anyone else feel "vacant"

[nothingnobody]

i dont like anything, dont desire to do anything, dont want to learn anything, dont desire creating anything, dont desire socializing, barely desire eating, have no real opinions or beliefs, and cant see the point to doing anything. when i talk to another human being it feels false and i feel like a part of myself has been lost.

i feel like an alien wearing human skin.

 

[KILLING_POSSUM]

That feeling could be either dissociation or depersonalization, or a mix of both which sucks even more. I feel like that pretty often and so I know how much it sucks to go through that. I only hope it's not a constant or common feeling for you. Everything you stated is how I feel, as well as I'm assuming very many others that are on this forum. I'm sorry you and anybody else has to deal with that feeling, it's something I personally would never wish upon even my greatest enemy.

Another feeling often associated with dissociation and depersonalization is derealization which is another possibility of what you could be experiencing, have experienced or will experience, which I hope you're not, haven't and never will as in my personal opinion is much worse than either of the other two. Although I doubt that's what you are experiencing as what you've said mostly hints towards depersonalization, but it still could be a possibility as the two are very closely related and have very similar symptoms. It's hard to tell apart at times, especially when you're experiencing one or the other, or even both.

I wish the best of luck to you and hope that your life begins to take a quick turn to the happier and more hopeful side of life.

 

[nothingnobody]

That feeling could be either dissociation or depersonalization, or a mix of both which sucks even more. I feel like that pretty often and so I know how much it sucks to go through that. I only hope it's not a constant or common feeling for you. Everything you stated is how I feel, as well as I'm assuming very many others that are on this forum. I'm sorry you and anybody else has to deal with that feeling, it's something I personally would never wish upon even my greatest enemy.

Another feeling often associated with dissociation and depersonalization is derealization which is another possibility of what you could be experiencing, have experienced or will experience, which I hope you're not, haven't and never will as in my personal opinion is much worse than either of the other two. Although I doubt that's what you are experiencing as what you've said mostly hints towards depersonalization, but it still could be a possibility as the two are very closely related and have very similar symptoms. It's hard to tell apart at times, especially when you're experiencing one or the other, or even both.

I wish the best of luck to you and hope that your life begins to take a quick turn to the happier and more hopeful side of life.

i cant seem to understand, get, or even enjoy things like normal people. i cant feed myself, i cant talk to people about anything, i just cant do anything and i dont understand. i dont understand anything about being alive i dont understand why people do the things they do. i dont get it. i dont understand how the richest person in the world with the most relationships could ever be happy, i dont see the point of it all. you have all of these friends and all this money and then what? it looks like the only reason people do things is avoidance of pain. the fact that someone can relate to me makes it even worse, i hate that im just a clone replication machine and that none of my thoughts or emotions will ever not be just a replica. its been like this for as long as i can remember.

 

[theslasher]

A few days back I was doing some errands in the house while listening to music and then Andromeda by Ghostmane started playing. And all I could think was how I felt the same as he felt. I really didn't want to do anything at all. Maybe just pure laziness, maybe I didn't get enough sleep, maybe I didn't drink enough water, maybe I haven't been eating enough so my energy was low. But it's like there was a voice in the back of my head convincing me to just do nothing. But I realized, just because a thought comes up in my mind doesn't mean I am forced to validate it or take it seriously. And then I just continued on with my errands around the house. And those thoughts went away. Maybe it wasn't as bad in my case, but still.


Also, I am curious.. if you truly don't desire anything, then what do you do with your free time? Do you play video games? Do you have any habits that spike your dopamine receptors? Because if you overload your dopamine receptors too often then they will become damaged and naturally you'll become less motivated. That's just a thought though I'm kinda shooting in the dark, but whenever I'm unmotivated it's because I indulge in bad habits that give me instant gratification and I overload my dopamine receptors. So if you're possibly doing that (which many people do) then I'd recommend limiting those types of things if not cutting it out completely.

i dont see the point of it all. you have all of these friends and all this money and then what? it looks like the only reason people do things is avoidance of pain.

