Anyone else harmed by psychedelics?

[DreamEnd]

Had a terrifying trip on ayahuasca and life hadn't been the same since. I am in complete ptsd from the experience and on multiple psych meds. The ceremony was over a year ago and I still haven't gotten any better. Hence why I am on SaSu

 

[jodes2]

Not psychedelics, but MDMA reduced my capacity to be happy and not drug related, multiple episodes of psychosis left a bad mark on me

 

[DreamEnd]

Not psychedelics, but MDMA reduced my capacity to be happy and not drug related, multiple episodes of psychosis left a bad mark on me

Yeah mdma can do that. I tried it once and was depressed for the whole month afterwards

 

[jodes2]

Yeah mdma can do that. I tried it once and was depressed for the whole month afterwards

It happened slowly for me, I never had come downs but I guess I was destroying my brain

 

[Cryptonite]

Wow, that's insane. I didn't know it was possible. At first, I wanted to try psychedelics to combat my SI, but now I see it wasn't the brightest idea. Maybe you could try different psychedelics with an experienced tripsitter to make it better?

 

[DreamEnd]

Wow, that's insane. I didn't know it was possible. At first, I wanted to try psychedelics to combat my SI, but now I see it wasn't the brightest idea. Maybe you could try different psychedelics with an experienced tripsitter to make it better?

Some of the easier psychedelics like lsd are good. I won't do any anymore because my nervous system has been damaged by ayahuasca and doing more to it can make me worse

 

[Smart No More]

I remember having very challenging LSD experiences in my earlier years. That feeling like you might never come down or be normal again. That can be traumatic. It definitely took a certain toll and I didn't feel the same afterwards but I couldn't say it had the negative effect you're unfortunately experiencing. It sorted itself out relatively quickly but it did leave a certain something behind long term but I felt that may have been of some benefit even though challenging.

How soon after did you start taking the psych meds? I have to say I feel like they're pretty potentially damaging too. I mean I'm not saying they never help people but I do feel the efficacy is often in the eye of the behoder of the user, not the user themselves. How eo you dind them? Do they help at all?

Have you ever heard the term hair of the dog? It's a reference to a belief that the hair of the dog that bit you can be therapiutic. It's not scientific in the slightest. Although it does play into the way ceetain vaccines work. That's preemptive though rather than reactive. Funnily enough though, there are cases where it works symptomaticly. For example a hang over is often eased by a very small drink of alchohol. It's the last thing you want in that moment but it does bring some relief if you force it down. I'm not saying it's healthy. I'm not saying it works with everything and I'm not recommending it in your case but I am just putting it out there that you can micro dose psilocybin without ever teipping/getting high. It's something I'm considering in hope of improving symptoms of what I think are neurologic problems. I'll be a bit worried to take it even though it won't get me high in the low doses but I'm hopeful.

If you're having issues that require psych meds it's probably not a good idea for yourself but there's a theory in medicine that certain 'recreational' drugs cause neuroplasticity which stops once they stop using them. So in theory if you can promote further neuroplasticity in a healthy way you can adapt to a better mindset. Perhaps it's a good line of questioning for your psych doctor. Something that could help inform a treatmwnt plan I mean.

 

[SofterSoftest]

I used to tolerate psilocybin mushrooms really well when I was in my 20s. But the last time I had them, I had a really, really, really terrible experience emotionally and I am still affected by that event. It's not that anything explicitly 'scary' happened - the mushrooms just ended up showing me things about myself that I absolutely hated, and reinforced some of my fears about how others perceive/see me.

Sorry you're dealing with this. I think psychedelics are too often described as entirely harmless/benign, but they can be quite harmful if the person is not in the right place to experience them, the context is off, or any combination of the two.

 

[Smart No More]

Yeah mdma can do that. I tried it once and was depressed for the whole month afterwards

Depleted seratonine apparently. Gets used up in the high. I used to get horrible comedowns from amphetamines and stuff but mdma was always a mire friendly comwdown I found. Although I did use heroin for that after while and that it as the magic cure. I definitely couldn't handle the comedowns I used to experience from speed now. I think as you get older they get harder. Hits a point where the high isn't worth the comedown.

