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Gnip

Gnip

Bill the Cat
Oct 10, 2020
621
My former psychiatrist of 18 years couldn't very well say this to me in the midst of our association, but in our last few appointments (after which I knew she had decided to close her practice, our final meeting being two days after her letter announcing the end of her private practice), she admitted to me that she believed I had been beaten down to the point where nothing which could possibly be tried might help me get better. It was a de facto endorsement of euthanasia.

Over six and a half years later, two treatments which had not yet been attempted have failed me completely, a near 40 treatment course of ECT (which she correctly predicted would not work) and the novel antidepressant vortioxetine (which did not arrive on the market until after my former psychiatrist decided to stop practicing medicine).

EEG neurofeedback and some other biofeedback modalities are not proven in cases like mine, and I have known some failures, people who did not respond to intensive and sustained biofeedback therapies. Allegedly, rTMS can succeed where ECT has failed, but these reports remain largely anecdotal, not yet supported by extensive clinical studies.

Also, the sheer duration of my Major Depressive Disorder makes it extremely treatment resistant. I have failed on ECT and seven of the eight classes of antidepressants. In the Netherlands or Belgium, I would instantly qualify for psychiatrist administered euthanasia, and in fact have been qualified by 2020 standards for over a decade now.

My current psychiatrist is an active Professor Emeritus at a prominent medical school which administered Deep Brain Stimulation, and he has ruled me out as a candidate for DBS for convincing reasons I have agreed with and accept. He has suggested the idea that an irreversible monoamine oxidase inhibitor might work, but he cannot guarantee success, let alone permanent success, while I would also have to permanently wear a Medic Alert bracelet, something I absolutely will never consider wearing, nor am I required to do so in the nations which practice psychiatrist administered euthanasia. Sometime in the next four years, psychiatrist administered euthanasia will become a legal right in the United States, but it's possible I will not be waiting that long before a certain specific event in my personal life causes me to take immediate action to CTB.

There's one "Hail Mary" desperation measure I would sign off on in an instant. Every clinically recorded case of attempted suicide involving somebody taking a massive dose of fluoxetine had all of them without exception dramatically IMPROVE! This includes one young female with OCD who attempted to CTB with a dose of 50,000 mg Prozac. Instead of dying, all traces of her OCD disappeared completely for over six months! I would LOVE to attempt something like this under medical supervision, but the health care industry is too cowardly and greedy to actually try helping anybody get better (meaning that in reality, they all support Sanctioned Suicide unconditionally. Talk is shit. All the actions of the mental health establishment completely support the public service which SS is performing on an international basis for mental health sufferers all around the world).
 
nerve

nerve

fat cringey shut-in
Jun 19, 2019
1,009
I can run from it as long as I want, but I just know someday it's going to catch up with me and swallow me whole.
 
Gnip

Gnip

Bill the Cat
Oct 10, 2020
621
My therapist would say something similar. I would point out that I could be a very different person outside a session and he would have no way of knowing. That's when he got quiet. And I knew his diagnoses were only partially right.

Your therapist sounds like a fuckwit, but then again, the only therapists who didn't sound like fuckwits to me were the ones who knew they were running away with hefty pay in exchange for not helping us in any way, or making us WORSE!

He got quiet because he realized you are SMARTER than he is!
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
Your therapist sounds like a fuckwit, but then again, the only therapists who didn't sound like fuckwits to me were the ones who knew they were running away with hefty pay in exchange for not helping us in any way, or making us WORSE!

He got quiet because he realized you are SMARTER than he is!
No he was very intelligent and an expert in psychology. He just realized that a previous view he had was wrong.
 
