Discussion Anyone else here planning cbt despite being generally happy?

[ArawenSilvenstar]

My reasoning for cbt is a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 and pretty severe methamphetamine addiction (I have been clean 57 days!). I know that with all the therapy and amazing friends I have right now and the progress im making on my trauma Im generally happier than I have ever been. But it is temporary, my Bipolar will get worse as I age and inevitably I will relapse like I always do. So I have decided to die happy, with good memories and while I currently am in love. This will also spare family and friends from seeing me spiral down and become a shell of my current self.

Anyone else have similar reasons? If not why are you going to cbt?

 

[Life_and_Death]

technically yes? bpd. i have good days but my good days are filled with thoughts of "you still have to, its for the best".
right now im not having a good day but im not at my lowest, however suicide is still on my mind. i still have to. its still for the best. much like you its ups and downs and the downs wont go away so might as well make them cease a different way.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, kinda!

I suffer from bipolar disorder and have terrible suicidal DOWNS but my UPS are just wonderful.

Somehow, these months, I've been quite stable and I'm being a productive human being again by working and studying a lot while having some kind of reward such as Sats' snacks and booze lol.

I have a good family (except for my schizophrenic mother), if I wanted to I could get back lots of ex friends and maybe get a gf but I'm just not really happy with all that anymore. I can feel happiness but it's not enough to make me forget about ctb.

I just don't understand existence and due to the fact that I won't ever get the answers I seek, I'd just rather get the hell out of this planet.

 

[ArawenSilvenstar]

technically yes? bpd. i have good days but my good days are filled with thoughts of "you still have to, its for the best".
right now im not having a good day but im not at my lowest, however suicide is still on my mind. i still have to. its still for the best. much like you its ups and downs and the downs wont go away so might as well make them cease a different way.

I definitely relate, we have a permanent problem and I know that any progress is just stalling the inevitable torture my brain puts me through. A permanent solution to a permanent problem just makes sense. But I hope you have a good day soon :)

Yes, kinda!

I suffer from bipolar disorder and have terrible suicidal DOWNS but my UPS are just wonderful.

Somehow, these months, I've been quite stable and I'm being a productive human being by working and studying a lot while having some kind of reward such as Sats' snacks and booze lol.

I have a good family (except for my schizophrenic mother), if I wanted to I could get back lots of ex friends and maybe get a gf but I'm just not really happy with all that anymore. I can feel happiness but it's not enough to make me forget about ctb.

I just don't understand existence and due to the fact that I won't ever get the answers I seek, I'd just rather get the hell out of this planet.

Once the thought was gets in your head, its damn near impossible to get rid of it. I feel as if I finally have the solution to everything I've always grappled with. And an end to the constant struggle. Best of luck, if you cbt I hope you are happy in the days leading up!

 

[Life_and_Death]

A permanent solution to a permanent problem just makes sense.

lol i love that and its how i feel as well. temporary problem? have you ever lived with my problem? if not then dont assume its temporary and go away lol. when the comment is accurate its accurate, but not everything is temporary so they shouldnt throw it around like it is and even what is temporary (ie the way we go up and down emotionally) its still going to come back, thats not going to stop.

honestly my views on the subject is i might be insane (which i do believe i am) but this doesnt change the way i feel. whether the pain i feel is real or not im still feeling it so why should the way i feel be pushed aside just because im insane?

 

[ArawenSilvenstar]

whether the pain i feel is real or not im still feeling it so why should the way i feel be pushed aside just because im insane?

The only real thing is our experience and ultimately how we feel. Even our thoughts arent an accurate description of the world as we all have the lense we the see the world through. The only thing that I know to be true and real is my emotions and my pain. Your feelings are valid!

 

[Bullit]

If I was happy and life was good no way in hell I'd ctb!!

 

[Toonloon]

Yeah I already have a place I'll hang myself. Rope. I'm planning for my future but I Always have my plan in my back pocket. I have really hard downs even when I'm with the people I love. But I know deep down nothing will ever stay good for me. So I Know the best option I have is to just say fuck it all one day.

 

[Bat 17]

My reasoning for cbt is a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 and pretty severe methamphetamine addiction (I have been clean 57 days!). I know that with all the therapy and amazing friends I have right now and the progress im making on my trauma Im generally happier than I have ever been. But it is temporary, my Bipolar will get worse as I age and inevitably I will relapse like I always do. So I have decided to die happy, with good memories and while I currently am in love. This will also spare family and friends from seeing me spiral down and become a shell of my current self.

Anyone else have similar reasons? If not why are you going to cbt?

Headmasters note:

Its CTB as in Catch The Bus ...............to Beachy Head or to the Beyond

CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy

I only make this correction because you've used "CBT" three times so I assume its not a typo

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm not unhappy, I'm reasonably content but still like the idea of controlling my own death. Life has never been boring for me. There is just too much I'm interested in. I'm feeling ambivalent most days.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't know what being happy is even like really. Anhedonia has taken over I guess. It honestly doesn't seem logical wanting to ctb if you are happy. I guess that is what certain mental illnesses can do to you I guess.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Headmasters note:

Its CTB as in Catch The Bus ...............to Beachy Head or to the Beyond

CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy

I only make this correction because you've used "CBT" three times so I assume its not a typo

Of course one could literally CTB to CBT then either CTB back home or indeed decide to (figuratively) CTB because CBT was a waste of time.

 

[Rayzieka]

If my low is just a down I guess I would reconsider.

