Anyone else have disorganized tendencies that contribute to their mental state?

[JudasIscariot]

I have an extreme issue with disorganization. I assume it is both environmental and genetic. It may seem like an easily solvable issue; however, I have not received any influences or tips to organize besides anecdotal ones from successful members of society. My bedroom is cluttered and crammed. Every flat surface is contained with items. I have no place to stand or sit except 3 feet of decayed, hard wooden floor. There are other places in my living space to sit, though they are embedded with animal hairs of my pets. Purely my fault, as I could vacuum but utterly lack the motivation to. The only space that I am semi-content is at my kitchen table, however it is wobbly due to a lost and missing screw. I am a collector, perhaps compulsively. Everything from books to statues to broken glass. It would be too simple to claim that I could easily clean out my living space. Doing so would require extensive help from others which is not accessible. This aspect among many of my existence is a large contributing factor to my worsening circumstances and mind. Does anyone else relate?

 

[themethod]

Being disorganised may sound kind of trivial to some but it just makes functioning in this already difficult world so hard and tiring.
Even as a kid at school instead of books i just always had screwed up bits of paper in my bag that i would take out and not even know what class they were from... this pattern hasnt stopped and at 42 along with adhd and a terrible habit of procrastination has stopped me from ever truly fullfilling my potential and despite all the other things i have going for me means i will never be able to function in this world and have a succsesful life! However hard i try i just cant change and always revert back to these frustrating character traits!

 

[JudasIscariot]

Being disorganised may sound kind of trivial to some but it just makes functioning in this already difficult world so hard and tiring.
Even as a kid at school instead of books i just had screwed yobbits of paper in my bag that i would take out and not even know what class they were from... this pattern hasnt stopped and at 42 along with adhd and a terrible habit of procrastination has stopped me from ever truly fullfilling my potential and despite all the other things i have going for me means i will never be able to function in this world and have a succsesful life! However hard i try i just cant change and always revert back to these character traits!

Yeah, I absolutely agree with your reply. I was very neat and organized as a kid, and I still am, somewhat, to related documents and such, however my collected items remain utterly disorganized, yet I rarely lose things. The procrastination bit isn't something I can relate to in a large sense, but I sympathize and have experienced a bit of this as well. In regards to your judgement of your potential, some of the most successful people in history have achieved fortune at older ages. I worry about that too and revert back to such traits as well. No chemicals seem to absolve it. Thanks for your comment, I hope you find some relief.

 

[themethod]

Yeah, I absolutely agree with your reply. I was very neat and organized as a kid, and I still am, somewhat, to related documents and such, however my collected items remain utterly disorganized, yet I rarely lose things. The procrastination bit isn't something I can relate to in a large sense, but I sympathize and have experienced a bit of this as well. In regards to your judgement of your potential, some of the most successful people in history have achieved fortune at older ages. I worry about that too and revert back to such traits as well. No chemicals seem to absolve it. Thanks for your comment, I hope you find some relief.

Ive been pretty rich already for a while... ran my own fitness wear brand that i took from nothing to having over 100'000 followers on instagram and selling 1000 uk pounds of products weekly in less than six months and on the surface looked amazing but behind the scenes was a total fucking horror show due to my terrible organisation and i had to just give it up and let it go or go completely nuts! Today i ordered my SN and anti-sickness meds... im pretty certain thats the only real way ill find relief. life is just about still worth living at the moment but i need an exit plan before i end up alone with nothing in a freezing cold, moulding, damp mess of a place here in uk winters... because apart from a miracle despite my potential all paths eventually lead there one day sadly!

 

[JudasIscariot]

Ive been pretty rich already for a while... ran my own fitness wear brand that i took from nothing to having over 100'000 followers on instagram and selling 1000 uk pounds of products weekly in less than six months and on the surface looked amazing but behind the scenes was a total fucking horror show due to my terrible organisation and i had to just give it up and let it go or go completely nuts! Today i ordered my SN and anti-sickness meds... im pretty certain thatd when ill find peace... life is just about living at the moment but i need an exit plan before i end up alone with nothing in a freezing cold, mouldingx damp mess of place here in uk winters... because apart from a miracle despite my potential all paths eventually lead their sadly!

