Venting Anyone else feel a longing to “go home”?

[BlueButterfly111]

I never felt like I belonged here, and I feel like I'm not from this planet, like I'm from somewhere else. I feel like most people don't understand or think it's weird when I talk about it. No one understands me. Every time I talk about it, people think it's my way of trying to be special or get attention but this is genuinely how I feel. And I've heard a lot of autistic and neurodivergent people say that they feel like an alien from a different planet.

My boyfriend passed away 7 months ago, and ever since he's been gone I've been lost. He was a person that felt like home to me when I met him. And now that he's dead I want to be dead too. I feel like our souls connected on this Earth before our deaths. He was also neurodivergent and "mentally ill" as well.

I'm just struggling so much, I don't know why the universe won't just let me die. It's so cruel, I'm still waiting on my sn to arrive after nearly a month, and yet other people say they received the Sn after only a few days. Why can't it just arrive already? I'm so tired of suffering every day. I don't want to be here anymore.

I just want to go somewhere where everything makes sense and where I belong. I'm tired of being judged for the way I am, tired of being confused about what I'm doing wrong. Tired of other people blaming me for not knowing what they want out of me. I'm just tired, I'm ready to go home.

 

[SilentSadness]

I agree, it's important to note that this world is a primitive environment, akin to the caveman era with some technological advancements. Most people think in terms of self-gain, group-think, survival and tribalism. So it's only natural to feel like an alien, this world wasn't created for humans and humans have inserted themselves into this mess through reproduction. That's where a lot of the dissonance comes from I think, it's easy to see this world as something higher and eloquent but really it's just raw and animalistic. I also wish I could "go home", my number 1 problem on this planet is the state of other humans. I hope you find peace.

 

[maniac116]

First of all I'm so sorry for your loss. I can imagine the pain...
I too feel like I don't belong here & can't wait to "go home". I want to be with God.
I feel like me being on earth is a big mistake of sorts.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

First of all I'm so sorry for your loss. I can imagine the pain...
I too feel like I don't belong here & can't wait to "go home". I want to be with God.
I feel like me being on earth is a big mistake of sorts.

Thank you. Me too, I look at the clouds and think about how I want to be up there with him, In a peaceful place, "home." I don't know why I came here on this Earth. I hope you find peace one day!

 

[Kai_Txn]

I never felt like I belonged here, and I feel like I'm not from this planet, like I'm from somewhere else. I feel like most people don't understand or think it's weird when I talk about it. No one understands me. Every time I talk about it, people think it's my way of trying to be special or get attention but this is genuinely how I feel. And I've heard a lot of autistic and neurodivergent people say that they feel like an alien from a different planet.

My boyfriend passed away 7 months ago, and ever since he's been gone I've been lost. He was a person that felt like home to me when I met him. And now that he's dead I want to be dead too. I feel like our souls connected on this Earth before our deaths. He was also neurodivergent and "mentally ill" as well.

I'm just struggling so much, I don't know why the universe won't just let me die. It's so cruel, I'm still waiting on my sn to arrive after nearly a month, and yet other people say they received the Sn after only a few days. Why can't it just arrive already? I'm so tired of suffering every day. I don't want to be here anymore.

I just want to go somewhere where everything makes sense and where I belong. I'm tired of being judged for the way I am, tired of being confused about what I'm doing wrong. Tired of other people blaming me for not knowing what they want out of me. I'm just tired, I'm ready to go home.

I remember growing up, I always cried and said "I wanna go home" but I was at my place of residence. As a toddler I was saying this and my mother would get upset with me and say that I was home and all I could do after that was cry. I still cry like that to this day as an adult. I never understood WHY I feel like I'm not "home" but I just simply am not home.

I never thought that other people might be feeling that way as well or that it even was a thing that people go through. I always brushed it off as not being comfortable in my surroundings but...i feel that was all the time, regardless of where I am....Thats some scary shit...

 

[Manola]

I'm right there with you. So tired of it all. If I could leave it all behind today, I would. But everything has to be correctly in place before my next attempt. And a promise will need to be broken.

 

[Scythe]

I've felt the same. Never really belonged cause all my irl connections didn't stick. Neither did my online friends stick around, everyone always changes and leaves when I'm frozen in the past. That and my views on life and suicidal idealation meant I can't risk being myself around other people in real life unless I wanted trouble.
I've also always wanted to go to this methaphoric home in my imagination, a prefect place where I've no worries left to stress over, somewhere where I can be who I really want to be.
But I've felt at home in SS communities, with all the other mentally ill and invalids here.

 

[searchingforpeace]

I feel the same way

 

[divinemistress36]

Yes, I always say I want to go home. Im somewhat spiritual this world is Ghetto . Earth isnt our real home. The predominate religion in my area is Mormon , they believe those with Autism have supernatural gifts and perceive things most others cant

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I remember growing up, I always cried and said "I wanna go home" but I was at my place of residence. As a toddler I was saying this and my mother would get upset with me and say that I was home and all I could do after that was cry. I still cry like that to this day as an adult. I never understood WHY I feel like I'm not "home" but I just simply am not home.

I never thought that other people might be feeling that way as well or that it even was a thing that people go through. I always brushed it off as not being comfortable in my surroundings but...i feel that was all the time, regardless of where I am....Thats some scary shit...

