Discussion Anyone else got Boomer/Gen X cusper parents

[tonyspitstain]

I feel like I got the wrong end of the wishbone being Gen Z with Boomer/Gen X cusper parents lmao.
They have the narcissism of the Boomers mixed with the cynicism of Gen X which has actually caused complete chaos in my life.
I dealt with a few minor health problems as a tween/teen, my mom constantly dismissed my discomfort because she actually can't understand or empathize with people who have conditions that she doesn't have. Like... on the most minor end of the spectrum, if I experienced period cramps I would be told I am faking it because she never dealt with that.
After my conditions left permanent damage to my body/I had enough of being in discomfort, I confided in her as an adult. I was crying trying to explain to her I've been in discomfort for years and I need help to get care. She would just stare into my face and be like, "...so? Everyone deals with that. I don't know why you have to make such a big deal over something everyone experiences." There's the cynicism!!
People with millennial parents are lowkey lucky from my perspective because they at least seem more human than boomers/gen x even if they are kind of dumb and sensitive.

Thoughts?? How do your parents ages affect your relationship?


Also in case you were wondering I ended up seeking treatment when I turned 18 (it was too late for some stuff which is why I want to exit asap) and my doctors have all told me I am on the severe end for what I deal with. I had multiple fractures in my nose, I developed severe rosacea bc of chronic inflammation from untreated cystic acne, I have a few deep acne scars, I had a crossbite, I had hyperhidrosis which needs to be treated with botox and nothing else works I love being my mother's daughter!

 

[Le_Dauphin]

I happen to have a satanic mother who is a boomer. The hardest part of this conflict, (even though I'm not a generation Z, but a millennial) is the fact that, when boomers are bad parents, it's usually in the sense that they just want you to be as miserable as they were in life. I try to say that my mother postpones in years, decades my advancement in life with her mental/psychological abuse, that this is one of the main reasons why I'm stuck in life, poor and dependent on her, but she just brushes it off, saying that if I truly wanted, I'd figure out a way to do everything inspite of any circumstance, she says that her life was excruciatingly hard, that she never got a degree in her life, that she only graduated from high school in her 50's, so I shouldn't be whining because I'm an unemployed loser with no degree by my late 30's. She just says that if people truly want something, they just go and get it, whatever it is. All that while she actively tries to induce me to suicide, in order to leave her possessions solely to my sister, when she dies. My sister who, unlike me, happens to be her biological daughter.

 

[tonyspitstain]

I happen to have a satanic mother who is a boomer. The hardest part of this conflict, even (though I'm not a generation Z, but a millennial) is the fact that, when boomers are bad parents, it's usually in the sense that they just want you to be as miserable as they were in life.

That's a good point, I def feel like my mother tries to drag me down with her. Example: My mother strongly discouraged me from pursuing hobbies/activities that cost money because when she was growing up, they had no money and she had to stay home and take care of her siblings. So therefore I don't deserve to have money spent on my interests because her parents didn't do that, and she "turned out fine."
Also my parents are immigrants, neither from the same country. Made no effort to teach me their languages. Are confused when I don't know how to speak their language because if I really wanted to learn then I would be fluent, somehow I don't know how they come to these insane conclusions. I dream of having a kind mom

 

[AuroraB]

Anyone, any age, any generation, any race, any religion or no religion, of any political ideology from far left to far right (etc), high school drop out or PhD, any career, super rich to super poor, from any part of the planet can be complete assholes or selfish brats who have no idea to parent. I'm sorry yours sucked.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

People with millennial parents are lowkey lucky from my perspective because they at least seem more human than boomers/gen x even if they are kind of dumb and sensitive.

Yeah, I feel like you can't make this out to just be a generational thing. A friend I had when I was younger had boomer parents and they were very nice to her growing up. Meanwhile, I've met plenty of abusive millennial parents. Once, when I was younger, my mom's friend's daughter confided to me that her mother would beat her if she came home with any cuts on her. She would specifically hit her right where her cuts were. My mom is an older millennial and I'm pretty sure her friend was as well. My ex-stepmother is a millennial and I've watched her throw my brother to the ground right before attacking my mom around a decade ago. She also screamed and verbally lashed out at me when she found out that I was going to tell the court about it (I was never called on though, thankfully).

