Venting anyone else here with ptsd trauma from being bullied?

[Donk]

immigranted to this country when i was 9 yo with my parents. i remember the first night here i was balling my eyes out. the thought of living in a foreign place and unable communicate with others terrified me. i was the only asian kid. i didnt have any friends and i was constantly bullied in school for being different i thought things would turn around in high school..boy i was wrong...i felt even more of an outcast in high school. nobody wanted to hangout with me and i felt vulnerable. kids smelled blood and bullied me everyday. thats when i started getting depress and anxious. i attempted suicide twice at the age of 12. i felt worthless since i was failing in school and i didnt have any friends for support. fast forward to the present i still feel like that kid who came to a new country alone and afraid. i have no friends because im afraid of rejection. like how i was constantly rejected when i was a child. my bro is also mentally ill. he's a schizophrenic and im always concern for his well being. he went through the same ordeal as me when he was young. life is not fucking fair. i wish i was born a different race so kids would have accepted me instead of bullying me for being different. sorry for sounding like im rambling but i needed to get it off my chest. i feel like ctb is the only solution since i cant change my past and it still haunts me to this date.

 

[Squiddy]

Fortunately, I didn't get PTSD from it, but I was bullied everyday in middle school and it haunted me for about a year after moving where I would get dreams about it, but it was awful. Occasionally, I'll still get dreams about it now, but not nearly as many as before

Also, welcome to SS

 

[Epsilon0]

Noone, absolutely noone should ever have to be subjected to bullying growing up. It is a soul-crushing experience, it leaves scars the size of canyons that can never be filled.

My next-door neighbour, a truly gentle boy, was different than the rest of us, and I saw him get beat up and made fun of day after day after day by all the older kids. Some days I would intervene and try to stop it, but most times, I was afraid, never said a word, and just watched it happen... I would then go home and cry myself to sleep.

I am sorry for what you went through!

 

[Backwood_tilt]

I was able to treat my Chronic PTSD (which sounds like what yuo have, trauma related from an ongoing set of exposures as opposed to one specific incident) quite successfully with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which the US Veteran's Administration also recommends as the first line treatment for PTSD.

I was advantaged by also microdosing LSD at the time, including during some of my EMDR sessions, which i think allowed me to recover heal from past traumas much more easily.

None of this is stopping me from wanting to CTB, and it might not stop you. But there is hope and treatment for what you are describing, even if not for you.

 

[hashtagnull]

Yes, I would say that being bullied every day at school from the age of 11-16 left me with complex PTSD and is the main reason I can't cope with people/life and want to CTB. It was made worse by my parents, who gave me no help or support at all, only made me feel humiliated, because I couldn't cope with school like a normal kid. It must be shitty to be bullied for things you can't change, like race or disability, but it was also crappy being bullied and ostracised while feeling that there was no real reason for it. No excuse. Only me, I suppose... my personality or whatever was so bad that people would single me out and torture me. It left me with the belief that there is something wrong with me - something which other people will eventually find out and reject me for, and I've never been able to shake that feeling. People still do reject me, sooner or later. I found socialising difficult before I was bullied, but afterwards I have never recovered - I would say that having bad parents and being bullied have ruined my life.

 

[Squiddy]

Fortunately, I didn't get PTSD from it, but I was bullied everyday in middle school and it haunted me for about a year after moving where I would get dreams about it, but it was awful. Occasionally, I'll still get dreams about it now, but not nearly as many as before

Also, welcome to SS

I thought it didn't affect me, but it really did. I ended up getting diagnosed with PTSD later because of it, I just ignored symptoms :(