I used to tolerate psilocybin mushrooms really well when I was in my 20s. But the last time I had them, I had a really, really, really terrible experience emotionally and I am still affected by that event. It's not that anything explicitly 'scary' happened - the mushrooms just ended up showing me things about myself that I absolutely hated, and reinforced some of my fears about how others perceive/see me.

I can relate to that and it's really challenging to see yourself like that but don't you think it helps to address and fix those aspects of yourself. I think it really informed the person I became in life and I felt all the richer and better for fixing the things it helped me identify in myself. I mean I didn't want to be faced with them at the time. I just wanted to get high and hqve fun but ultimately I came out of it with more self reflection in a way I was lacking.

I guess if you're viewing yourself disproportionately to your actual misgivings then that's not gonna be healthy. Maybe that's more what you're describing.

 

[DreamEnd]

I remember having very challenging LSD experiences in my earlier years. That feeling like you might never come down or be normal again. That can be traumatic. It definitely took a certain toll and I didn't feel the same afterwards but I couldn't say it had the negative effect you're unfortunately experiencing. It sorted itself out relatively quickly but it did leave a certain something behind long term but I felt that may have been of some benefit even though challenging.

How soon after did you start taking the psych meds? I have to say I feel like they're pretty potentially damaging too. I mean I'm not saying they never help people but I do feel the efficacy is often in the eye of the behoder of the user, not the user themselves. How eo you dind them? Do they help at all?

Have you ever heard the term hair of the dog? It's a reference to a belief that the hair of the dog that bit you can be therapiutic. It's not scientific in the slightest. Although it does play into the way ceetain vaccines work. That's preemptive though rather than reactive. Funnily enough though, there are cases where it works symptomaticly. For example a hang over is often eased by a very small drink of alchohol. It's the last thing you want in that moment but it does bring some relief if you force it down. I'm not saying it's healthy. I'm not saying it works with everything and I'm not recommending it in your case but I am just putting it out there that you can micro dose psilocybin without ever teipping/getting high. It's something I'm considering in hope of improving symptoms of what I think are neurologic problems. I'll be a bit worried to take it even though it won't get me high in the low doses but I'm hopeful.

If you're having issues that require psych meds it's probably not a good idea for yourself but there's a theory in medicine that certain 'recreational' drugs cause neuroplasticity which stops once they stop using them. So in theory if you can promote further neuroplasticity in a healthy way you can adapt to a better mindset. Perhaps it's a good line of questioning for your psych doctor. Something that could help inform a treatmwnt plan I mean.

The psych meds saved my life. Yes they do have side effects but without them I wouldn't be able to sleep, eat, or even barely live. I was that messed up after ayahuasca

 

[SofterSoftest]

I can relate to that and it's really challenging to see yourself like that but don't you think it helps to address and fix those aspects of yourself. I think it really informed the person I became i. Life and I felt all the richer and better for fixing the things it helped me identify in myself. I mean I didn't want to be faced with them at the time. I just wanted to get high and hqve fun but ultimately I came out of it with more self reflection in a way I was lacking.

I guess if you're viewing yourself disproportionately to your actual misgivings then that's not gonna be healthy. Maybe that's more what you're describing.

This is a really great way to reframe what I experienced (I genuinely mean it), and I have in the past been able to use lessons given to me by psychedelics in the way that you describe. I just feel emotionally depleted at this stage in my life and too physically weak to be able to grow in the ways that I think would be required of me.

Also, the negative trip almost felt like a form of masochistic self-punishment - like I felt compelled or forced to focus on things about myself that are actually quite fixed/immutable and at the same time bring about intense feelings of disgust. If I were in a 'healthier' place in my life, maybe I'd be inclined to understand those feelings of disgust as being more about how I tend to be quite unfair/critical of myself in general, but my baseline level of distress is so high that that almost seems impossible. I hope this makes sense.

