Venting Anyone else here used to be fit?

[FogFilledLife]

I used to exercise daily, now I exercise half- yearly. I used to get compliments, now I get disses. I spent months in psych facilities watching my muscle decay and have never regained it, but lost more. I used to have the willpower to eat nothing but healthy food for months on end and lose 30 pounds in three months, now I can't even bring myself to get out of bed without 12 hours of sleep.

My depression went from manageable to non-existent. I feel numb but somehow worse than when I felt sad. I don't even plan for suicide anymore, just think of doing it.

My latest attempt a week ago I didn't feel anything as I set it up, no drive to do it or not, just uncomfortable because I had to move my fat body. I failed and that's been the only time I've felt alive in months if not two years.

I might get kicked out of the place I'm staying soon because I can't keep my mouth shut, but I still feel nothing. Every emotion I feel is short lived and dies almost quicker than it came.

My hearing and eyesight is going away on one side and I can barely put in the effort to try to see a doctor. I can't even recall what I was thinking of when I started this post.

Anyways, enough pathetic venting.

 

[jimmy7754]

Yes. I injured myself.

 

[Chiisai]

I used to exercise daily, now I exercise half- yearly. I used to get compliments, now I get disses. I spent months in psych facilities watching my muscle decay and have never regained it, but lost more. I used to have the willpower to eat nothing but healthy food for months on end and lose 30 pounds in three months, now I can't even bring myself to get out of bed without 12 hours of sleep.

My depression went from manageable to non-existent. I feel numb but somehow worse than when I felt sad. I don't even plan for suicide anymore, just think of doing it.

My latest attempt a week ago I didn't feel anything as I set it up, no drive to do it or not, just uncomfortable because I had to move my fat body. I failed and that's been the only time I've felt alive in months if not two years.

I might get kicked out of the place I'm staying soon because I can't keep my mouth shut, but I still feel nothing. Every emotion I feel is short lived and dies almost quicker than it came.

My hearing and eyesight is going away on one side and I can barely put in the effort to try to see a doctor. I can't even recall what I was thinking of when I started this post.

Anyways, enough pathetic venting.

I feel you. Used to be fit too. Weighing at just 50-60kg and riding bigbikes, sure gonna make one fit just by riding. Haha. My eyesight and hearing are not as good as it was too. Losing eyesight because of strain from work looking at computer screens all day, and losing hearing from riding these bikes.

 

[Al Cappella]

Yes. I used to run almost every day, sometimes as long as 3 hours. I will again.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I used to exercise daily, now I exercise half- yearly. I spent months in psych facilities watching my muscle decay and have never regained it, but lost more. I don't even plan for suicide anymore, just think of doing it.

are we the same person

i get fatter every day which only makes me hate myself more - yet somehow not enough to put in the effort to kill myself

i am too lazy to even do that so i pray that i will die in my sleep or fall ill with cancer etc

 

[Sakura94]

I used to exhaust myself running, not sure it counts as being fit. I did go to gym but I also had ana at the same time so not really lol

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I used to go to the gym too but I stopped going some time ago. This week I started going for daily evening walks with a housemate. It's doing me good to get some air.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Yes. But not any more.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Used to run 4 miles and an hour of high intensity training daily … now nothing

 

[Ethereal Knight]

@FogFilledLife have you considered that your drug(s) may be your problem?

 

[Lost Magic]

Yes, exercise was my escape, but I can't be fucked anymore. Everything is too tiring now.

 

[Zebedee]

Yes, I used to go to the gym three times a week and was in reasonably good shape. These days I can barely drag myself out of bed to brush my teeth. How times have changed.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Use to years ago before my ex but nope no motivation and idc anymore

 

[CommitSudoku]

I was never fit as a kid, and due to family my perspective became warped so I don't even know how I was back then. Before covid hit back when I had someone who made me want to try, who I wanted to be seen by and impress, I took up exercising with my sister and even got some friends(?) involved. Those times were really nice honestly. Did many Chloe Ting workouts and to this day if I hear MISS YOU! by Corpse I get an incredible urge to just go at a Chole Ting video until I can't breathe or think about certain people. Doesn't help the lyrics fit how I feel to a T.

My perspective is still so warped I don't know if I'm in shape or not, plus my eating habits can now either be 1) no eating, or 2) overeating. But I bike to my second job and stay active there so I don't believe I'm too much out of shape.

In my experience, having others and a reason to work out where the things that helped the most. Having two friends and my sister to keep me accountable and join in sometimes was really nice, and then having motivation to actually empower me to keep to it. Now I'm not sure I'd even want her to see me, if she even still would want to meet.