Sounds like you were really successful, that's good. I'm sorry to hear you weren't able to continue. I'm a lot like that too. The weight of the world is on my shoulders and it completely flattens me to the ground, at times. Did you buy the SN from CCS? I'm totally lost about all these sources, all the sources I remember from 2-3 years ago on SS are completely gone now. Will have to do more research about those. I'm really sorry to hear about your living conditions. Are there any resources near you that could help? Maybe shelters, food pantries, relatives? Maybe loaded questions but I'd hate to hear of anyone dying by suicide before fully exploring their options. It seems like you already have, though, just based off of your certainty and feelings of peace regarding death.

 

[themethod]

Sounds like you were really successful, that's good. I'm sorry to hear you weren't able to continue. I'm a lot like that too. The weight of the world is on my shoulders and it completely flattens me to the ground, at times. Did you buy the SN from CCS? I'm totally lost about all these sources, all the sources I remember from 2-3 years ago on SS are completely gone now. Will have to do more research about those. I'm really sorry to hear about your living conditions. Are there any resources near you that could help? Maybe shelters, food pantries, relatives? Maybe loaded questions but I'd hate to hear of anyone dying by suicide before fully exploring their options. It seems like you already have, though, just based off of your certainty and feelings of peace regarding death.

I got mine from IC as i was informed its the best source for uk buyers... got my shipment confirmation a few hours later!
Im ok for a while i still have savings that will keep me going and a little hope of making a youtube channel work but otherwise they wont last forever and some time, some point i will end up there, i see now its inevitable... and thats why i need to be prepared. Id been having increasing nightmares... not about having to ctb, im ok with that but more just not knowing how the fuck to go about it and not messing it up and making things way worse so finding this place has been amazing and i now have a pretty solid plan in place which is a huge relief!

 

[JudasIscariot]

I got mine from IC as i was informed its the best source for uk buyers... got my shipment confirmation a few hours later!
Im ok for a while i still have savings that will keep me going and a little hope of making a youtube channel work but otherwise they wont last forever and some time, some point i will end up there, i see now its inevitable... and thats why i need to be prepared. Id been having increasing nightmares... not about having to ctb, im ok with that but more just not knowing how the fuck to go about it and not messing it up and making things way worse so finding this place has been amazing and i now have a pretty solid plan in place which is a huge relief!

Is there a megathread for SN sellers? I'm glad you feel better now. It's absolutely horrible to feel so trapped without a way out of any kind. I wouldn't wish it on almost anyone. I'm glad to hear you're alright for a bit. I can imagine how hard it must be, but I'd encourage you to keep going and try all options before you decide on suicide. I regard it as inevitable for me too. I can't even believe I'm still alive. It feels like a dream. Death is imminent for all of us which is one of my only comforts in this cruel world. Though I do worry a lot about apocalypses, societal collapse and environmental ruin, which is quickly progressing. I worry a lot about being the late person on Earth. A huge contributing factor to my suicide. In this sense I wish I had a blue pill almost. So many people don't give a hang about climate change and I don't understand how. SN is probably one of the only guaranteed methods with little risk of prolonged unpleasant (to put it lightly) consequences. I like your profile picture, by the way. Love Kurt. Have you checked out his drawings or journal? He was so, so smart. Definitely one of my biggest idols.

 

[themethod]

putting sources actual names in the main feed is not allowed but im certain the only real trusted one for US buyers its still ccs and for UK IC!
And i dont have a date... but im someone who due to my terrible disorganisation that includes money organisation habits and complete lack of any DIY skills im the kind of person who needs an income high enough to just pay someone to do these things for me so the youtube is my only shot of having a decent life into old age really, anything else is just buying time but leading to the same miserable existance eventually sooner or later!
Yes Kurt was so smart and talented but so troubled which is so often the way! The pic is from the MTV unplugged session they done right before he finished his life... its what ill listen to as i finish mine too!

 

[JudasIscariot]

putting sources actual names in the main feed is not allowed but im certain the only real trusted one for US buyers its still ccs and for UK IC!
And i dont have a date... but im someone who due to my terrible disorganisation that includes money organisation habits and complete lack of any DIY skills im the kind of person who needs an income high enough to just pay someone to do these things for me so the youtube is only shot, anything is just buying time but leading to the same end eventually.
Yes Kurt wax so smart and talented but so troubled which is so often the way! The pic is from the MTV unplugged session they done right before he finished his life... its what ill listen to as i finish mine too!