 

[Smart No More]

Makes a lot of sense. It's hard to look at yourself with such intensity and if you don't have the strength for it in the moment it kind of puts you in a weird state of flip flopping between disbelief at how terrible you feel and having to sporadically face the fact you have no choice. It's probably something a psych doc would describe as flicking between fight and flight. Though I like the theory of there being another state alongside those twom either way its a horrid way to feel and definitely capable of doing long term damage as your body's fuse burns out. Our energy is finite and once it's used up we're essentially like an animal caught in the teeth of it's prey waiting for something else to decide our fate as we no longer have the wherewithal to attend to anything but just being. Blergh. Horrible!

 

[western_heart]

Yes. I've recovered from most of my bad psychedelic experiences fairly quickly, but 7 years ago I tripped multiple nights at a festival and I didn't go back to normal after I got back home. Or maybe it shattered my interest in living a normal life, idk. I don't really know what happened at the festival, there were no physical signs of trauma, no stories from my friends (though I wandered off on my own a lot), maybe I just had a really good time. I remember hanging out with my friends right after the festival, but my life fell apart over the course of a few months to the point where I became a meth addicted shut in who went weeks without leaving her apartment.
I've never really written about what happened because I am not capable of keeping it all together.

Most psych meds made things worse for me, my problems were/are from trauma. I take some but I avoid SSRIs/antipsychotics. Healthy lifestyle & using other drugs in a better fashion to treat trauma from past drug use has helped recover from the bad effects of psychedelics.

 

[Lookingtotalk]

Ironically, psychiatric drugs are the reason i am badly injured, was fine before, i stayed away from psychadelics for that very reason, but i guess only bought me time

 

[DreamEnd]

Ironically, psychiatric drugs are the reason i am badly injured, was fine before, i stayed away from psychadelics for that very reason, but i guess only bought me time

Which ones did you take?

 

[Lookingtotalk]

Which ones did you take?

over the years, a bunch, now that you are on them just don't ever stop, it is a lifelong commit now, but mostly klonopin zyprexa and prozac, was able to get off everything and be only on prozac, exactly where i wanted to be, but i fucked up and now im stuck, it's a long story due to side effects but still pisses me off, i knew better and tried again anyway, but something bad happened and it fucked up my brain and nervous system, just stay on them forever if they do help and hope you die while still addicted/dependent on them.

 

[DreamEnd]

over the years, a bunch, now that you are on them just don't ever stop, it is a lifelong commit now, but mostly klonopin zyprexa and prozac, was able to get off everything and be only on prozac, exactly where i wanted to be, but i fucked up and now im stuck, it's a long story due to side effects but still pisses me off, i knew better and tried again anyway, but something bad happened and it fucked up my brain and nervous system, just stay on them forever if they do help and hope you die while still addicted/dependent on them.

I'm on zyprexa. Can you not get off of it?

 

[Lookingtotalk]

The longer you are on the harder it is to get off, also whatever it is stopping will come back once u stop, zyprexa is also known as weight gain 10,000 and might have other side effects everyone is different BUT if it is working for you man keep taking that shit, and don't stop it, how long you been on it

 

[DreamEnd]

The longer you are on the harder it is to get off, also whatever it is stopping will come back once u stop, zyprexa is also known as weight gain 10,000 and might have other side effects everyone is different BUT if it is working for you man keep taking that shit, and don't stop it, how long you been on it

About 6 months

 

[Lookingtotalk]

About 6 months

Is it helping? Is that the only thing you are on, if it's helping and you tolerate the side effects keep taking it obv dont abruptly stop anything, will make everything worse

Had a terrifying trip on ayahuasca and life hadn't been the same since. I am in complete ptsd from the experience and on multiple psych meds. The ceremony was over a year ago and I still haven't gotten any better. Hence why I am on SaSu

Also, i think the glorification of tripping by people/stars online is really bad, it doesnt agree with everyone and def can have consequences when you get much older, brain wise

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I used to tolerate psilocybin mushrooms really well when I was in my 20s. But the last time I had them, I had a really, really, really terrible experience emotionally and I am still affected by that event. It's not that anything explicitly 'scary' happened - the mushrooms just ended up showing me things about myself that I absolutely hated, and reinforced some of my fears about how others perceive/see me.

Sorry you're dealing with this. I think psychedelics are too often described as entirely harmless/benign, but they can be quite harmful if the person is not in the right place to experience them, the context is off, or any combination of the two.