That's not getting into all those family YouTube and TikTok channels run by millennials and the many cases of the parents getting exposed for child abuse and neglect.

 

[whitetaildeer]

i do! my father is agnostic (teetering on non-denominational christian?) and technically gen x, mother was wiccan and also technically gen x. made for some interesting disagreements.

i can vouch for gen x parents wanting you to just trudge through any/every problem, especially where mental health is concerned. support from them is flippant; either they're kind (while still expecting you to just "get better, since you're the only one who can choose that for yourself"), or they'll look at you like you're ridiculous for even thinking/feeling how you feel. at absolute worst, they'll scream at you for your problems and punish you in any way that they can for it. i stopped confiding in them looong ago.

expectations from them are also based in their own insecurities, i think. my mother really wanted me to go to an ivy league school and succeed, because she was a dropout herself. any and all failings from you are also perceived as their own failings, and that typically results in (very harsh) discipline. overall, very ego-driven parenting (not that parenting has ever been based on science, as far as i am aware).

Also in case you were wondering I ended up seeking treatment when I turned 18 (it was too late for some stuff which is why I want to exit asap) and my doctors have all told me I am on the severe end for what I deal with. I had multiple fractures in my nose, I developed severe rosacea bc of chronic inflammation from untreated cystic acne, I have a few deep acne scars, I had a crossbite, I had hyperhidrosis which needs to be treated with botox and nothing else works I love being my mother's daughter!

is medical neglect a common thing with gen x parents? because i've had similar problems, and it's also resulted in health problems that could've been avoided long ago spiraling into something much worse.

 

[F@#$]

Anyone, any age, any generation, any race, any religion or no religion, of any political ideology from far left to far right (etc), high school drop out or PhD, any career, super rich to super poor, from any part of the planet can be complete assholes or selfish brats who have no idea to parent. I'm sorry yours sucked.

I was going to say something similar. I'm old(genx) my parents sucked too. My mom was some super controlling jesus freak( church at least 3 times a week). My dad was a construction worker/ drug dealer who hung out with a bunch of old school '70 biker guys. Me and my sister were "punished" with wooden spoons,hairbrushs,the belt,5 across the eyes my dad would make paddles in his shop. And there was soap for filthy mouths.
Anyway

 

[tonyspitstain]

i can vouch for gen x parents wanting you to just trudge through any/every problem, especially where mental health is concerned. support from them is flippant; either they're kind (while still expecting you to just "get better, since you're the only one who can choose that for yourself"), or they'll look at you like you're ridiculous for even thinking/feeling how you feel. at absolute worst, they'll scream at you for your problems and punish you in any way that they can for it. i stopped confiding in them looong ago.

Yeah this sucked for me, too. My mom is so susceptible to conspiracy theory/FB ideology and I don't know what historic event happened in her lifetime that made her demonize mental health care/psychiatry but whenever I suggested that, she would say that those drugs are mind altering hahha, and why does anyone in this generation need therapy because they've never been through war.
Lol also what is it with this generation and constantly talking about war and how we have it "so easy" because we haven't experienced it. That was a common theme in my household.

 

[whitetaildeer]

Yeah this sucked for me, too. My mom is so susceptible to conspiracy theory/FB ideology and I don't know what historic event happened in her lifetime that made her demonize mental health care/psychiatry but whenever I suggested that, she would say that those drugs are mind altering hahha, and why does anyone in this generation need therapy because they've never been through war.
Lol also what is it with this generation and constantly talking about war and how we have it "so easy" because we haven't experienced it. That was a common theme in my household.

these parents must be mass produced in factories, because my father is the same. except instead of facebook, it's very alt-right websites/forums that are either difficult to find, or not even on the clear net. even fox news is "liberal" to him.

as a side note, because i forgot to mention it before, i'm so sorry your health has plummeted the way it has. you never once deserved to be neglected like that, and then suffer the consequences for someone else's failings. it really sickens me how dismissive parents can be, all because their own child's problems aren't their own.

