In my life, I have had a lot of bad things happen and a lot of disappointments and derailments in my life, I'm not going to really bother going into them because that's just a pity party for me.
But i have endured everything, compromised and persevered and made reasonable decisions and kept chugging along because my one last dream was motherhood, specifically to have a daughter. Again, there is a long explanation for this involving an ancestral connection to Mitochondrial Eve and feeling a duty to maintain this unbroken chain, but this is a ctb forum, not a science-as-spirituality forum hehe
But I am now 38 and I am facing secondary infertility. We have been trying 2 years, I have gone through 3 rounds of IVF, had multiple miscarriages (all daughters), and spent tens of thousands of dollars so our savings are almost completely depleted. There is no explanation for our infertility, so it's just a mystery why I keep losing these babies.
But I'm falling into despair. If I don't have my daughter, I have failed my mother and my mother's mother and every woman who has come before me. And I have lived my life by the book, making the right choices every step of the way, I married a good boy (even though I am queer, I focused on men because I thought that would be more convenient for making babies), I got degrees in reasonable, profitable fields, I chose a boring steady job, got a boring steady husband, never partied or did drugs, never did anything that could compromise my ability to be a mother one day. I even humored and respected my husband when he wanted to delay a second child because he wanted to make sure that we were perfectly financially able to have the kid... Even though I felt my clock ticking, and now, I'm unable to have that child that I have needed so badly.
On paper, my life sounds fine, I have a house, I have a spouse, I have a job that pays well and I do have a son. But I have given up on so many dreams and endured many traumas and disappointments in my life, a daughter was the one thing that has kept me going.
And now that I am facing not having that one thing I clung to, I really feel like I have wasted my entire life and failed my ancestors in the process. Like a video game that is getting too frustrating and disappointing, I just want to turn it off and not see it through the rest of the level.
Is anybody else dealing with the heartbreak of not having the children that they need?
But i have endured everything, compromised and persevered and made reasonable decisions and kept chugging along because my one last dream was motherhood, specifically to have a daughter. Again, there is a long explanation for this involving an ancestral connection to Mitochondrial Eve and feeling a duty to maintain this unbroken chain, but this is a ctb forum, not a science-as-spirituality forum hehe
But I am now 38 and I am facing secondary infertility. We have been trying 2 years, I have gone through 3 rounds of IVF, had multiple miscarriages (all daughters), and spent tens of thousands of dollars so our savings are almost completely depleted. There is no explanation for our infertility, so it's just a mystery why I keep losing these babies.
But I'm falling into despair. If I don't have my daughter, I have failed my mother and my mother's mother and every woman who has come before me. And I have lived my life by the book, making the right choices every step of the way, I married a good boy (even though I am queer, I focused on men because I thought that would be more convenient for making babies), I got degrees in reasonable, profitable fields, I chose a boring steady job, got a boring steady husband, never partied or did drugs, never did anything that could compromise my ability to be a mother one day. I even humored and respected my husband when he wanted to delay a second child because he wanted to make sure that we were perfectly financially able to have the kid... Even though I felt my clock ticking, and now, I'm unable to have that child that I have needed so badly.
On paper, my life sounds fine, I have a house, I have a spouse, I have a job that pays well and I do have a son. But I have given up on so many dreams and endured many traumas and disappointments in my life, a daughter was the one thing that has kept me going.
And now that I am facing not having that one thing I clung to, I really feel like I have wasted my entire life and failed my ancestors in the process. Like a video game that is getting too frustrating and disappointing, I just want to turn it off and not see it through the rest of the level.
Is anybody else dealing with the heartbreak of not having the children that they need?