Yeh I had similar experiences, I dunno if I ever wanna try them again. It gave me an existential crisis for about 2 months afterwards-I'd had a bereavement a couple months before so it wasn't the best time to take them. Even before that when I took them it wasn't pleasant. It makes me feel horrible about myself (even worse than I usually do) and I don't think I like being out of control (even though I never took that much) it's sad as I was so excited to try them but they just weren't what I was hoping for...I thought it'd be way more visual and colourful but all I got was horrible introspective thought loops about how useless I am. My mind was really against me on them like it was laughing at how I thought I was gonna have an amazing trip and it just turned out pretty morbid if that's the right word.

 

[SofterSoftest]

horrible introspective thought loops

I'm so sorry. I remember experiencing this very thing (you put it way better than I did). That can be a really horrible place to be in when you are on mushrooms.

 

[Worndown]

Had a terrifying trip on ayahuasca and life hadn't been the same since. I am in complete ptsd from the experience and on multiple psych meds. The ceremony was over a year ago and I still haven't gotten any better. Hence why I am on SaSu

This can easily start by thinking "this will be so cool" and end with you acting like a german shepard fir three weeks. Six paranoid months later you kinda rejoin society. I saw this happen to a friend. It was not cool.
These chemicals react differently in most people. Best to avoid them.
Reality may suck now but try it as a dog.

 

[unnoticed]

i think i've given myself some pretty serious brain damage after using (& for a while, abusing) psychedelics for the last couple years. i honestly feel so much worse off every time but i love the 12 hours of insane escapism…but soo hasn't been worth it for me. experienced total ego death once on thai shrooms — awful, horrid experience where i paced in a circle for 8 hours straight fully believing i was dead. in that way, it's kind of lessened my fear of dying, because that particular trip felt like a death experience of some kind lmfao. but yeah, i truly believe its fucked up my brain even worse and i regret trying them.

 

[Lonerzepam]

Way too much ketamine

 

[Sadboyspecimen]

I had a very bad experience one time many years ago after taking a huge rip off of a bong. My friend told me to hit it as hard as I could and I was feeling cocky at the time so I went ahead and did it. I just about cleared the entire bowl in one go. I passed it around and everything was okay for a moment. We got a second bowl started and out of nowhere I lost all control of my body. I spent the next few hours (although it felt like eternity's) slumped over in the corner of the room unable to speak or move really and everything in my vision was extremely intense. I saw colors that appeared to be wriggling around everywhere I looked. At one point everyone wanted to go down for a cigarette and I had an extremely hard time with even doing that. But I was trying super super hard to keep everything together and not make it look as if I was absolutely dying inside. Eventually my friend started packing up his things and announced that the police were called and we needed to leave. I scrambled to gather my things but was so scared and fucked up that it took me three separate trips up and down the stairs to properly remember and collect all of my stuff. But eventually I did make it out and got the hell out of there.

Now there are a few things I need to add to this story. Number 1, at the time I was experimenting pretty frequently with DXM, though I'm about 90% sure I had not taken any before this occurrence. Number two, these people were kind of sketchy friends and looking back I could totally see them putting something else in the weed such as salvia or maybe just rubbing it on their asshole before watching me smoke it just to fuck with me (yes they were that kind of shitty people) I didn't really notice anything taste wise that would indicate that, but who knows? Number three, No one else that was partaking in smoking that night ended up in the same condition that I was in. I'm almost certain that the "police getting called" was just a lie to get me to leave since I was practically dead anyway and was not very fun to be around at the time.