As someone who's atheist I literally don't see any point in anything, not even life it's self. I'm essentially a nihilist. But it doesn't mean I won't live a meaningful life. Life is bizzare, the chances of us being born is 1 in 1 trillion. We are not spawned into this world with a meaning or a mission, it's sort of up to us to find and/or create meaning in our lives.

Back in high school when I used to run cross country, I'd dream of holding that medal after the race. Or holding up the trophy at the end of the season. But too many people fall victim to the mindset of "I'll only be happy once I reach this spot in life" which is a terrible way to think. People who think that way always push the finish line further away acting like they do not deserve happiness until they cross a certain finish line. But the reality is, there will always be another race, another finish line. It's not about crossing the finish line, or finding happiness once you have that medal. It's about waking up at 5:30am to do hill repeats with the buddies, or running after school in the hot sun doing 6 miles... Looking back, I've made some amazing memories not just while holding the medal or crossing the finish line, but while training with my teammates. Now I continue that way of thinking in my entrepreneurship journey. One of the entrepreneurs I look up to, Alex Hormozi, literally retired with more money than he'd ever need at a pretty young age. But life got incredibly boring very fast. And that's when he realized that it's not about the finish line, it's about the journey. And that's why he continues to do business even though he doesn't need to, because much like cross country and track was a game for me, business is a game for him.

You say, "the only reason people do things is for the avoidance of pain" and I recognize that Sigmund Freud said that as well. You've said many things and I can understand why you say them, but I genuinely think you're thinking too much and also thinking about it the wrong way. You see, pain is simply a part of life. That will never change. A life without pain at all, quickly becomes meaningless. A life where one attempts to avoid pain completely, is a life where one removes their ability to prosper. Those who truly prosper in life choose their pain. Us humans have the choice. When I go to workout, yes there is a certain level of uncomfortability, maybe even "pain", but I'm choosing short term pain which rewards long term happiness. Because when I step onto the course, onto the track, I know that my teammates can count on me, and I show up confident that I worked harder than any other competitors. That's why I don't complain when I train because I know my competition isn't working as hard. While other teammates complained about hill training, I looked at the hills with a smile. I know that this short term "pain" will only make my life easier in the future. So instead of having the viewpoint that "humans are meant to avoid pain" that's an over generalized way to look at it. Do things that are harder in the short term and your life will become better in the longterm.

Also just a thought, but if you watched a movie and the character had no character arc, no pain, no struggles, they're just automatically the strongest and don't need to train at all, the movies just starts at the climax and then ends, that movie would be terrible lol.

 

[nothingnobody]

A few days back I was doing some errands in the house while listening to music and then Andromeda by Ghostmane started playing. And all I could think was how I felt the same as he felt. I really didn't want to do anything at all. Maybe just pure laziness, maybe I didn't get enough sleep, maybe I didn't drink enough water, maybe I haven't been eating enough so my energy was low. But it's like there was a voice in the back of my head convincing me to just do nothing. But I realized, just because a thought comes up in my mind doesn't mean I am forced to validate it or take it seriously. And then I just continued on with my errands around the house. And those thoughts went away. Maybe it wasn't as bad in my case, but still.


Also, I am curious.. if you truly don't desire anything, then what do you do with your free time? Do you play video games? Do you have any habits that spike your dopamine receptors? Because if you overload your dopamine receptors too often then they will become damaged and naturally you'll become less motivated. That's just a thought though I'm kinda shooting in the dark, but whenever I'm unmotivated it's because I indulge in bad habits that give me instant gratification and I overload my dopamine receptors. So if you're possibly doing that (which many people do) then I'd recommend limiting those types of things if not cutting it out completely.

As someone who's atheist I literally don't see any point in anything, not even life it's self. I'm essentially a nihilist. But it doesn't mean I won't live a meaningful life. Life is bizzare, the chances of us being born is 1 in 1 trillion. We are not spawned into this world with a meaning or a mission, it's sort of up to us to find and/or create meaning in our lives.