 

[tonyspitstain]

these parents must be mass produced in factories, because my father is the same. except instead of facebook, it's very alt-right websites/forums that are either difficult to find, or not even on the clear net. even fox news is "liberal" to him.

as a side note, because i forgot to mention it before, i'm so sorry your health has plummeted the way it has. you never once deserved to be neglected like that, and then suffer the consequences for someone else's failings. it really sickens me how dismissive parents can be, all because their own child's problems aren't their own.

It's quite exhausting -- most of my friends' parents were significantly younger than mine so I was wondering if it was a generational thing, but perhaps it's just that we were born to people with defective personalities and zero coping techniques. Does your dad yell at the TV bc my mom def does. She loves to pick fights with people and repeat the same baseless facts, it is embarrassing.

And thank you, yeah it's been so hard and costly since I turned 18 trying to navigate medical treatments and procedures on my own. I don't know how to live with knowing that the person who was in charge of caring for me ruined my health and my face, I'd honestly rather not live at all it's hard to go out into the world and act normal when you were raised in chaos.

 

[AuroraB]

I was going to say something similar. I'm old(genx) my parents sucked too. My mom was some super controlling jesus freak( church at least 3 times a week). My dad was a construction worker/ drug dealer who hung out with a bunch of old school '70 biker guys. Me and my sister were "punished" with wooden spoons,hairbrushs,the belt,5 across the eyes my dad would make paddles in his shop. And there was soap for filthy mouths.
Anyway

That's horrific. My parents divorced when I was very young. My mom was bipolar, borderline, violent and very successful in her career so she was always stressed and unpredictable. She ended up CTB when she was 50. My dad was totally mellow, passive, had multiple wives, always happy-go-lucky and not much of a parent and died of Alz at 86. I'm so sorry you were so hurt. My mom hurt me A LOT but I forgave her after she CTB.

 

[whitetaildeer]

It's quite exhausting -- most of my friends' parents were significantly younger than mine so I was wondering if it was a generational thing, but perhaps it's just that we were born to people with defective personalities and zero coping techniques. Does your dad yell at the TV bc my mom def does. She loves to pick fights with people and repeat the same baseless facts, it is embarrassing.

And thank you, yeah it's been so hard and costly since I turned 18 trying to navigate medical treatments and procedures on my own. I don't know how to live with knowing that the person who was in charge of caring for me ruined my health and my face, I'd honestly rather not live at all it's hard to go out into the world and act normal when you were raised in chaos.

oh, absolutely. very seldomly, but it happens. i'll be on the cusp of falling asleep, or i'll be really invested in something... and then my dad will randomly yell. as for fights, my dad seems to simultaneously know every single alt-right argument, even the most obscure, and also only give those aforementioned baseless facts. except he's somehow able to find a source (of obviously questionable legitimacy) for every. single. one.

as for the shame of living with a ruined face... i'm truly shocked at how similar of a life we have. i'm an ex-bulimic (have been dealing with it ever since i was a teenager), and my teeth are so fucked. neither of my parents cared enough to help me when they could, but they cared just enough to berate me and shame me for it. the procedures to fix these things are so horribly expensive in the united states, too. if you live there and are still trying to get treatment, hopefully insurance will cover the costs (maybe they'll be more lenient than normal, considering Recent Events).

 

[Pluto]

 

[rotten]

This is so awful. I'm sorry you struggle so much with your health now because of your mom. It's like that one saying "All children deserve good parents, not all parents deserve children." I don't understand how anyone could be so nonchalant when a child is suffering so much. Parents should still be concerned even if their kid is grown and over 18.

Ugh… I actually find myself gaslighting myself over pain and feeling sick because that's what my parents do to me. One time they had me move heavy furniture and I hurt my back. Their first reactions…"you don't know what real back pain is", "stop being lazy you just don't want to help me anymore". When I had an attempt at school they told the counselors I was just being a spoiled brat and they refused to get me any kind of help. I was clearly in crisis because I was covered in SH cuts and was 8 months off when asked what the date was (and yes I truly believed it was the correct date).