I did not feel right for a very very long time after this. Something about life was off. Even weeks after this experience. It was almost as if I was not actually alive and in control of my own body, but rather was watching a movie from a first person perspective. I also felt on occasion that every new field of vision I saw was a whole new life. Weird right? Like if I was looking one direction and then turned to the right all of the sudden I was in a different parallel universe. I felt so scared all the time that I had given myself brain damage and hopeless that things would ever be the same. I just always tried to keep my cool though. And though maybe it was stupid, I took on this mentally of "well I already fucked myself up so what the hell. I'm probably just over thinking anyway" and I continued to smoke weed, but I quit fucking with dex because I thought that was mostly what had to do with it. A few years later things kinda got better. I began to realize that the more I obsessed over it the worse it felt. I did acid and felt so free of all of my worries that I completely forgot that this was ever a concern of mine. Life resumed. I met some friends. A few years after my first acid trip though I started tripping again. On a lot of stuff. Acid, mushrooms, mescaline. I did acid almost weekly for a month or so. And a few months after my last acid trip I began to feel out of place again. I was dealing with heartbreak for a girl I dumped a year prior. I began to feel like everything was just a set up. A phony lie to expose me for reasons I'm still not aware of. I began to see circles in my field of vision and became scared yet again that I had some kind of hppd. But again I tried to remain cool on the outside though I was screaming inside my head. I ultimately ended up going for a road trip. I took off and ended up in Roswell new Mexico where I got a job working at an airplane painting shop. Life got good again. I began to realize yet again that I was overthinking about all of these terrible feelings I was having. I eventually came back to my home state and got a job working at a utility company where I became a lead technician and made pretty good money. Unfortunately I also had quite a drinking habit at the time and was fired a year later after getting a dwi. Today I do not feel the way I did on either of these occasions. But I do feel embarrassed about the way my strange behavior must have looked from an outside perspective. My family thinks very low of me and probably doesn't expect my life to go anywhere. And that feeling alone may just bring me to suicide.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

Yep. Had a few terrible times on salvia. Was getting shaken and yelled at by my ex while I was tripping. Wasnt fun. Stay off drugs if they dont agree with you.

 

[Lookingtotalk]

I had a very bad experience one time many years ago after taking a huge rip off of a bong. My friend told me to hit it as hard as I could and I was feeling cocky at the time so I went ahead and did it. I just about cleared the entire bowl in one go. I passed it around and everything was okay for a moment. We got a second bowl started and out of nowhere I lost all control of my body. I spent the next few hours (although it felt like eternity's) slumped over in the corner of the room unable to speak or move really and everything in my vision was extremely intense. I saw colors that appeared to be wriggling around everywhere I looked. At one point everyone wanted to go down for a cigarette and I had an extremely hard time with even doing that. But I was trying super super hard to keep everything together and not make it look as if I was absolutely dying inside. Eventually my friend started packing up his things and announced that the police were called and we needed to leave. I scrambled to gather my things but was so scared and fucked up that it took me three separate trips up and down the stairs to properly remember and collect all of my stuff. But eventually I did make it out and got the hell out of there.

Now there are a few things I need to add to this story. Number 1, at the time I was experimenting pretty frequently with DXM, though I'm about 90% sure I had not taken any before this occurrence. Number two, these people were kind of sketchy friends and looking back I could totally see them putting something else in the weed such as salvia or maybe just rubbing it on their asshole before watching me smoke it just to fuck with me (yes they were that kind of shitty people) I didn't really notice anything taste wise that would indicate that, but who knows? Number three, No one else that was partaking in smoking that night ended up in the same condition that I was in. I'm almost certain that the "police getting called" was just a lie to get me to leave since I was practically dead anyway and was not very fun to be around at the time.

I did not feel right for a very very long time after this. Something about life was off. Even weeks after this experience. It was almost as if I was not actually alive and in control of my own body, but rather was watching a movie from a first person perspective. I also felt on occasion that every new field of vision I saw was a whole new life. Weird right? Like if I was looking one direction and then turned to the right all of the sudden I was in a different parallel universe. I felt so scared all the time that I had given myself brain damage and hopeless that things would ever be the same. I just always tried to keep my cool though. And though maybe it was stupid, I took on this mentally of "well I already fucked myself up so what the hell. I'm probably just over thinking anyway" and I continued to smoke weed, but I quit fucking with dex because I thought that was mostly what had to do with it. A few years later things kinda got better. I began to realize that the more I obsessed over it the worse it felt. I did acid and felt so free of all of my worries that I completely forgot that this was ever a concern of mine. Life resumed. I met some friends. A few years after my first acid trip though I started tripping again. On a lot of stuff. Acid, mushrooms, mescaline. I did acid almost weekly for a month or so. And a few months after my last acid trip I began to feel out of place again. I was dealing with heartbreak for a girl I dumped a year prior. I began to feel like everything was just a set up. A phony lie to expose me for reasons I'm still not aware of. I began to see circles in my field of vision and became scared yet again that I had some kind of hppd. But again I tried to remain cool on the outside though I was screaming inside my head. I ultimately ended up going for a road trip. I took off and ended up in Roswell new Mexico where I got a job working at an airplane painting shop. Life got good again. I began to realize yet again that I was overthinking about all of these terrible feelings I was having. I eventually came back to my home state and got a job working at a utility company where I became a lead technician and made pretty good money. Unfortunately I also had quite a drinking habit at the time and was fired a year later after getting a dwi. Today I do not feel the way I did on either of these occasions. But I do feel embarrassed about the way my strange behavior must have looked from an outside perspective. My family thinks very low of me and probably doesn't expect my life to go anywhere. And that feeling alone may just bring me to suicide.

