Anyone else here originally planning to wait to ctb until their nice parents died?

[Close_to_freedom]

That was my plan, but I can't wait possibly another 20 years. How do I deal with the guilt?

 

[marcusuk63]

yes especialy as i`m a twin and my twin died and neary 2 years ago my older brother died , they are in their 80`s but as fit and healthy as 60 year old ...
unfortunatly my situation has now come to a head and i Have to go before the 24th of this month , i wont go into deatails but it`s all fucked up now as aposed to being 95% fucked up ,
I had to break into my brothers to find him dead and then drive to mum and dads ant tell them , it also happend to be the anaverasry week of my twins death ...
It`s tearing me apart as it was the 1st time i`ve seen my dad cry and i cant bear the thought of putting them through it .
I have aleady got rid of most of my possetions and this week i have bin getting rid of the little things , so all my draws are nearly empty and i`ve been boxing up other stuff as i`m leaving whats left and the House and car to my 20 year my jounior brother so he hasnt anthing to sort out .

It`s a guilt i`m going to have to die with i`m afraid

good luck with your choice

 

[Close_to_freedom]

yes especialy as i`m a twin and my twin died and neary 2 years ago my older brother died , they are in their 80`s but as fit and healthy as 60 year old ...
unfortunatly my situation has now come to a head and i Have to go before the 24th of this month , i wont go into deatails but it`s all fucked up now as aposed to being 95% fucked up ,
I had to break into my brothers to find him dead and then drive to mum and dads ant tell them , it also happend to be the anaverasry week of my twins death ...
It`s tearing me apart as it was the 1st time i`ve seen my dad cry and i cant bear the thought of putting them through it .
I have aleady got rid of most of my possetions and this week i have bin getting rid of the little things , so all my draws are nearly empty and i`ve been boxing up other stuff as i`m leaving whats left and the House and car to my 20 year my jounior brother so he hasnt anthing to sort out .

It`s a guilt i`m going to have to die with i`m afraid

good luck with your choice

I used to think the guilt could be done away with by staying alive until my parents died. I see that that perfect scenario can't always happen due to various problems that arise in one's life.

It's like we're burning in the Hell of our own mind and we feel we should stay alive and suffer in place of our parents when the truth is suffering is inevitable for everyone. Our living sacrifice is ultimately pointless.

 

[azdertex1598]

i hope so .. , but if i lose patience i'll be selfish

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

In a weird way, I want my family to be alive and see me suffer. That are the reason I am suicidal today so I want revenge

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

I used to be the same... I would feel so guilty. However... Something inside me just "clicked." Like I don't feel anything at the moment. Don't care about anything at all. I feel like I'm kinda ready.

 

[Bct]

For parents, I only care about my father. He has some health issues so it may be several years before those issues are starting to take their tolls. But that doesn't mean I won't CTB when he'ss still alive.

 

[flirtrv]

this is the main reason i cant seem to ctb... ik it wouldd destroy my mom nd i feel guilty but also... 20 more years :/

 

[Acerakis]

I was but I am not sure I can. Watching my father lose his mind to Alzheimers while my mother is trying to use me as support when I can't even support myself is draining me. I want to help them but I can't do anything.

 

[Sslsh]

yes. not sure how long though. sure it will destroy them but everybody dies.

 

[SoftAndSad]

Yes, was thinking about how the grief would possibly remove the barrier of SI too. I am thinking that dementia will be a long step before passing though and I am not mentally strong enough to handle it so I have a hard time being certain about the future.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'm hardly in my prime, but even at 37, the wait would be far too long. With the way I eat, and the amount I smoke, I might have died right about then anyway.

 

[ERASED]

I'm glad you had nice parents. I have a crackhead whore as a mom......and i hate even calling her my mom.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

I'm glad you had nice parents. I have a crackhead whore as a mom......and i hate even calling her my mom.

My birth mother was an abusive schizophrenic. Then I was later adopted.

 

[Maravillosa]

My mother is 80 years old: I am 53. I care for Mom very much and I would not want to ctb while she is still alive.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

No, who has that kind of time

 

[Close_to_freedom]

No, who has that kind of time

The dead

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I'm waiting for my mom. She's the best thing that happened to me and I can't bear to see her cry over me one more time. I will wait. Of course I'm only 30 and my parents are barely 70

 

[Close_to_freedom]

I'm waiting for my mom. She's the best thing that happened to me and I can't bear to see her cry over me one more time. I will wait. Of course I'm only 30 and my parents are barely 70

You could be waiting 20 yrs.

 

[KLUF]

Oh yeah, the famous "mom would be sad'. Yes I'm waiting for my parents too. I wanted to CTB earlier but I imagined how devastating that would be to them.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

You could be waiting 20 yrs.

I know. The thought is agonizing. I've had several attempts over the years and everytime it kills my mom. Every time it's been impulsive too. I will better plan now.

You could be waiting 20 yrs.

Although I've been dropping hits. Last week I cried to her and said I'm losing my battle

 

[English_Rose]

yes especialy as i`m a twin and my twin died and neary 2 years ago my older brother died , they are in their 80`s but as fit and healthy as 60 year old ...
unfortunatly my situation has now come to a head and i Have to go before the 24th of this month , i wont go into deatails but it`s all fucked up now as aposed to being 95% fucked up ,
I had to break into my brothers to find him dead and then drive to mum and dads ant tell them , it also happend to be the anaverasry week of my twins death ...
It`s tearing me apart as it was the 1st time i`ve seen my dad cry and i cant bear the thought of putting them through it .
I have aleady got rid of most of my possetions and this week i have bin getting rid of the little things , so all my draws are nearly empty and i`ve been boxing up other stuff as i`m leaving whats left and the House and car to my 20 year my jounior brother so he hasnt anthing to sort out .

It`s a guilt i`m going to have to die with i`m afraid

good luck with your choice

I'm from Yorkshire England, if you need to talk. Feel free to message me. Being a local i thought that might help.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Oh yeah, the famous "mom would be sad'. Yes I'm waiting for my parents too. I wanted to CTB earlier but I imagined how devastating that would be to them.

Thankfully my suffering matters more to me than theirs.

 

[brainpain2]

I can't wait for that. I feel bad for them, but they know I'm suffering and will understand

 

[TheRaul95]

If would be alone, would be easier to CTB. Now whos gonna take first step...

 

[AlreadyGone]

Nope. Not at all. There is no way I am waiting that long. Kudos to those who can.

 

[giles corey]

i've made it clear to my mother that ctb is completely inevitable. it's an incredibly painful situation for both of us, but she knows i am suffering needlessly.

 

[Despondent]

When you die, there is no guilt to feel.

I'm in the same position though -- I find it hard to not be able to say an official goodbye to my mom. It's going to weight heavily on me in my last moments.

 

[TrappedSoulhere]

I'm still here for my mom.

 

[I screwed up]

I know my parents will be devastated when I ctb , I wish I could wait till they die but I can't carry on with my depression. Hiding my depressed state of mind from them is n itself difficult. BTW they are barely 70 and I am 40.