Anyone else feel they kinda deserve to die?

[Ambivalent1]

I don't think what I'm about to say is so bad I should die but it's not good either. I never had a friend until I was well into elementary. I was never around other kids as a small child and never learned to socialize. So I grew up being selfish with people. Well, as you can imagine that doesn't work so well as an adult. Adults don't tolerate that so you're left alone without a tribe. When I say "deserve to die" I mean that biologically. I failed to be a cooperative member of our species. I chose to isolate as a result of trauma and often hate others and don't trust them. But you can't function well without help in this world.

 

[tary]

I don't think there's such a thing as deserving to die.
Especially not if you just don't happen to be a very social person.
I'm an introvert myself and don't have any very close friends.
Many people do terrible things and still do very well for themselves in this life.
We defeat biology every day with medicine and technology.
Ask what life can do for you, not what you can do for life.

 

[Daryl72]

i understand what you are saying. In some ways I feel I deserve to die die to losing all the help I had and screwing up so badly. I don't want to face anymore ridicule or pain, but mostly I've done so much to ruin my life, i believe death is likely to be deserved now.

 

[Ambivalent1]

i understand what you are saying. In some ways I feel I deserve to die die to losing all the help I had and screwing up so badly. I don't want to face anymore ridicule or pain, but mostly I've done so much to ruin my life, i believe death is likely to be deserved now.

When/if you ctb, what do you expect to feel in your final moments?

 

[LostinTime24]

I feel this, I can say with bipolar I definitely ruined a lot of my relationships with people. If I would looked in the mirror sooner and thought about my actions I still have people in my life. Done a lot to set myself up for failure and like you said without help in this world it's almost impossible to function. I don't think I serve a purpose anymore so it's my time to go I'm at fault for a lot.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

Hard to say. I think this idea that humans deserve anything is a human idea. Deserving life or death doesn't happen in nature. You either live or you die. Get eaten, reproduce, eat other things. Haha.

Does anyone deserve to live a long time? Now that I don't think makes any sense either.

Maybe the word I'd use is desire. I desire to be dead but I don't desire to die. My life feels like slowly dying. All this time because humans fight nature through medicine and shape the environments we live in to promote our chances of survival against nature.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Hard to say. I think this idea that humans deserve anything is a human idea. Deserving life or death doesn't happen in nature. You either live or you die. Get eaten, reproduce, eat other things. Haha.

Does anyone deserve to live a long time? Now that I don't think makes any sense either.

Maybe the word I'd use is desire. I desire to be dead but I don't desire to die. My life feels like slowly dying. All this time because humans fight nature through medicine and shape the environments we live in to promote our chances of survival against nature.

Nature would've killed me many times over already.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Well let me put it this way; there's a very good reason why I vent on my private discord server and not here as much.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I see it more as a reward! Like being released from prison for good behaviour. Not that I've gone to prison. But, yeah, I think we've all suffered enough. We deserve peace away from this life shit. That's for people who want to die- to be clear. I don't wish death on people who don't!

 

[Ambivalent1]

I see it more as a reward! Like being released from prison for good behaviour. Not that I've gone to prison. But, yeah, I think we've all suffered enough. We deserve peace away from this life shit. That's for people who want to die- to be clear. I don't wish death on people who don't!

Sounds glorious. I wish I wasn't so obsessed with finding connection in this prison planet.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Yup.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yup.

Methree

 

[Winterreise]

If you feel like you deserve to die, you probably don't deserve to die.

 

[Ambivalent1]

If you feel like you deserve to die, you probably don't deserve to die.

I like your quote thing lol

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I deserve to die but not because of biology or because of self loathing but rather because I deserve better and, to me, death is that better. I don't deserve life because life is shitty and forces me to be a prisoner rather than be free. I'll be free once I'm dead as dead people aren't forced to be slaves to society. I'll also be free from any suffering that could be inflicted upon me. So yes, I deserve to die because I deserve better

 

[LaVieEnRose]

No, I deserve to live and thrive and be happy. But to quote the late great Tina Turner, what's "deserve" but a sweet old-fashioned notion?

 

[abchia]

For me it's not that I deserve to die, its that I don't deserve to live. I'm not useful enough to validate living and taking up resources in this world, and I'm not benefiting anyone's lives in the long run by being around.

 

[ecliptic]

I'm not meant to be around because I have tons of mental illnesses.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yes, I deserve to die but not because of biology or because of self loathing but rather because I deserve better and, to me, death is that better. I don't deserve life because life is shitty and forces me to be a prisoner rather than be free. I'll be free once I'm dead as dead people aren't forced to be slaves to society. I'll also be free from any suffering that could be inflicted upon me. So yes, I deserve to die because I deserve better

That's interesting

 

[LifeIsBS]

more like i am meant to die. i don't belong here.

 

[jbear824]

I definitely deserve to die. For being useless, for being fat, for being gay, for not working or wanting to ever do that, for being a "leech" living off my $973 a month from the government. For being mentally ill. For contributing nothing to society.

The worst part is that most of society agrees with my reasoning. But won't let me kill myself easily. Living is fucking torture that other people feel righteous about.