Wow, that's so crazy! At least it's good to know I'm not alone in these feelings! My mom said that when I was a baby all I did was cry! I feel like it's because my soul I already knew that I didn't belong here and didn't want to be here. I've always been a very sensitive person as well, and still cry a lot to this day, but I try to keep it to myself. Ever since my boyfriend passed away I mostly cry at the very least 1 time a day, but sometimes multiple lol.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I can honestly say I don't think I have? Though it seems like you're not alone in those feelings based on these replies.

Anyways, I'm so so sorry for your loss, losing a SO has to be one of the worst losses one can endure.

 

[CravingPeace]

Absolutely. Ever since having ego death on psychedelics, I feel like I've known that "nothingness" is. That warm loving embrace of nothingness is where I belong. That's home.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I always felt earth was my home, but humans were not. I'm sorry your SN has not come yet, I think it will though, I think it will. Good luck. I hope you are home soon and reunited with your love.

 

[_void]

I relate with this so much and thought I was the only one that felt this way. It has been a big contributing factor to many of my past attempts to cbt. I feel home with my partner but never have felt it anywhere on earth. When I drank a whole bottle of morphine and saw figures surrounding my bed I was overpowered with a strong feeling of being welcomed, love and home.

 

[maniac116]

Thank you. Me too, I look at the clouds and think about how I want to be up there with him, In a peaceful place, "home." I don't know why I came here on this Earth. I hope you find peace one day!

I'm doing my best to have serenity daily tho its elusive.
I came to this site looking for a reliable method but felt much better after talking to others & at least now I'm not so suicidal.
So I'm being patient, waiting for my time to go

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I can honestly say I don't think I have? Though it seems like you're not alone in those feelings based on these replies.

Anyways, I'm so so sorry for your loss, losing a SO has to be one of the worst losses one can endure.

Thank you so much I agree, I think it's one of the worst losses

Yes, I always say I want to go home. Im somewhat spiritual this world is Ghetto . Earth isnt our real home. The predominate religion in my area is Mormon , they believe those with Autism have supernatural gifts and perceive things most others cant

Wow, that's so interesting, I didn't know that this religion believed this! I've read about people with autism having supernatural gifts as well. I'd recommend The Telapathy Tapes podcast, if you're not already familiar with it. I think there's definitely something there! When I had a dream about my boyfriend passing away, and then a few months later he actually passed away, I felt as though it was significant! I felt like I knew he was going to die. I was always worried about him, especially the last few months that he was alive. I tried to hold on to him so bad, but I think my soul knew that his time was coming.

One day we will find our actual home away from this world.

I always felt earth was my home, but humans were not. I'm sorry your SN has not come yet, I think it will though, I think it will. Good luck. I hope you are home soon and reunited with your love.

Thank you so much for the kind words! That's so interesting, I kind of relate. I just don't know if I was meant to be on this Earth as a human. But the Earth has always been beautiful to me, I love the clouds and the stars. They do actually feel like home, but I guess maybe away from this planet. Definitely never felt at home with any human other than my boyfriend. I hope I'll be reunited with him soon as well, and that we can both be at home and at peace, well he already is but now hopefully my turn soon! Thanks again for the kind words, I really appreciate it!

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Thank you so much I agree, I think it's one of the worst losses

Wow, that's so interesting, I didn't know that this religion believed this! I've read about people with autism having supernatural gifts as well. I'd recommend The Telapathy Tapes podcast, if you're not already familiar with it. I think there's definitely something there! When I had a dream about my boyfriend passing away, and then a few months later he actually passed away, I felt as though it was significant! I felt like I knew he was going to die. I was always worried about him, especially the last few months that he was alive. I tried to hold on to him so bad, but I think my soul knew that his time was coming.

One day we will find our actual home away from this world.

Thank you so much for the kind words! That's so interesting, I kind of relate. I just don't know if I was meant to be on this Earth as a human. But the Earth has always been beautiful to me, I love the clouds and the stars. They do actually feel like home, but I guess maybe away from this planet. Definitely never felt at home with any human other than my boyfriend. I hope I'll be reunited with him soon as well, and that we can both be at home and at peace, well he already is but now hopefully my turn soon! Thanks again for the kind words, I really appreciate it!

you're welcome. it's the least I can do, these words. I believe in the kind of love you knew, it's not worth living without it, at least I couldn't, and the lack of it it ended me here on earth so I relate to your words. while it wasn't given to me, I gave it to many others. I did the best I could and what my heart dictated. I believe you two will be together again. love like that never dies. and while I don't think I will be reunited with anyone like you, no one ever loved me back that much, , I think whatever will be found might be okay too, I really hope anyway

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Yes absolutely. Even when I am at "home", as in at my house, I frequently find myself thinking "I want to go home". I am not really comfortable anywhere. I don't think I am meant to be human.

 

[terum2k]

Absolutely, I relate to that so much, doesn't matter that there really is no home, nothing ever really feels like home, yet I'm longing for that feeling of having arrived home...

 

[genie]

Have you heard of starseeds? They believe they are aliens but reborn on Earth. Take it with a pinch of salt, but worth looking in to.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Have you heard of starseeds? They believe they are aliens but reborn on Earth. Take it with a pinch of salt, but worth looking in to.

Yes, I'm actually very familiar with the term, and I follow the subreddit on Reddit. And I've made posts there and I actually identify as one. Thank you❤ I believe that I am a starseed.

 

[sadalways]

Pretty much yeah, i have autism too, i don't know if it's that but i don't feel like i belong in this earth. I can't make connections in real life due to anxiety, i can't find love, i don't know how to feel like others do, people don't seem to like me, overall i just don't feel normal at all or like i belong. I used to say "i wanna go home" as a joke but it's not even a joke anymore.