ctb, but also for relief against my depression, anxieties and stresses. I'm ngl, that one time I was given morphine at the icu for pain relief is the best I've ever felt in a long time. That stuff was amazing...

 

[Ash]

There's loads of drug use around here but the only people I know who deal aren't a particularly nice lot and I've had problems with them in the past so don't want to go to them. Ironically, one of them ODd a while back on his own product. But it wasn't a "good death" by all accounts, which is even more reason to stay the hell away from them. I'd just like to take something that would make me unconscious in seconds and then I'd die in a state of oblivion.

 

[Charcoal]

I wish i had contact to a mexican cartell or dealer and they can get me Pentobarbital.

SN is good, but pento is better an safetly.