C

carrie

Member
Oct 20, 2020
21
Yes and i got to get out of here soon its not if its when and the most even fucked up part all of my illnesses that stem in the brain like tinnitus hyperacusis hypothyrodism which arent even mental I even heard I have a high risk of getting alzhimers dementia i mean does God hate me or something? Like I already have slow memory so I literally have no choice but to ctb if I dont i will suffer so much that it shouldn't even be legal to suffer this much i hate this fucked up place called earth place of evil doctors are money hungry its sad they will purposely give u medication to make u feel okay for a little while and then they know the medicine will stop working long term so they can still get paid cycle of evilness bullshit

This is why i say people should have a right to euthanasia no matter what fucking age illness doesn't affect just one age group i mean 7billion people and you cant help a small percentage to get out of here? Why are we so important to keep alive Would've that even help save the earth wtf like is money that important when the earth is dying anyway God i just want to ctb so bad i just wish shit was legal already fuck!

My thoughts exactly, why should we continue on if we don't want to. Euthanasia should be a legal choice.
 
B

Buffy5120

Death is vital
Mar 19, 2020
614
My former psychiatrist of 18 years couldn't very well say this to me in the midst of our association, but in our last few appointments (after which I knew she had decided to close her practice, our final meeting being two days after her letter announcing the end of her private practice), she admitted to me that she believed I had been beaten down to the point where nothing which could possibly be tried might help me get better. It was a de facto endorsement of euthanasia.

Over six and a half years later, two treatments which had not yet been attempted have failed me completely, a near 40 treatment course of ECT (which she correctly predicted would not work) and the novel antidepressant vortioxetine (which did not arrive on the market until after my former psychiatrist decided to stop practicing medicine).

EEG neurofeedback and some other biofeedback modalities are not proven in cases like mine, and I have known some failures, people who did not respond to intensive and sustained biofeedback therapies. Allegedly, rTMS can succeed where ECT has failed, but these reports remain largely anecdotal, not yet supported by extensive clinical studies.

Also, the sheer duration of my Major Depressive Disorder makes it extremely treatment resistant. I have failed on ECT and seven of the eight classes of antidepressants. In the Netherlands or Belgium, I would instantly qualify for psychiatrist administered euthanasia, and in fact have been qualified by 2020 standards for over a decade now.

My current psychiatrist is an active Professor Emeritus at a prominent medical school which administered Deep Brain Stimulation, and he has ruled me out as a candidate for DBS for convincing reasons I have agreed with and accept. He has suggested the idea that an irreversible monoamine oxidase inhibitor might work, but he cannot guarantee success, let alone permanent success, while I would also have to permanently wear a Medic Alert bracelet, something I absolutely will never consider wearing, nor am I required to do so in the nations which practice psychiatrist administered euthanasia. Sometime in the next four years, psychiatrist administered euthanasia will become a legal right in the United States, but it's possible I will not be waiting that long before a certain specific event in my personal life causes me to take immediate action to CTB.

There's one "Hail Mary" desperation measure I would sign off on in an instant. Every clinically recorded case of attempted suicide involving somebody taking a massive dose of fluoxetine had all of them without exception dramatically IMPROVE! This includes one young female with OCD who attempted to CTB with a dose of 50,000 mg Prozac. Instead of dying, all traces of her OCD disappeared completely for over six months! I would LOVE to attempt something like this under medical supervision, but the health care industry is too cowardly and greedy to actually try helping anybody get better (meaning that in reality, they all support Sanctioned Suicide unconditionally. Talk is shit. All the actions of the mental health establishment completely support the public service which SS is performing on an international basis for mental health sufferers all around the world).
See yeah the doctors know theres no way out they know what really works and what doesnt work, but the government will force doctors to not tell us the truth or they will lose their license. I even remember reading someone actually quit becoming a doctor because all of the lies they were forced to tell patients and how the doctor said she felt horrible because she watched most of her clients suffer when they didnt have too but she couldn't go agaist her contract probably but thats why she quit she said it was too inhumane and felt guilty because she couldn't provide them with medicines that will actually cure them. Its just how evil pharm is if they can cure us then they will be out of business. Like you said with rTMS vs ECT they push alot of patients to ECT knowing the fucked up side affects people get from it I've read so many stories about people who had memory issues after going through ect pure evil
 