 

[landojustwannactb]

Of course one could literally CTB to CBT then either CTB back home or indeed decide to (figuratively) CTB because CBT was a waste of time.

 

[sm20]

My reasoning for cbt is a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 and pretty severe methamphetamine addiction (I have been clean 57 days!). I know that with all the therapy and amazing friends I have right now and the progress im making on my trauma Im generally happier than I have ever been. But it is temporary, my Bipolar will get worse as I age and inevitably I will relapse like I always do. So I have decided to die happy, with good memories and while I currently am in love. This will also spare family and friends from seeing me spiral down and become a shell of my current self.

Anyone else have similar reasons? If not why are you going to cbt?

I wouldn't say I'm happy but I rarely ever feel sad and my mood is usually neutral to slightly worse than neutral. I'm the opposite of you where my conditions should keep improving over time but I don't know if I want to stay alive that long to see the improvements. I guess things used to be so bad that I'm used to the idea of suicide, and if my mood only fluctuates between neutral and slightly worse than that then I see it as a life not worth living.

 

[oneirogen]

Yes, right now I am o.k.a.y.
Sometimes (though not frequently) even joyful. At my highest I am still set on CTB because I know, with all the years of thinking and reasoning that it is just what is best for me to do. I hope that when the day comes I can leave in good spirits and not go through with it while I am in a state of despair and desperation (and hopefully I don't need to reach that level to actually get it done).

 

[suisuiforum]

I don't believe I experience the incessant excruciating mental or physical pain that is causing many people here to CTB; I just find that life isn't worthwhile for me to continue pursuing, and I'd rather nip it in the bud since death is inevitable anyway. I'm still able to experience happiness sometimes, but I think bouts of anhedonia also allowed me to realize that life is just a ridiculous never-ending cycle of turbulent emotions, and I'd rather experience nothing than these constant ups and downs.

 

[khz89]

I might be unusual here but I actually love life. I can just see that the world is about to become hell and I don't want to be around for it. It's kinda sad cause there's a lot more i'd have liked to do.

 

[stygal]

I might be unusual here but I actually love life. I can just see that the world is about to become hell and I don't want to be around for it. It's kinda sad cause there's a lot more i'd have liked to do.

This is me atm...I'm not completely in love with life but actually doing okay (hence not being very active around here lately)

But climate change and the prospect of having to work nearly 40 years until I could properly retire kinda get me.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yup!
I'm on that boat!
I've been quite happy these months but I'll still ctb because I don't wanna ctb just because of a specific current problem.
My issue is life. I just find it pointless because I don't get the point of keep on living until I get sick and I'm a f*cking old grey man.

 

[stygal]

Yup!
I'm on that boat!
I've been quite happy these months but I'll still ctb because I don't wanna ctb just because of a specific current problem.
My issue is life. I just find it pointless because I don't get the point of keep on living until I get suck and I'm a f*cking old grey man.

Getting old is definitely another factor and it feels like something I am not meant for as well as doing the same things over and over and over again. You're right: pointless!

 

[patheticpartner]

Yes. It's pretty easy for me to feel happy, so my ctb isn't for emotional reasons. I'd just rather be dead than settle for a life that is different from the life I prefer. I most likely won't have my ideal future due to my genetics, so I don't even want to try.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Damn, ctb even though you're happy?
I can't fathom that for myself. But I understand why others would

 

[Apathy's Girl]

My reasoning for cbt is a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 and pretty severe methamphetamine addiction (I have been clean 57 days!).

Congratulations on 57 days of being clean! That's a huge accomplishment and you should be proud. Keep up the good work, I'm sure it's a struggle, glad to hear you have a support network.

I also suffer from bipolar disorder and bouts of acute paranoia. Right now things are pretty stable but I know I'm starting to slip into a depression. The feeling of wanting to CTB is always on my mind, in every thought. Being bipolar is just one of my reasons for wanting to CTB but it is part of it.

 

[Seafoam]

I also have bipolar disorder. It's messed me up pretty bad. I can't see myself growing old like this. Too much struggle. Congrats on being clean! :)

 

[its-about-time]

Congrats on the sobriety! Your post is months old now, I'm curious if you've maintained being clean. I supposedly have bipolar as well. Been through so many diagnoses I just stopped believing any of it. I'm doing well right now though. It feels like a good time to go out. It always goes back to being horrible, so rather now than then. Now, nobody is worried I'll ctb, nobody is watching me closely, it'll be a surprise to others but I have the privacy and freedom at the moment to prep undetected.

 

[peace is good]

为了生活奔波，穷并且丑陋，拥有一个冷漠而不健康的家庭，我是个没有家的人，长期失眠，睡眠障碍。。尽管活着可能美好，但这些条件，让我的生活变得很糟糕，上天给我了一手烂牌，无力改变。我需要平静。

 

[suicidalpushpop]

never in a million years would i cbt if i considered myself to be happy.

 

[Murt]

never in a million years would i cbt if i considered myself to be happy.

Nor me. I don't want excitement or deep meaning. Just plain steady happiness. It's just not in me.

 

[Saudade]

technically yes? bpd. i have good days but my good days are filled with thoughts of "you still have to, its for the best".
right now im not having a good day but im not at my lowest, however suicide is still on my mind. i still have to. its still for the best. much like you its ups and downs and the downs wont go away so might as well make them cease a different way.

Wow I have bpd and could never explain that "need" to ctb. You did explain it very well, I relate to you a lot.