Anyone else embarrassed/ashamed of being mentally ill and/or on disability?

[longingforrelease]

I don't have much shame associated with the fact that I have mental illness (history of alcohol and drug addiction and bipolar). What I AM ashamed of are the simply unconscionable behaviors I engaged in because of those things. I've done terrible, unforgivable things that destroyed my life, my family, my career you name it. But to be honest, one of the things that sometimes helps me get over the shame, guilt, remorse etc. is the knowledge that I have mental illness. I can't use it as an excuse - not everyone with my conditions cheated on a loving wife with prostitutes -- but having learned about about BP-related hypersexuality helps me come to an understanding of how someone with the values I profess to to hold dear could violate them in such egregious ways.

 

[Dani Paradox]

I'm not ashamed of a goddamn thing. I was conned. Brainwashing. Psychological warfare. Manipulation of language and thought. Mind control. I was conned and experimented on like a lab rat. I haven't a damned thing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, and I love who I am. God knows I tried. I just want to die in peace.

 

[Volatile]

I'm not ashamed of a goddamn thing. I was conned. Brainwashing. Psychological warfare. Manipulation of language and thought. Mind control. I was conned and experimented on like a lab rat. I haven't a damned thing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, and I love who I am. God knows I tried. I just want to die in peace.

MK ultra?

 

[Dani Paradox]

MK ultra?

Actually, when researching I discovered that therapist-induced dissociative identity is an actual thing, and has roots going all the way back to MK Ultra. Believe it or not. Yeah it's interesting but when you're the one it happened to it's not so interesting anymore..

 

[azucaramargo]

Right? Lol! I really hate when people ask me what I do, this even comes from guys I see who pay me lol! Dude this is what I do, I don't feel capable of holding a normal job because I can't control my responses when I feel the rage come on in a work environment, or extreme frustration during the periods of idle time at many work places. I don't know how to manage the constant changes in moods and stuff. I can handle people for an hour at a time lol!

CareBear, I wish I had the honor of working with you. Anyone who gets to work with you is so fortunate.

 

[Baskol1]

Yes many people will shame you for not having a good career.

 

[sadsadinfp]

Not ashamed of being mentally ill, very ashamed of some of the stuff I've done, and not done, because I couldn't or wouldn't fix my mental illness.

 

[whyme1966]

It's just so sad what kind of situation we find ourselves in. When we are jobless and face innumerable setbacks such as health, homelessness, hunger, debt,, hell even the pursuit of happiness is lost in transition. Then when we have a job atleast according to me it's just as bad being forced to do something you don't like just to barely survive let alone thrive. It's just so pathetic how the human system has been rigged to the point of unnecessary suffering amounting to the millions perhaps billions of people forced to do shit they don't like and every lifer just goes along with the typical life script bullshit and taunts 'Welp that's just life' or 'It is what it is' as if those are justifiable answers. What's the point of trying when the harder you try the harder you fall?

I became homeless at 45 loosing the family home, was made homeless - had a husband who chucked me and left me completely to elements. I was reasonably able to get by then, now I am older, physically sicker and feel that my mental state is in serious trouble as I have no support system, no mental health benefits, look and feel completely nervous and awful. I am in utter terror of getting older, and loosing my marbles completely. This country (the world) covid problems have aplified the stigma of the mentally ill / homeless / gov assistance dwellers - to the point of us being treated as lepers. This is the precipice I am standing on now. So yes I want to much to live, but society doesnt have any place for me, so they should allow mentally ill people to legally choose to end their lives in a hospital (against the law to do if mentally ill PERIOD even if you have a terminal illness - talk about HELL) It is something that should be thought about and addressed because things may get alot worse out there. I live in a very dangerous urban area and could never survive on the street - not again, I think it would be merciful and a service to humanity to allow people like me to have the choice to be put down like an animal since I am treated like less than one
.

 

[Sinai Silence]

I wouldn't want to go around flaunting that I'm on PIP but I wouldnt say I'm ashamed of it. Gotta get that bread somehow right?
The mental illness on the other hand just sticks a label on me that puts me in the shitter of life. I don't want to experience adulthood like this, childhood was bad enough.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm ashamed of being mentally ill. I feel like I'm just being dramatic and whiny. I don't have any real problems. I often wonder if I manipulated professionals into diagnosing me. Especially the "severe" depression and cptsd. I don't feel like things are bad enough to warrant the diagnoses

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Idk, I guess in and of itself it's not too shameful. But I am really used to that kind of acceptance positivity recovery stuff, so I don't think it's inherently bad to be mentally ill since no one has any control over that. It's just something that happens.

Though it's already very shameful to admit my lack of accomplishments because of my mental illness. I cant imagine how much worse it'd get if I hit rock bottom and had to go on disability or stay in a hospital for a long time. I would feel like I failed at life completely.

In an ideal world I guess those circumstances wouldnt be so bad. You could live your days with sustenance, treatment, and just enjoy what you can with dignity. But in 2020 America, being unable to "contribute to society" is like the one case where a death sentence is given without a crime. I swear they do everything possible to make people feel bad for being sick, while at the same time making it very difficult for us to integrate into society and get the help we need.

 

[so tired or manic]

I get SSD. I qualified for SSI too, but make too much on SSD to get both. took 6 months to get accepted. no appeal. even got backpay for SSI even though they cancelled it directly after. never asked for the backpay back.

I guess I didn't realize how bad things had gotten until I hear how hard they make it to get disability and I was just me and got by quick without a fight.

sometimes it's hard to see just how much more difficult life is when you're the one living it.