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Gnip

Gnip

Bill the Cat
Oct 10, 2020
621
See yeah the doctors know there's no way out they know what really works and what doesn't work, but the government will force doctors to not tell us the truth or they will lose their license. I even remember reading someone actually quit becoming a doctor because all of the lies they were forced to tell patients and how the doctor said she felt horrible because she watched most of her clients suffer when they didn't have too but she couldn't go against her contract probably but that's why she quit she said it was too inhumane and felt guilty because she couldn't provide them with medicines that will actually cure them. Its just how evil pharm is if they can cure us then they will be out of business. Like you said with rTMS vs ECT they push a lot of patients to ECT knowing the fucked up side affects people get from it I've read so many stories about people who had memory issues after going through ECT pure evil

With ECT, I never personally had any memory issues as a male (and I pushed EXTREMELY hard for undergoing ECT after everything else had failed completely), but the numerous different psychiatrists who administered ECT to me all stated that memory issues after going through ECT were a problem for patients who were born female at birth, but not those who were born male. Later, I spoke to both men and women who had been through ECT and that's what they also said.

Fuck political correctness. Females should not be subjected to ECT. Males should only receive it if they are fully informed and consenting patients. (In my case, I had read "Shock: The Healing Power of Electroconvulsive Therapy" by Kitty Dukakis and Larry Tye, so I fully understood what I was demanding for myself. Yes, part of my reasoning was knowing that no psychiatrist could oppose me catching the bus if it failed, but I was truly hoping and expecting it might work.)
 
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Going Home

Going Home

Specialist
Sep 21, 2018
357
My depression isn't helped by idiot bullies who unfortunately I can't slap the shit out of.
 
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Chupacabra 44

Chupacabra 44

If boredom were a CTB method, I would be long gone
Sep 13, 2020
710
As long as I'm here, I keep trying to turn myself around. My overall situation is likely beyond repair, and I'm 99% sure I'm just delaying the inevitable, but as long as I'm here I try endlessly to improve my physical and mental health conditions.

My physical health conditions are endless, although nothing is terminal, which is unfortunate, as far as I'm concerned. On the mental health side, it's a much smaller list with bipolar 1, social anxiety, general anxiety, OPCD with rigidity and perfectionism, and possibly PTSD based on whom I listen to from my mental health team.

I think it's the OPCD with rigidity and perfectionism that has kept me a float, since I'm incredibly stubborn, and think I can resolve my health issues through research and trial and error; but, try as I may, it's not working great in the big picture, as I continue to try and retry everything possible at least twice.

I'm able to piece together solutions for many of my issues, but it's one step forward and two steps back as seemingly each trip to a medical specialist results in a new physical diagnosis. Plus, drastic dietary interventions that significantly helps one condition adversely impacts another.

Hence, in part, the beauty of aging.

I recommend as long as anyone is alive try and educate yourself incessently as to possible solutions for any mental and physical health conditions you might have, and then keep experimenting, until your final breath, especially with diet.

Drastic dietary intervention has been the answer for many with physical and/or mental health conditions, and I still haven't given up hope that this might be how I turn myself around.

Highly recommend anyone with some level of dietary discipline to try drastic dietary interventions. It was incredibly empowering for me to learn what exactly each food group is doing to my body. Now, I just juggle the adverse side effects from each food group as I contemplate my next move.
 
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B

Buffy5120

Death is vital
Mar 19, 2020
614
Yes. I have many comorbid mental health conditions, some of which are genetically based. They are incurable. I've been suffering since young childhood and felt suicidal for 15 years. I've tried all there is to offer in treatment, which has never been much or effective. Many medications made things worse.

My illness is me - I can't remember not being ill, being a person and not a personality or mood disorder. Whoever I may have been before is long dead and gone. All I have to look forward to is continued suffering. My brain is damaged, the neural pathways set, my life situation is unlikely to ever improve and so my mental health is never going to recover. I'm more likely to contract serious illness due to suppressed immune system, suffer heart attack or stroke due to stress hormone damage, descend into psychosis due to worsening untreatable bipolar episodes, or should I survive into old age, all that's waiting for me is dementia or alzheimer's.