Yeah, I've heard it's not allowed. The names for sources used to be really discreet yet revealing all the same. How would I go about getting SN from CCS, would I DM a member here or do research on my own? I've seldom fulfilled any attempts at suicide on any planned dates. If you ever need a job, I'd recommend retail (it sucks, but is quick money) or odd jobs. Just something to consider. I'd consider promoting your YouTube on social medias if you haven't already, it's a good way to receive more viewers and money. Kurt was definitely troubled, I relate to him a lot. I didn't know MTV unplugged was done right before his death, how sad. It's so sad that he lost his passion for music. He burned so bright alive. If indeed he did kill himself, this was probably one of the biggest contributors. I would be so lost without music. I can't imagine how a talented musician would be without passion. Any particular song on the setlist you'd listen to whilst dying? I like "The Man Who Sold The World," it's grown on me a lot, I really like David Bowie, and that album has become one of my favorites. I think Kurt listed it as his #1 or close to that.

 

[themethod]

Yeah, I've heard it's not allowed. The names for sources used to be really discreet yet revealing all the same. How would I go about getting SN from CCS, would I DM a member here or do research on my own? I've seldom fulfilled any attempts at suicide on any planned dates. If you ever need a job, I'd recommend retail (it sucks, but is quick money) or odd jobs. Just something to consider. I'd consider promoting your YouTube on social medias if you haven't already, it's a good way to receive more viewers and money. Kurt was definitely troubled, I relate to him a lot. I didn't know MTV unplugged was done right before his death, how sad. It's so sad that he lost his passion for music. He burned so bright alive. If indeed he did kill himself, this was probably one of the biggest contributors. I would be so lost without music. I can't imagine how a talented musician would be without passion. Any particular song on the setlist you'd listen to whilst dying? I like "The Man Who Sold The World," it's grown on me a lot, I really like David Bowie, and that album has become one of my favorites. I think Kurt listed it as his #1 or close to that.

I dont have the ccs info as i was just sent the IC as i just asked for a PM in a Uk souce based thread where others had and was sent it!
Yes but the type of money you earn in those jobs is enough to survive especially with the issues we have spoken about making things increasingly more difficult daily... but is just surviving really living? And again its just delaying the inevitable... the older you get and the more fucked up this world gets its going to get more difficult to even just survive day to day... the nightmares told me i needed a plan, an exit for when enough is truly enough... but in a way i think it could be a postive thing like now my plan is in place i have nothing to lose kind of thing.
yeah im pretty good at social media as what i done with the brand proved but at the moment the yotrube is just a really good idea but hoping having nothing to lose now helps me with the procrastination a little!
Yes thats pretty appropiate i think... I would definitely have to listen to nightswimming by REM too sometime in that last few hours... i know Kurt loved REM too!

 

[JudasIscariot]

I dont have the ccs info as i was just sent the IC as i just asked for a PM in a Uk souce based thread where others had and was sent it!
Yes but the type of money you earn in those jobs is enough to survive especially with the issues we have spoken about making things increasingly more difficult daily... and is just surviving really living? And again its just delaying the inevitable... the nightmares told me i needed a plan, an exit for when enough is truly enough... but in a way i think it could be a postive thing like now my plan is in place i have nothing to lose kind of thing.
yeah im pretty good at social media as what i done with the brand proved but at the moment the yotrube is just a really good idea but hoping having nothing to lose now helps me with the procrastination a little!
Yes thats pretty appropiate i think... I would definitely have to listen to nightswimming by REM too sometime in that last few hours... i know Kurt loved REM too!

I'll definitely try to find CCS. I already have methods in mind but I'd like to have backups if possible. I agree that money with such torturous jobs is not great. I have similar thoughts of merely existing, it is very painful not to live. In the words of David Bowie, "I want to live, oh, I want to live." He said it all. Nothing to lose, I feel that way, though I do have plenty to lose by completing suicide, so I am trying to hang on. Yeah, I'd recommend trying as hard as possible before dying by suicide. You never know how good things could turn out. But it's really helpful to have a reliable way out. It makes me feel like I can do anything. No one seems to understand that at all. Never knew Kurt liked REM, it seems so contradictory, lol. Cancerous talk show hosts have ruined "Everybody Hurts" for me, although I never liked that song much in the first place.