Anyone else given up all responsibilities

[rabbithole]

after deciding on suicide and now you cannot possibly clean up the mess that is your life - even if you wanted to?

I stopped responding to my prescriber, stopped talking to my sisters, stopped talking in general, have no job (because I'm disabled now, but haven't applied for disability), drivers license expired in July.

I don't know. I just planned on being dead months ago.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I only really have 1 responsibility and that's university. If I knew I could definitely be brave enough to ctb and that it would 100% succeed, I'd stop going. But because I'm scared of failing and having to face life I feel like I can't afford to take the risk, I'd end up in an even darker place with even more pain to contend with.

 

[death137]

Yes. I've lived majority of the past 4 years as if I'm going to ctb tomorrow. I've thrown away my life.

 

[yive]

I don't know. I just planned on being dead months ago.

me too. i live like a hermit, extremely alienated, lonely and hating the whole world, like an evil old man, although i'm young! :(
2021... it's time to end this stupid joke!

 

[ihavetoleave]

Yes I've stopped everything, no job, no paying bills (no money from no job), I have ruined my life. I ruined it before I realized I had to CTB. I lost it at the beginning of the year and could not get out of bed and things progressed from there. I quit doing drugs and vaping too yet this did not seem to make my life better, my mind is completely unable to function in the real world apparently. I'm hanging on to the side of a cliff basically.

 

[Kassender]

Totally, just like you say.

I've have started to take anti-depressants, and honestly i don't feel so down since a few days,
but the damage is done, and i see absolutely no point in even getting up in the morning.
It made me reduce smoking and booze, so there's that, but i still feel like there is no point in even trying.

Even now, my date was in august (!) and yet, i have done nothing to even try to get back on track.
Because i already have so many times, i even thought i was going to do something with myself 2 years ago, but i always just fail miserably.
I'm technically disabled too (adhd), so i know i WILL fail no matter what.
And even if i didn't the damage is done, and i know what awaits me in the future.

I completely stopped functioning. I just watch tv shows or sleep.
Sometimes i do music or cg, but i can't get over the fact that i suck at everything after all those years.
I don't want to see anyone. I don't answer the phone anymore either.

I just exist. The worse is i hate it, but whatever i do, i end up in the same place.

 

[death137]

I only really have 1 responsibility and that's university. If I knew I could definitely be brave enough to ctb and that it would 100% succeed, I'd stop going. But because I'm scared of failing and having to face life I feel like I can't afford to take the risk, I'd end up in an even darker place with even more pain to contend with.

I did the opposite and here I'm in an embarrassing situation. When I quit university many times I really thought I was going to die very soon but here I'm still breathing. I've social anxiety so going to university was very difficult for me but I should have been brave and ctb before my sufferings got a lot worse.

 

[Lotus]

I can really relate to this. I'm just slowly getting back on my feet after a long time of watching myself not being able to keep up with my responsibilities. I'm doing just enough to keep track with uni, work and paying bills. But I wasn't able to do that for a year or more. However, I'm not taking care of myself or the place I live. I want to do it, but I just can't. I feel stuck, and so overwhelmed. I don't know what I can do to get out of this.

 

[Daveyjones]

I only fake my responsibilities so others think I'm not over the edge. But this year has shown me it's time to ctb. Stuck in a dead end job with no goals or desires ahead of me. Can't pay my bills, can't eat(not that I would with all the pain lately.) Loss of my sister, loss of other family/and pretty much all my friends, recently had what I believe to be a heart attack but doctors disregarded it and did no testing and told me it was a weed overdose, I only took 20mgs of edibles like wtf..... and still have chest pains but even my doctor refuses to check it saying its just stress. My partner hasn't considered us in a relationship for quite some time and is actively trying to date behind my back and doesn't know I know, I've also given her several outs cause I honestly just want her to find happiness and find someone who will treat her as good as I have. But I haven't been the best but neither has she so... and I would like her to be gone before I ctb I don't want her to think she was the cause.

I've been trying to focus on the future and try to find myself but it leads back to the same road I was at years ago and I just feel the same way. Just wish we could all find peace and happiness.

 

[stygal]

I work but that's about it.
I stopped being social, taking care of my flat and if I had no work I wouldn't take care of myself either.
I also have no hobbies besides media and sleeping.
Very interesting indeed.
But since it's only going to be a few more months for me - it's the best the world gets from me.

I only fake my responsibilities so others think I'm not over the edge. But this year has shown me it's time to ctb. Stuck in a dead end job with no goals or desires ahead of me.

Yes, this is also true for me: Whenever someone wants something from me I still play pretend as to not alarm them.

 

[newave3]

Aint got nothing going on but the rent

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

I have had that "zero responsibility" mindset since 2014. That year I almost dropped out of high school, didn't apply for college, isolated myself from friends, and started living on a day to day basis. Everything went to shlt and I let it all go.

50% of my problems right now are the results of that mindset. Zero responsibility is a huge relief, but years go by with that mindset, and ive witnessed myself deteriorate in everyway beyond my worst expectation.

So yes, i hear you... I don't know what to say, but it's now 2021, and I've been living day to day for almost 8 years. I hope this is the year. I hope none of you will ever see yourself deteriorate and lose the nice little things about yourself, even if you're planning on ctb.

 

[IWantToSleep]

No, even though I barely get anything productive done, I try my best because if I can't manage to go through with it I can't stagnate in life and have nothing to show for it. Suicide for me so far has been an idea or fantasy, I've never attempted so I atleast want my life to improve in case it doesn't happen.