 

[...]

yes exactly the same as OP. lost nearly twenty kilos in a scarily short period of time since i got depressed and stopped working out. used to have pretty impressive lifting numbers relative to my age and weight; i was on the verge of competing for my uni's powerlifting team in the 93kg category bench only comp which with a pr of 140kg woulda of seen me fighting for podiums. i used to really like how i looked and it was the source of most of my confidence and now i look like a stick.

the problem with the gym is everytime i go back i always begin to cry or breakdown or lose all my energy at the grief of losing my sweetheart because it was our greatest bonding place.

 

[Deadly_Intention]

I used to be what I felt was 'perfect' ... but then depression hit an all time high and my BPD diagnoses came so it's a rollercoaster most of the time. My weight has never been constant but now it varies so drastically from week to week, I can't even tell anymore if I'm fat or skinny or skinny fat ... I am just a shell who apparently can't even have consistent eating habits... one week I overeat, the next I starve and so it goes. I basically have all eating disorders that my brain randomly picks and decides on. I hate it. I don't even enjoy food anymore. It brings me so much agony.

 

[deleted]

Yes last year I did some exercises at home and in the park it was a routine, I also did 1 month of gym at the time I posted about it in recovery but despite everything the bad thoughts won, I miss my muscles I lost a few pounds I'm skin and bone. Leaving home was torture too I prefer to stay in my comfortable bubble before I die

 

[Hercules]

Yes, I used to be very fit. I walked several miles every day, and went swimming 3 times a week at the gym. Then I got in a car accident, and now I am in a wheelchair. I am not in good shape anymore. I have gained a lot of weight since being in the wheelchair.

 

[_Seeking]

Yes, I used to exercise regularly and was feeling pretty decent until I tore both hip labrums and my nerve pain condition spread there. Now I can't bring myself to fight against the pain. I could go swimming, but I am too depressed from my physical problems to fight anymore.

 

[FogFilledLife]

@FogFilledLife have you considered that your drug(s) may be your problem?

No drugs.

 

[Hurt]

Yes. I am considering stopping alcohol and start exercising again since it helps to my mood.

Yes, I used to go to the gym three times a week and was in reasonably good shape. These days I can barely drag myself out of bed to brush my teeth. How times have changed.

I understand. This affects mentally and physically. It sucks.

 

[thereisthemist]

I marked this thread because I'm insecure about my body and fitness
regardless, I never exercised because I'm too afraid of that

toxins came from my own piggy brain, but this lil post should be doing things to that

 

[locked*n*loaded]

At 5'10" and 162lbs, I think I'm doing OK for my age, at least compared to many others my age. A good BMI is not necessarily an indicator of fitness, though.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I used to exercise almost every day... I had abs. I used to eat healthier. Now I eat more junk food and drink way more soda. I wish I could give it up. Specially the soda but I like it too much.

At 5'10" and 162lbs, I think I'm doing OK for my age, at least compared to many others my age. A good BMI is not necessarily an indicator of fitness, though.

Jealous!!!

yes exactly the same as OP. lost nearly twenty kilos in a scarily short period of time since i got depressed and stopped working out. used to have pretty impressive lifting numbers relative to my age and weight; i was on the verge of competing for my uni's powerlifting team in the 93kg category bench only comp which with a pr of 140kg woulda of seen me fighting for podiums. i used to really like how i looked and it was the source of most of my confidence and now i look like a stick.

the problem with the gym is everytime i go back i always begin to cry or breakdown or lose all my energy at the grief of losing my sweetheart because it was our greatest bonding place.

I wish I was able to lose weight. I would rather look like you than me.

P.S. If that is your cat... Adorable.

 

[outrider567]

Still quite fit, still climb 700 steps each morning in the pre-dawn darkness in the park--Strenuous exercise is supposed to help your mental state, but it hasn't helped me at all

 

[houseofleaves]

Meeeeee… but then i gained 10 kg. Thanks olanzapine yay!

 

[WorthlessTrash]

A few years ago i used to take 4 hour walks and eat better. I almost went down to 200 lbs, then in May, my depression hit me extremely hard causing me to lose motivation and now I am 300 lbs. Not that it matters, I'm going to CTB soon.

 

[Starryeyes]

Used to go to the gym most days. I suffer body dysmorphia. I thought I looked fat then but I was in the best condition ever.

 

[Wizard999666]

I'm as fit as I can be. Doesen't make much of a difference to me, I would much rather be good at music or art or something, that takes many years to get good at while getting fit can be achieved in a shorter period of time. I'm also upset because I cut my long hair and now I look ugly, that's gonna take years to grow back.