Anyone else feel like a fraud sometimes?

[CoolGuy9]

Sometimes I think about how others have attempted ctb without quitting at the last sec or how people cut themselves or something like that and it makes me question if my problems are even real. I have gotten a lot better of accepting that others problems don't invalidate my own though

 

[sadsoul]

I feel like that too sometimes, like my problems aren't 'bad enough' compared to other people's and not really valid

 

[dandan]

yeah , sure , other people have much bigger problems than me, I can accept that...

like you said, other people's problem's dont invalidate my own...

I've been having ups(not really ups, but at least not wanting to ctb) and downs (wanting to die soon), and just cant take it

life is a challenge at the moment, I can see it that way, life is the biggest fucking challenge, just living and going through life its a challenge...

if im alive I must accept the challenge, OR just fucking die dany

 

[Roberto]

I feel the same too. I think I really don't have any problems. It is like I'm a fraud, I copycat the symptoms of a mental illness.
My head is quite stressed.

 

[wiIIow]

we're all here for different reasons, and some of us stick around for much longer than others. for some, this is a final destination; for others, it's a pit stop. absolutely nothing wrong with this, and the way you happen to deal with or exhibit your personal issues doesn't make them any less real or valid than the next guy. I've stuck around this place and similar communities for a long time, knowing in the back of my head that ctb is always an option, but there's no obligation. If nothing else, it's somewhat of a comfort and distraction anyway

I think I really don't have any problems. It is like I'm a fraud, I copycat the symptoms of a mental illness.

I used to struggle with similar feelings. What I discovered through the years, is that this is a very common feeling among those who are legitimately sick (especially with a background of abuse, but not exclusively), so I hope you can take comfort in that.

 

[Koal]

I've literally got an account on this website and have bought stuff to ctb with and I still feel like a fraud.

 

[dandan]

I really all I can say , " I want to tell you I'm sorry mamma, i'm really really sorry."

I dont want to make my mom the woman whose son killed himself... damm.. I feel really bad about that... thats the greatest thing holding me back...

but still I feel like a fraud... at my job, as a person..

 

[misos9]

I always felt that way, it make me felt stressed for some reason

 

[406metallicblue]

In lots of ways a fraud, in everyday life keeping hidden my suicidal thoughts from others, also hidden from myself sometimes. The fact that i don't have the courage to go through with it as the days pass.

 

[dandan]

i dont know if I will build the courage to ctb if things dont get better

but to things to get better, I have to push myself, to effort myself ...

and also to accept reality and accept what it is...

so for things to get better I got to accept what it is and also push myself to get a little better....

damm...

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Wow! I just had this conversation the other day.
I sincerely don't feel my problems are big enough or enough justifies me ending it.
But whenever, I tell someone of my situation, its like : O, wow!, or you know some form of reaction. I even had a past friend breakdown on me. I'm like????
is it really that bad?

I suppose I just got used to it?
Idk, I feel like I'm an attn seeking idiot or some thing like that..
Im so miserable yet so pathetic, can't even do it.

 

[dandan]

I even had a past friend breakdown on me. I'm like????
is it really that bad?

Well when I talk about how I feel with some friends, yeah, our relationship breaks down ever further,
at the moment I receive no phone calls from any one, not even my brother,
he loves me, thats for sure,
but people dont like negative people... I've got to stop scaring people away... yeah

one thing is being honest,
but another thing is being "stupid" .... why be honest if I know I will only hurt the other people or our relationship? which hurts me too.

 

[CoolGuy9]

Well when I talk about how I feel with some friends, yeah, our relationship breaks down ever further,
at the moment I receive no phone calls from any one, not even my brother,
he loves me, thats for sure,
but people dont like negative people... I've got to stop scaring people away... yeah

one thing is being honest,
but another thing is being "stupid" .... why be honest if I know I will only hurt the other people or our relationship? which hurts me too.

It kind of sucks that you can't tell others how you feel. It leaves me with this annoying feeling of I can't really say what's on my mind. I don't blame them though.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Well when I talk about how I feel with some friends, yeah, our relationship breaks down ever further,
at the moment I receive no phone calls from any one, not even my brother,
he loves me, thats for sure,
but people dont like negative people... I've got to stop scaring people away... yeah

one thing is being honest,
but another thing is being "stupid" .... why be honest if I know I will only hurt the other people or our relationship? which hurts me too.

Oh no I didn't mean the relationship got ruined like she was really upset and distraught from what I said. I think maybe shes a bit overly sensitive? Idk.

 

[whatever1111]

temperament means a lot...how much we can take before crumbling really varies, I don't think it's comparable. Everyone has a world-view, the dominant one says it's selfish to ctb. some people don't have this moral dilemma

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Oh I feel like a complete fraud: unable to go through with ctb, nor be content with life. I don't even know my own mind anymore, i'm so pathetic, i fear of opening my mouth and embarrassing myself.

Well when I talk about how I feel with some friends, yeah, our relationship breaks down ever further,
at the moment I receive no phone calls from any one, not even my brother,
he loves me, thats for sure,
but people dont like negative people... I've got to stop scaring people away... yeah

I've been extremely lucky to have a few close people in my 'real' life to rely on, but I've dealt with the same thing, and it sucks. At least in my experience, i've felt guilty and ashamed after unloading my darker thoughts. I'm sorry so many people have left after you've opened yourself up to them, I hope you can find some solace on this forum. Hugs <3