Back in high school when I used to run cross country, I'd dream of holding that medal after the race. Or holding up the trophy at the end of the season. But too many people fall victim to the mindset of "I'll only be happy once I reach this spot in life" which is a terrible way to think. People who think that way always push the finish line further away acting like they do not deserve happiness until they cross a certain finish line. But the reality is, there will always be another race, another finish line. It's not about crossing the finish line, or finding happiness once you have that medal. It's about waking up at 5:30am to do hill repeats with the buddies, or running after school in the hot sun doing 6 miles... Looking back, I've made some amazing memories not just while holding the medal or crossing the finish line, but while training with my teammates. Now I continue that way of thinking in my entrepreneurship journey. One of the entrepreneurs I look up to, Alex Hormozi, literally retired with more money than he'd ever need at a pretty young age. But life got incredibly boring very fast. And that's when he realized that it's not about the finish line, it's about the journey. And that's why he continues to do business even though he doesn't need to, because much like cross country and track was a game for me, business is a game for him.

You say, "the only reason people do things is for the avoidance of pain" and I recognize that Sigmund Freud said that as well. You've said many things and I can understand why you say them, but I genuinely think you're thinking too much and also thinking about it the wrong way. You see, pain is simply a part of life. That will never change. A life without pain at all, quickly becomes meaningless. A life where one attempts to avoid pain completely, is a life where one removes their ability to prosper. Those who truly prosper in life choose their pain. Us humans have the choice. When I go to workout, yes there is a certain level of uncomfortability, maybe even "pain", but I'm choosing short term pain which rewards long term happiness. Because when I step onto the course, onto the track, I know that my teammates can count on me, and I show up confident that I worked harder than any other competitors. That's why I don't complain when I train because I know my competition isn't working as hard. While other teammates complained about hill training, I looked at the hills with a smile. I know that this short term "pain" will only make my life easier in the future. So instead of having the viewpoint that "humans are meant to avoid pain" that's an over generalized way to look at it. Do things that are harder in the short term and your life will become better in the longterm.

Also just a though, but if you watched a movie and the character had no character arc, it just started at the climax and ended, that movie would be terrible lol.

im not saying that pain is bad or good, im pretty indifferent to it as well as pleasure. i dont really do much with my free time, its all really the same to me. just a series of games and dances that i cant find a reason to play. killing yourself is also believing in something and taking action, so i cant really do that either. im not really interested in playing all of these silly games that life offers, ive never really done anything other than sit in my room. i cant be bothered to make a goal for the purpose of simply making a goal. all we are doing is filling time and stacking rocks on top of eachother just so we can unstack them all over again. we were never meant to do anything other than harvest plants and hunt animals and we cant overcome our instincts to hoard and collect, thats what it all really is. but i even cant really see a point to eat other than to avoid pain. its really hard to actually communicate how pointless everything seems since im already not a very smart or educated person (dropped out in the 7th grade and havent really been outside since then). there are millions and millions of humans on this planet doing the exact same things as me, even more efficiently (not that it matters) just to continue the cycle over and over again for no reason at all other than to continue it. i guess i do desire to break past nothingness but i dont really think there is anything past it. im also not a nihilist because that would also require you to put some sort of meaning towards something. im just waiting for the bus.

 

[theslasher]

im not saying that pain is bad or good, im pretty indifferent to it as well as pleasure. i dont really do much with my free time, its all really the same to me. just a series of games and dances that i cant find a reason to play. killing yourself is also believing in something and taking action, so i cant really do that either. im not really interested in playing all of these silly games that life offers, ive never really done anything other than sit in my room. i cant be bothered to make a goal for the purpose of simply making a goal. all we are doing is filling time and stacking rocks on top of eachother just so we can unstack them all over again. we were never meant to do anything other than harvest plants and hunt animals and we cant overcome our instincts to hoard and collect, thats what it all really is. but i even cant really see a point to eat other than to avoid pain. its really hard to actually communicate how pointless everything seems since im already not a very smart or educated person (dropped out in the 7th grade and havent really been outside since then). there are millions and millions of humans on this planet doing the exact same things as me, even more efficiently (not that it matters) just to continue the cycle over and over again for no reason at all other than to continue it. i guess i do desire to break past nothingness but i dont really think there is anything past it. im also not a nihilist because that would also require you to put some sort of meaning towards something. im just waiting for the bus.

