I feel the urgency big time - I've basically got a few days left - it's surreal at times but when the pain kicks in, it brings me back to reality. I don't want to prolong my physical health situation any more than I have, even though I know my sister is hoping and praying I recover. It's a tough spot to be in.
Mental illness is one thing, but cancer is a different beast. I was originally diagnosed with colon cancer though it's spread from my colon to my ovaries and unless I allow for radical treatment and surgery to keep me alive, I'll be wilting away and just kept comfortable or maybe comatose in a hospital bed.
I feel my time is near. I've been having such vivid, strange dreams. Not necessarily nightmares, but enough to wake me, sometimes partially, where my eyes are open and I'm probably still dreaming and I'll see for example, my ex husband walk across the room, or I dream of my sister and I climbing.
Now that I think of it, she was always such an excellent tree climber. I like remembering that.
I love my sister so much. And my nieces, my nephew ♡
I'll be mailing them packages this week, finally. It just so happens that the dispensary is across the street from the post office so I'm going to treat myself to some nice spliffs.
But yeah - this week is my last week and I did all I could do to prepare and allow for my body to not be discovered until at least the 9th, if not later. Whenever the landlord notices I didn't send my rent check. I plan to leave my keys just outside my apartment door, and a note for someone to call…well, not EMS, that's for sure. Maybe call the coroner?
I would love to have one last dirty martini before I go - I think I will. Or something with a lot of ginger. I love ginger
