Venting anyone else feel sick of advice from those who don't get reality

[plain_jane]

In particular, I was recently told by a partner that my selflessness would make me unhappy and that I should choose to be more selfish, to demand more. But the people in my life only choose to interact with me explicitly because I give my all and ask for nothing. I'm the most mean, cynical, selfish and black hearted bitch you'd ever come across, but my reality demands that I give all of myself to be consumed by others, because I'm not pretty enough or emotionally well enough to entice people to pamper me. It's not a choice, it's a role put upon me; just as her right to be selfish is a privilege granted to her. Every time I have asked anything of anyone they have recoiled away from me, so naturally I just give so people will be around me, because the pain of social isolation is even worse. So I'm going to be hurt if I'm around others and I'm going to be hurt if I'm alone. And then they'd ask how I could possibly want to die when I have four partners as if any of them actually love me. They just love to be loved by me.

 

[SexyIncél]

Yeah, most people don't generalize past their own selves. :( And don't ask questions to align with your hard-won mindset! They do simple pattern-matching, not (say) reason backwards from goals to available resources

You clearly seem to have unusual ability to imagine from the perspective of others, to have 4 romantic partners!

I'm the most mean, cynical, selfish and black hearted bitch you'd ever come across

Well, you sound cool! Even if it's because you had to look out for yourself when no one else would...

 

[angel31]

I'm the most mean, cynical, selfish and black hearted bitch you'd ever come across

I dont think you are that bad :)
I believe everyone (that is not overconfident) thinks about themselves in that way just because you know every aspect of you and you overinflate the bad stuff…
And I think people like being around you because you are probably just fun to be around. I can understand where you are coming from and kind of feel similar, but I really believe these feelings are "wrong"…
I hope you understand what i mean <3

 

[BleedingHeartofPain]

In particular, I was recently told by a partner that my selflessness would make me unhappy and that I should choose to be more selfish, to demand more. But the people in my life only choose to interact with me explicitly because I give my all and ask for nothing. I'm the most mean, cynical, selfish and black hearted bitch you'd ever come across, but my reality demands that I give all of myself to be consumed by others, because I'm not pretty enough or emotionally well enough to entice people to pamper me. It's not a choice, it's a role put upon me; just as her right to be selfish is a privilege granted to her. Every time I have asked anything of anyone they have recoiled away from me, so naturally I just give so people will be around me, because the pain of social isolation is even worse. So I'm going to be hurt if I'm around others and I'm going to be hurt if I'm alone. And then they'd ask how I could possibly want to die when I have four partners as if any of them actually love me. They just love to be loved by me.

In a nutshell this is my problem. I feel like I'm the person that fixes people so they can go after what they really want after leaving me behind. They know that I am genuinely a kind person and they take advantage of it. My old boss called earlier under the guise of checking on me and then by the end it was evident that she only wanted to check on me to see if I would come back to be used even more by their crappy company.

I intend to ctb in six days, so I've been trying out being a cold heartless bitch. My first attempt failed miserably and I feel horrible about what I did even though the two people who know about it think I should have done more. I have zero intention of harming others, but I am blocking access to myself for the remainder of my time.