Well that is your decision, not mine. I guess you're right in some ways. In fact there's a lot about this world I don't like personally. I look around and see lot's of miserable people. Just getting by, just to get by. No other reason than that, just to survive. Just because that's what everyone else is doing. They go to school and pay all this money for a piece of paper. Then they get a 9-5 job where they spend more time than their own house. They spend more time with their co-workers than they do with their own family. Not to mention the fact that they need to pay interest on a mortgage for a house for 30 years and pay double the actual cost of the house due to the interest. All inside of a society where we glorify consumerism and attach our self worth to the logo on our belongings when in reality they were all made in china by the same slaves working in sweatshops who barely make enough money to survive while drowning in debt. Then there's social media where people act like their lives are perfect when in reality the whole space is filled with superficial people who just want to impress people online. There's clearly a lot I despise about this world. All the more reason to leave I guess. That's a logical thought. But first off...

That may be the life of the average person, but it doesn't mean it has to be my life. I don't have to get in $200,000 of debt for a piece of paper when I can learn all of it for free online. I don't need a job that forces me to be in an office. These days you can get remote jobs and work anywhere you want. You also don't have to get a 30 year mortgage, you can get any old job and save up for a downpayment for a 50k condo in no time and do a 15 year mortgage. Trust me I check Zillow every day and you definitely can. You mentioned that "we can't overcome our instincts to hoard and collect" well that's just completely false. Sure there is some human instinct to collect, but you do have a choice. I'm a minimalist. I used to have all the expensive sneakers, jordans, yeezys, designer clothes, bags, expensive chains, etc.. until I realized I'm the same exact person with and without it all. And anyone who treated me better bc of those brands didn't really value me, they just valued the logos. That's why I sold it all and became a minimalist. It's literally a choice, we can 100% overcome those instincts. In terms of social media, I deleted it, boom problem solved. Those are my personal things I hate about our world (of which there are many more), but you saw that when I identified what I disliked most, I found solutions to not allow those problems to have control over my life.

And that fact there are so many more injustices in this world makes it all the more reason to fight for what you believe in. I've certainly had a hard upbringing, and I'd like to do what I can to help people not have to go though the pain I went though growing up. That's why I think it's necessary to discuss certain issues and figure out problems for them. I'd like to raise children with a better life than I could've ever had. Children who don't have to grow up in poverty, who can enjoy the vacations I never went on, who don't get bullied for wearing rags to school, who don't have to grow up their whole life stressed about their future career and how they'll afford college, who don't have to worry about paying for their parents debt and their parents retirement as well as their own. If I can provide a woman with a happy life and 2 children with a better up bringing than me, that'd sure as hell give a lot of meaning to my life. In fact, just seeing the smile on their face would make it all worth it. And no offense, but how the hell could you confidently act as if there's nothing to live for when you just sit alone in your room not even going outside and living your life? You act like this person who has it all figured out and see nothing to live for, when in reality you've never even began living to begin with.

 

[nothingnobody]

Well that is your decision, not mine. I guess you're right in some ways. In fact there's a lot about this world I don't like personally. I look around and see lot's of miserable people. Just getting by, just to get by. No other reason than that, just to survive. Just because that's what everyone else is doing. They go to school and pay all this money for a piece of paper. Then they get a 9-5 job where they spend more time than their own house. They spend more time with their co-workers than they do with their own family. Not to mention the fact that they need to pay interest on a mortgage for a house for 30 years and pay double the actual cost of the house due to the interest. All inside of a society where we glorify consumerism and attach our self worth to the logo on our belongings when in reality they were all made in china by the same slaves working in sweatshops who barely make enough money to survive while drowning in debt. Then there's social media where people act like their lives are perfect when in reality the whole space is filled with superficial people who just want to impress people online. There's clearly a lot I despise about this world. All the more reason to leave I guess. That's a logical thought. But first off...