I deserve to die because I am suffering with no end or improvement in sight. And I should not be forced to live in this hell just on the nonzero chance that something may improve, and so that other people I don't even know, don't have to face the harsh realities all around us.

 

[Ambivalent1]

more like i am meant to die. i don't belong here.

Something about that touched me
I feel the same.

I definitely deserve to die. For being useless, for being fat, for being gay, for not working or wanting to ever do that, for being a "leech" living off my $973 a month from the government. For being mentally ill. For contributing nothing to society.

The worst part is that most of society agrees with my reasoning. But won't let me kill myself easily. Living is fucking torture that other people feel righteous about.

I deserve to die because I am suffering with no end or improvement in sight. And I should not be forced to live in this hell just on the nonzero chance that something may improve, and so that other people I don't even know, don't have to face the harsh realities all around us.

I have some of those same problems. Disability is a special hell. A red mark on the forehead outcasted by all

I definitely deserve to die. For being useless, for being fat, for being gay, for not working or wanting to ever do that, for being a "leech" living off my $973 a month from the government. For being mentally ill. For contributing nothing to society.

The worst part is that most of society agrees with my reasoning. But won't let me kill myself easily. Living is fucking torture that other people feel righteous about.

I deserve to die because I am suffering with no end or improvement in sight. And I should not be forced to live in this hell just on the nonzero chance that something may improve, and so that other people I don't even know, don't have to face the harsh realities all around us.

I have some of those same problems. Disability is a special hell. A red mark on the forehead outcasted by all

 

[fleetingnight]

Sometimes I feel I deserve to die, other times I feel I don't deserve to be free from my pain by dying. I know that doesn't really make sense.

 

[Dark Moon]

Probably, I also failed to be a co operative member of our species or society but at the same time I don't want to be a part of society and I don't fit in anyway.

It's also to prevent any pain and suffering that happens in the present and future.

 

[timetodie24]

100 %. I'm worthless, useless, evil, waste of space. I'm not meant to be alive. The fact that I am still alive is a glitch in the system. I've already lived past what should've been my expiry date.
I deserve to suffer a slow, painful, horrific death.

 

[stupidhuman]

100 %. I'm worthless, useless, evil, waste of space. I'm not meant to be alive. The fact that I am still alive is a glitch in the system. I've already lived past what should've been my expiry date.
I deserve to suffer a slow, painful, horrific death.

Me too. I feel pretty much the same except being evil. Even tho I wouldn't like a slow death full of suffering that's what I deserve.

I remember my first and only CTB attempt in which for some unknown cosmic reason my mother was in front of my door and came to visit me. We argued 1 week before about some paperwork but I swear the timing is still uncanny to me.

If she decided do visit me one day later I wouldn't be alive 99% (zero money in bank and no food left). We live states away. Equipment ready to CTB.

I remember being suicidal for not looking attractive and manly and that's why I thought there's no point in living. I had no friends, had a boring personality, was too nice, …

I got into therapy, lost weight and actually became very very attractive. I'm tall and I 100% got what I wanted.
My sex life turned from virgin to having sex with literally any person I wanted.
Never did anyone decline or said I wasn't their type. NEVER. People look at me all the time when I walk through the street.
People treat me differently. I notice that because I've experienced the other "side" in the past.

I've experienced the ugly-duckling phenomenon on crack.

I got my wish basically fulfilled by some God and I got a second chance.
I was bullied in school, no friends. Maybe the cosmos felt bad about me and gave me very good looks after I've lost weight.

Well I'm still suicidal, my potential as a human being is wasted. I am too stupid to do stuff I'd like. I don't even know what I like doing as a career but thinking about my career makes me suicidal.

I just want money but I guess even if I got lots of money I'd find another reason to be suicidal.

I'm a complete joke and I should hurry the fuck up and do it already.

 

[lnlybnny]

Yes, I relate to everything you said. I'm not a functioning member of society and as much as I didn't ask to be here, I think perhaps I can have a say in the choice of getting out. Some person ''near'' me confronted me about not interacting even with relatives and I lack the energy to even explain my reasons to said person or anyone. I don't have energy for anything, I truly feel I shouldn't be here.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yes, I relate to everything you said. I'm not a functioning member of society and as much as I didn't ask to be here, I think perhaps I can have a say in the choice of getting out. Some person ''near'' me confronted me about not interacting even with relatives and I lack the energy to even explain my reasons to said person or anyone. I don't have energy for anything, I truly feel I shouldn't be here.

I rarely go to family events and they don't like that. They know my issues. Fuck them

 

[kyhoti]

Well, I try to think about it this way: what would I do if I found someone exactly like me? That's easy. They would disappear really quickly. I would still be a little emotionally and ethically conflicted, but thats that.

Quite frankly, most of the people I've seen here would get a big hug (and maybe a gentle, loving slap on the back of the head), but I wouldn't disappear them. Me? Done.

 

[Hotsackage]

We have been given the red card of life in a society that is in denial, but no one deserves that outcome so to speak, just really unfortunate is all