Vertigo
Member
- Feb 2, 2020
- 26
Like spending all your savings and money at once on random stuff, binge eating and binge drinking everyday...
deck of cards
Member
- Feb 16, 2020
- 31
I have no money and freedom or I would. And if I had more freedom I would be dead by now.
Fragile
Broken
- Jul 7, 2019
- 1,496
yep, i've been binge drinking a lot recently, and i was clean for over a year.
both because i don't care anymore, and nothing else seems to take the pain away at this point.
both because i don't care anymore, and nothing else seems to take the pain away at this point.
Largeletters
Alone
- Jan 21, 2020
- 640
Definitely. Not money spending, but not caring about the future, not caring (or trying not to, anyway) about what I say to people even if I'm really mean.
We all die someday, if not CTB, so... why care?
We all die someday, if not CTB, so... why care?
Soul
gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
- Apr 12, 2019
- 4,704
Not so much anymore. I went on a bender once and then didn't kill myself and cleaning up all the messes I made was not much fun.
Suicide_vampire
In Vino Veritas
- Feb 11, 2020
- 426
Yeah I've done this on and off throughout my life, spending sprees, binge drinking, drugs, reckless driving, sex with random strangers etc
I drink in the evenings in the hope I will pass out and get some sleep. And hopefully shut out the dreams I get
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Gonna blow a thousand on shorting the market today. Don't give a shit if i lose it even though I have barely anything in my brokerage account. Don't give a shit if I gain anything, either.
issyishere
Goodnight and always remember that’s life
- Nov 5, 2019
- 441
I find it impossible to plan anything long term because I assume I'll be gone by then
mesohappy
Cat piss sammich??
- Jan 10, 2020
- 674
Worked my whole life in school, paid for my own college because my parents were worthless, just to get a decent job and have my health fail in an instant. If I'm not entitled to my own money at this juncture, I'm not entitled to anything. Can't pay my medical bills at this point, might as well ride the lightning before I go.
Jumper Geo
Life's a bitch and then you die.
- Feb 23, 2020
- 2,910
Yes I agree I will certainly leave my family money, mind you I will have two weeks of my favourite meals and lager.
flower
on the moon
- Feb 23, 2020
- 320
I've noticed more reckless spending recently since I don't have a future to save for. I don't have anyone depending on me financially but my mum will get a payout from my work anyway.
Yeah .. spending down to the last penny, not looking after anything, letting house go to rot and ruin, just making sure my arse is covered for a few days cos I won't be here after that, and then it seems a few more days and a few more days. Wish those few more days stopped coming round though. Currently waiting for more money to buy a mailbox to get sun delivered to so staying in hotel for a few more days as home is horrible and I don't want to be there. No one in it - totally empty and no one goes there but I cant Face being there alone so I'm hotel hopping until I ctb. Will have to be soon as not enough money for another month.
drivingaround
Member
- Feb 27, 2020
- 41
I don't really have any money to spend, but noticing my driving is very risky right now.
Halo13
Wizard
- May 9, 2019
- 671
This. So much this. I was very reckless when I was younger thinking it didn't matter because I'd be dead...then had several failures to ctb and had to deal with that on top of trying to put the pieces of my life back together just to keep a roof over my head. I think it is underestimated how much a failure to ctb can destroy someone's life trying to deal with the aftermath while still actively suicidal. Basic things like trying to keep a job, pay bills, friendships, family, relationships etc. I also learned the hard way if someone attempts to OD on pills or drugs as a ctb method, it will be notated in the medical file the patient cannot be trusted with controlled substances and/or has potential addiction issues - meaning getting anything like prescription controlled substance anxiety or sleep medications while in recovery or long term becomes nearly impossible (and later on in life). A red flag like that following someone around can also make it very difficult to even get pain medications if someone ends up with a serious injury, illness or chronic pain later on because future doctors will see it in the medical file then be concerned the patient could try to ctb again on benzodiazepines or opiates.
The closer I come to ctb, the less I care about anything wordly; it's quite liberating, actually. I have no interest in binge behavior or reckless escapades
To me, wanting things has always felt like tying millstones to my feet. The more I desired, the heavier the load I had to carry and the deeper my unhappiness.
Absence of all desire is a welcome side effect of ctb, in my case.
To me, wanting things has always felt like tying millstones to my feet. The more I desired, the heavier the load I had to carry and the deeper my unhappiness.
Absence of all desire is a welcome side effect of ctb, in my case.
KiraComplex
sugar, spice…
- Aug 31, 2019
- 268
Jumper Geo
Life's a bitch and then you die.
- Feb 23, 2020
- 2,910
Sorry to hear your story, loneliness is a killer, many years ago I think people were friendlier now they are frightened to look at you, have you decided on a method to ctb.
Best wishes Geo
I'm aiming for the sn but I have to set up a mailbox for it to be delivered to
sadbunny
Experienced
- Jun 7, 2019
- 249
Actually, I found myself doing the opposite. Like the clock was ticking, and I still I had so many books I wanted to read, so I hurried up and read a bunch. I also bought clothes and nice shoes that I normally would have felt buyers remorse about. Eating food like there was no tomorrow was about the most reckless thing I had done.
Jumper Geo
Life's a bitch and then you die.
- Feb 23, 2020
- 2,910
Not necessarily about ctb but hopelessness in general. Like my life will never get better because of the decsions I've made so who gives a fuck if i drink and drive or drink on the job. Lost all of my income and housing because of it but i don't give a fuck. I continue to do horrible things and treat people like shit.
TheEndof
It's getting dark and it's getting cold
- Dec 31, 2019
- 146
Yeah I find myself thinking, "why bother?" Seriously, what's the point? It's a little dangerous but often just ends with me not doing something inconsequential.
SuicideBoys93
I am the lord of loneliness.
- Feb 10, 2020
- 324
I was sober from alcohol for a hot minute. Me and the wife hit really rocky waters while she was away working for a extending period of time. I'd blackout every single night because I just didn't want to deal with it. I was extremely suicidal at the time. Worse than I am now. I look back, and honestly surprised I'm still here. A few months ago I had a slight relapse. Didn't drink for a long time once again. Me, and the wife got into it bad I killed an entire handle of vodka. Couldn't stop puking in the yard. Passed out in the floor. Honestly wish I just died that night. She called a friend and I told him my goal was to die. That if this didn't do it, I'm sitting in the garage with the car on. Cat was out the bag on how I've been trying to deal with this shit.
I will piss my boss' office the day I ctb
br0kenMIND72
Feeling dead since childhood
- Jan 25, 2020
- 22
When I began to have suicide thoughts I tried to do something called "Damage Control" I mean, whole my life I was like a ghost to everyone I met and maybe being reckless is not my thing. For me being "reckless" would be making good friends or even girlfriend and then ctb and I tried to avoid that.
Majin K.
too weak for this world
- Jan 9, 2020
- 232
Ironically enough I burned like 2000€ on expensive Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Call me crazy, but I want shiny and pretty cardboard before I die.
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