Yeah, weed is weird, it really does not agree with some people, i was fine smoking weed like the first year i did it, then the second year i started to get what i essentialy realized later on were panic attacks, but they were 3x since i was on weed, so i stopped weed. I am totally not the only person in my friends group who stopped weed cause of this, people really downplay that weed at its core, THC and all the cannabinoids, are psychdelic, it just for me at least took a higher dose and boy did it freak me out, stopping it was the best thing i ever did.

BTW what you are describing is DP/DR, happens to a lot of people after a bad weed episode, it usually slowly wears off, mine took like 2 years to go away fully, but it did go away. and i was DONE with weed

 

[MessedUp.]

Last trip with lsd in december '21 went very wrong, i did it with my housemate and we were tripping for 24 hours of which 20 hours a bad trip, we where in a loop and thought we wouldnt get out of it, we also visited the a&e that day bc or breathing/heartrate was weird but ofc they couldnt help us and we had to sit the trip out, they gave us some meds to calm down a bit

But since then i have the feeling it triggered some psychotic activitys, like sometimes i see paterns or seeing things move (related to the things i saw when i was tripping) and it never went away and it is now 8 months later,

Btw do you guys think i have to say that to my psychiatrist? Like i never told her bc i think she will not believe me but idk
Last trip with lsd in december '21 went very wrong, i did it with my housemate and we were tripping for 24 hours of which 20 hours a bad trip, we where in a loop and thought we wouldnt get out of it, we also visited the a&e that day bc or breathing/heartrate was weird but ofc they couldnt help us and we had to sit the trip out, they gave us some meds to calm down a bit

But since then i have the feeling it triggered some psychotic activitys, like sometimes i see paterns or seeing things move (related to the things i saw when i was tripping) and it never went away and it is now 8 months later,

Btw do you guys think i have to say that to my psychiatrist? Like i never told her bc i think she will not believe me but idk

 

[DreamSurfer]

I am a psychonaut myself. I have had some very deep trips in my past on psilocybin. I have fell short of reaching what people call ego death that in itself seems to have major impacts on people for the rest of their lives.

I did extreme research and trip report studies before my trips. One thing that I deeply stress to people prior to shroom trips is mental preparation. The scary thing about shrooms atleast, is that the things you're currently battling mentally, can manifest into your trips. I was battling one thing and didn't think much of of it and during an 8 hour trip, had a terrifying experience. But I was somehow able to relay to myself that I have to just let these visions show me what they need to, and it will be over at some point.

The people around you, what they are doing, their energy and vibes all play a factor too. I could never go to some party with random ass people and take a journey. That is too much, with too many variables.

On a side note, I learned about microdosing being tested in mental health. In the meantime while the research is done, I am currently cycling on and off of small doses of psilocybin. It actually has helped with my depression and BPD in ways that no other ssri ever has.

Long story short, if you haven't tried psychedelics and go from zero experience or knowledge, straight into a heroic dose(very high dose), it can break you. Ayuhuasca trips with a shaman guide appear to take you straight to an extreme. I recommend people go to Erowid.com and read trip reports on drugs first to get an understanding on what you're getting yourself into. Shroom trips have changed my life for the better, as far as opening my mind goes. I know that some people just mess with these things for fun, but they are no joke.