Anyone else feel uncomfortable with the idea of suicide upon waking up?

[Weebster]

This always happens. Why? I decide on it the day before. I go to sleep, then wake up, and it dawns on me what I've decided and am horrified

 

[ClownMe]

I'm the opposite, the desire to kill myself when I wake up each morning increases.

 

[DPJ187]

I'm the same., its before my eyes open I get that deep sinking feeling. I just know that i dont want to be around another day. Like a sad desperation has set in but I still want to go on my terms, got my SN on the way.

 

[Foresight]

There's a weird and uncomfortable morning awareness that makes everything more intense. I don't know how to describe it. That feeling of horror can be reduced though. I've been below it and it feels calmer. You really have to spend time on your choice and ruminate on it. I find the unconscious mind can come to a relative state of acceptance of it when you negotiate with it about the suffering. It takes a lot of time to set into your deeper thoughts though. We're built to want to survive. I found when I can't reason with the horror of it then it's because it's not the right choice yet. That's my experience.

 

[Lost Magic]

I just woke up not long ago and I am begging God or whoever is out there to give me the strength to end all this. The pain of waking up everyday with these illnesses, this horrible place I live and the thought of a bleak future just kills me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I always feel uncomfortable with the thought of going through the process of ctb, as to me the accessible methods are all horrible, I am scared of the method failing. All that I want is to peacefully pass away and be free from all suffering. It is always an awful feeling waking up and realising that I am still alive and I have another day ahead of misery. I usually feel the worst in the mornings.

 

[Weebster]

I just woke up not long ago and I am begging God or whoever is out there to give me the strength to end all this. The pain of waking up everyday with these illnesses, this horrible place I live and the thought of a bleak future just kills me.

Why is the place you live at a bad one?

 

[Lost Magic]

Why is the place you live at a bad one?

Because it is full of disrespectful arseholes who don't care about anybody but themselves. Plus, there is no community. It is just a complete shit hole.

 

[Weebster]

Because it is full of disrespectful arseholes who don't care about anybody but themselves. Plus, there is no community. It is just a complete shit hole.

Same here. Why can't we all just have Tiny houses?

 

[Lost Magic]

Same here. Why can't we all just have Tiny houses?

I would prefer a boat myself. It's just a recurring dream I get were I am floating away from all this pain and misery.

 

[Weebster]

I would prefer a boat myself. It's just a recurring dream I get were I am floating away from all this pain and misery.

Boats capsize

 

[Lost Magic]

Boats capsize

lol no need to be contrary. It's just a dream and in my dream it doesn't capsize okay

 

[Weebster]

lol no need to be contrary. It's just a dream and in my dream it doesn't capsize okay

You need a Tiny house and to live in a neighborhood with other Tiny houses.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

You need a Tiny house and to live in a neighborhood with other Tiny houses.

Maybe the tiny houses are in a bucolic forest and we have everything we need including vegetables and animals…

 

[Weebster]

Maybe the tiny houses are in a bucolic forest and we have everything we need including vegetables and animals…

The surburbs should be replaced with tiny house dwellings. Boomers belong in tent cities.

 

[outrider567]

I'm the opposite, the desire to kill myself when I wake up each morning increases.

Same with me--I wake up and immediately realize my precious girlfriend is still dead,and my suicide thoughts resume immediately

 

[Judy Garland]

No.

 

[Al Cappella]

Tiny houses can get crushed by elephants. Or carried away by ants. I'm going to live in a tree fort…

 

[fatefulstillness]

No, I feel quite numb most of the time and mornings are time spent trying to put my thoughts in order. It's a lot of noise and absolutely unpleasant.

However, things change around twilight and everything becomes more intense, suicidal feelings included. It's bittersweet, but I'm relieved it happens. It's not nice to feel like a ghost all the time.

 

[bing]

It's so weird, I wake up and feel a small desire to try again and enjoy life and look forward to the day and then in less than a minute it evaporates lol.

 

[downndone2]

I always wake up upset that I didn't die while asleep. I'm pretty much thinking about suicide all the time unless I'm working or sleeping. I certainly think about it quite a bit while working. My anxiety and depression is AWFUL

 

[its-about-time]

Boils down to indecisiveness. Desire vs reality of action. I'm sorry. It's hard.

 

[Weebster]

Boils down to indecisiveness. Desire vs reality of action. I'm sorry. It's hard.

Why are some indecisive?

 

[its-about-time]

Why are some indecisive?

Do I have enough hope to keep trying? Do I care more about the suffering it will create in those who love me than my own selfish need to stop suffering? Etc

 

[Weebster]

Do I have enough hope to keep trying? Do I care more about the suffering it will create in those who love me than my own selfish need to stop suffering? Etc

Mine would be "is it really hopeless?" "Did you really go through all that abuse for absolutely nothing?" Then my rage comes out and pushes aside my fear and weakness.

 

[Klo]

This always happens. Why? I decide on it the day before. I go to sleep, then wake up, and it dawns on me what I've decided and am horrified

It is my first thought every day when I wake up. I'm not horrified but this is a clear indication that I am not well and part of my process leading up to going with it.

 

[Bong-Hit-Transplant]

There's a weird and uncomfortable morning awareness that makes everything more intense. I don't know how to describe it. That feeling of horror can be reduced though. I've been below it and it feels calmer. You really have to spend time on your choice and ruminate on it. I find the unconscious mind can come to a relative state of acceptance of it when you negotiate with it about the suffering. It takes a lot of time to set into your deeper thoughts though. We're built to want to survive. I found when I can't reason with the horror of it then it's because it's not the right choice yet. That's my experience.

This is what I'm struggling with right now. I feel confident in my choice to CTB, but every once in a while my subconscious becomes uniquely aware of my coming death and I'm just filled with dread.

Part of me takes this as not having fully come to peace with my decision like you said, but I'm honestly I'm not sure my brain will every be 100% okay with the thought of my own death. But I can't just let fear keep me here forever.

 

[Weebster]

This is what I'm struggling with right now. I feel confident in my choice to CTB, but every once in a while my subconscious becomes uniquely aware of my coming death and I'm just filled with dread.

Part of me takes this as not having fully come to peace with my decision like you said, but I'm honestly I'm not sure my brain will every be 100% okay with the thought of my own death. But I can't just let fear keep me here forever.

Yay verily

 

[butterfly3]

i'm the opposite lol. i pretty much feel suicidal all of the day, but mostly right when i wake up and right before bed

 

[Weebster]

i'm the opposite lol. i pretty much feel suicidal all of the day, but mostly right when i wake up and right before bed

Yeah night time is hell