That may be the life of the average person, but it doesn't mean it has to be my life. I don't have to get in $200,000 of debt for a piece of paper when I can learn all of it for free online. I don't need a job that forces me to be in an office. These days you can get remote jobs and work anywhere you want. You also don't have to get a 30 year mortgage, you can get any old job and save up for a downpayment for a 50k condo in no time and do a 15 year mortgage. Trust me I check Zillow every day and you definitely can. You mentioned that "we can't overcome our instincts to hoard and collect" well that's just completely false. Sure there is some human instinct to collect, but you do have a choice. I'm a minimalist. I used to have all the expensive sneakers, jordans, yeezys, designer clothes, bags, expensive chains, etc.. until I realized I'm the same exact person with and without it all. And anyone who treated me better bc of those brands didn't really value me, they just valued the logos. That's why I sold it all and became a minimalist. It's literally a choice, we can 100% overcome those instincts. In terms of social media, I deleted it, boom problem solved. Those are my personal things I hate about our world (of which there are many more), but you saw that when I identified what I disliked most, I found solutions to not allow those problems to have control over my life.

And that fact there are so many more injustices in this world makes it all the more reason to fight for what you believe in. I've certainly had a hard upbringing, and I'd like to do what I can to help people not have to go though the pain I went though growing up. That's why I think it's necessary to discuss certain issues and figure out problems for them. I'd like to raise children with a better life than I could've ever had. Children who don't have to grow up in poverty, who can enjoy the vacations I never went on, who don't get bullied for wearing rags to school, who don't have to grow up their whole life stressed about their future career and how they'll afford college, who don't have to worry about paying for their parents debt and their parents retirement as well as their own. If I can provide a woman with a happy life and 2 children with a better up bringing than me, that'd sure as hell give a lot of meaning to my life. In fact, just seeing the smile on their face would make it all worth it. And no offense, but how the hell could you confidently act as if there's nothing to live for when you just sit alone in your room not even going outside and living your life? You act like this person who has it all figured out and see nothing to live for, when in reality you've never even began living to begin with.

i see no point to any of these things and have never desired any of it. why should i work towards something that i will grasp and realize it is all still completely hollow? why should you even have kids in the first place if theyre just going to have the same issues you are having right now?

 

[theslasher]

i see no point to any of these things and have never desired any of it. why should i work towards something that i will grasp and realize it is all still completely hollow? why should you even have kids in the first place if theyre just going to have the same issues you are having right now?

Well no, that's the reason I push myself so hard. Growing up in poverty and facing all of the other struggles I've faced growing up is the literal motivation for me. I've proven to myself before that I can accomplish incredible things as long as I am consistent. I apply that confidence in myself towards building a better future for myself and my future family. BUT I will not foolishly bring children into this world if I know damn well I cannot provide for them and force them to have the same horrible upbringing I had. I'll only bring children into this world (probably 2), if, and only if, I can support them all financially. Many of my struggles were for financial reasons, (although there were many many more... and had I had parents who made better decisions then those struggles would not have happened). But it's okay, they did the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had. Now I'll do my best every day to build a better version of myself and create a better future so at least my kids will have a nice normal life.

 

[lonegore]

I'm sorry that you're feeling that way, so much emptiness. I feel that way most of the time as well, do you perhaps take a medication that could compress your feelings/desires? Antidepressants tend to do so. Personally, I cannot imagine myself going back to having 'feelings' and having strong desires for random things, like making people happy, be someone helpful, make someone like me etc.. It's not something that I would be able to bear or carry with me anymore. Too heavy to carry it with me & too complicated to handle any of that. Living with desires would literally just be a hassle.

Such things shouldn't matter a lot anyway. Hope you had a great day. I wish you well.