I will not endure this hopelessness. I accept the necessary plan of action. My illness is terminal and I will euthanise myself when the pain is no longer bearable and before I lose the last of my autonomy and self-awareness. I have no other choice but to lose myself some other, far worse way. I'm living right now because I want to splurge all the savings I sacrificed for, as there will be no life worth investing them in. I'm a patient with terminal conditions who has accepted their diagnosis and wants one last hurrah before the final exit.
Im going through the same how old are you? Im 24 dealing with all of these i keep telling myself please get your self out of here before you lose your abilities to do the basic things if I dont I will be trapped because you know how family members want to keep you suffering forever
 
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issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Nov 5, 2019
441
Hey PrincessInWhite. We briefly interacted last year but I'm back and it's nice to see a familar face! To answer your question yes I do feel like it's terminal. I have OCD and I rattle myself and give myself panic attacks over anything. Tired of being like this so I'll be leaving on my own terms. Fuck mental illness I am the one whose in charge.
 
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Mer

Mer

Insert Witty Comment Here
Dec 2, 2020
66
I consider my chronic depression and suicidal ideation to both be mental illnesses, and that for me, they're terminal.

It's not a matter of "if" but "when".
 
Raminiki

Raminiki

Iustitia Mortuus
Jun 12, 2020
269
Im going through the same how old are you? Im 24 dealing with all of these i keep telling myself please get your self out of here before you lose your abilities to do the basic things if I dont I will be trapped because you know how family members want to keep you suffering forever

32, and I've noted the worsening damage to my mental faculties and decreasing tolerance of stress. The slightest upset makes me burst into tears. My tolerance of adversity has become too low with the constant attrition. I've had insurmountable and untreated trauma that's snowballed into an inability to cope with life. I don't think trying a cocktail of different medications that have had really bad effects on me for years and years has done me any favours either.

Maintain your power over yourself at all costs. Having the means to end it on your own terms is a rock in times of instability, morbid as that might seem.

I care for you and am sorry I can't say things might get better for you if you can't find an appropriate treatment or healing life situation. But I pray you have better luck than I've done and find a way through.
 
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R

RepressedMind

Miss the full ability to think
Apr 24, 2020
160
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, which has made my life a living hell. So yeah I can somewhat understand how you're feeling.
 
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M

makingsure4

Student
Jan 6, 2021
152
Yes, also I deal with anhedonia. Lack of pleasurable experiences. Not much left I want to do. Meds make me tired. Everything is grey. Why should I have to live like this? Family is dead. What keeps me going? One...Fear of failure. Have to make sure it is foolproof. Prepping. Did the right thing for me and didn't have a kid. So won't pass on these complicated agonizing genetics. Besides the world population is way out of whack. Keeps growing. The earth is suffering. Didn't want to also cause another being to suffer. Thank goodness for planned parenthood.
 
ToughTimes

ToughTimes

Member
Jan 13, 2021
26
I can't describe how much I agree with this PrincessInWhite. It is such a wired feeling knowing that if things had turned out differently and if the pain was more bearable one would not need to turn to the thought of ending it. When I think about it too much I get jealous, angry and hopeless.

As others write I've also had multiple diagnosis and many periods of though times from when I was pretty small.

Not complete
- dealing with a pedophile when I was in 4th grade(touched and progrssivly gromed and stalked whenever I went to our club after school(ofc did no go at one point at all)
- Given an autism diagnosis when 16
- Given a schitzo effective disorder when 21(probably wrong as it came after I smoked weed)
- Have been deeling with hell that is psychotropics and I am now on no medication but feel like my brain is fried
- Depression on off thougout my life

If others are going though hell with pharmaceuticals look at madinamerica.


I sometimes wounder what are the causes of some of these problems on a societal level?
 
nowhere2befound

nowhere2befound

Member
Jan 8, 2021
69
I don't have a mental illness really. I mean psychiatrist wrote something but i don't believe in their assessments. I am new to it and very much aware as of now that once you get diagnosed with something it is just a matter of time when you go into a psych ward. If they knew my plans i would be in there long ago. I 'healed' my mental illness partially by deciding to ctb. If i didn't have that as an option i would be on pills 100%
 
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