Anyone else feeling like it's too hard to continue after a miscarriage or loss of a child. I recently got pregnant after many years of trying only to have it end abruptly. The pain is so great I don't believe I can continue. I talked with my husband about it and he said he didn't care what I did.
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forgotten15
Specialist
- Aug 24, 2021
- 332
I am so sorry you are suffering, i cannot imagine how devastated you are. But please don't take into consideration your husbands reaction, if he is not there to support you and encourage you to overcome this hard period you should ignore what he says. Please take care, time will help you heal.
Whale_bones
A gift to summon the spring
- Feb 11, 2020
- 474
Miscarriage is still really stigmatized in many societies, even though it's hard enough to grieve the loss of a pregnancy without the added stigma. We're pressured to just keep it quiet, but you need to be allowed to talk about it and grieve in the ways that are right for you. What your husband said is awful, he should be giving you the support and comfort you need right now. He is going through his own loss, but that is no excuse to be so cruel and callous towards you.
Makko
Iä!
- Jan 17, 2021
- 2,430
A close colleague's wife had two miscarriages and it drove her insane. Her personality changed, she started self-harming, doing drugs, cheating on him, disappearing without notice for weeks, quit her job, cut contact with best friends etc. They looked like the most solid/stable couple ever before this and now their marriage (and her life) is a burning ruin. I'm not sure if she attempted suicide but I doubt the thought hasn't visited her. Once something is wrong with the body it drags the mind down with it really fast, like being tied to a rock. Your thoughts are understandable.
Pure
Specialist
- Jun 29, 2021
- 366
I'm so sorry for your loss. Have you found groups centered around miscarriage loss?
Also if that's your husband's response to something this traumatic I feel comfortable saying he may not deserve to be in your life.
I haven't reached out yet. The pregnancy ended just recently. I've thought about it though, but just too hard right now. My husband isn't much of a talker and I don't think it was real to him maybe. He says no need to discuss bc we can't do anything. He's frustrated with me bc I can't just let it go. But this was probably the only baby I will ever have had. It just feels like getting stabbed over and over again in my heart. Thanks for your kind words.
Pure
Specialist
- Jun 29, 2021
- 366
I understand. It's still very important to connect with fellow women who've gone through this sort of trauma as soon as possible so you know you are not alone in your struggles. As for your husband, I understand that a wanted pregnancy loss is traumatic to fathers but it's still necessary for them to understand that at the end of the day, /you're/ the one who lost the pregnancy and your body, hormones, and mental state will be the one impacted by it so it's very repulsive that he's treating you this way.
Apricity
Wizard
- Jul 27, 2021
- 642
My wife and I had a situation similar to yours. We were trying for years and she finally got pregnant, but miscarried about 10 weeks in. It was very rough on both of us, and I understand what you're going through. Granted, I'm male so it wasn't as hard on me as it was on my wife, but I could see her pain.
As painful as this is, I think you should wait a while and allow yourself to grieve properly before making any final decisions. Your husband said something pretty shitty to you, but there's a decent chance that he didn't mean it, and just said it out of grief. It doesn't make it okay, but you shouldn't take that as his "permission".
ChobaniFlipSmores
Hakuna matata?
- Jul 28, 2021
- 174
First off, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine your heartbreak.
Now...holy shit, your husband said he doesn't care what you do? I know we are all sort of pro choice here, but that's really messed up. Your husband is your LIFE partner who you should be able to trust to accept you with unlimited grace and understanding. I mean, I guess that includes suicide, but where's the support and understanding that the miscarriage is not your fault.
Now...holy shit, your husband said he doesn't care what you do? I know we are all sort of pro choice here, but that's really messed up. Your husband is your LIFE partner who you should be able to trust to accept you with unlimited grace and understanding. I mean, I guess that includes suicide, but where's the support and understanding that the miscarriage is not your fault.
Makko
Iä!
- Jan 17, 2021
- 2,430
That's too tall an order. Human faculties fall far short of unlimited grace and understanding. Sometimes the most you can do for someone else is simply not getting in the way. That being said, he could have been a lot more diplomatic about it.
Thank you apricity for sharing. I've really found more support on this site then anywhere else I've looked which is so so surprising and honestly helpful. I agree with you and I'm so sorry you had to go through something similar. We have alot of important plans coming up over next 2 months so I plan to give myself some time without pushing myself in any 1 direction too soon. But the pain is so raw and unbearable. Thanks for sharing ❤
Thanks chobani. I told him I didn't think I could continue and might be ending things. I explained to him I printed directions to our life insurance (which is a very large sum) and what he needs to do in case. He isn't blaming me, but wants to pretend it never happened which I cannot do. He is def not as affected as I am. I feel very very alone.
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ChobaniFlipSmores
Hakuna matata?
- Jul 28, 2021
- 174
A lot, if not most, of us are here because we feel like we are alone in the world and there is no other option for us. That feeling of utter hopelessness just sucks.
Have you considered couples therapy? I'm kind of split if individual therapy is actually helping me with my depression, but couples therapy was absolutely amazing. It doesn't sound like you two "dislike" each other. You just experienced an incredibly traumatic event and having an unbiased outside person to help guide communication might be beneficial.
It sounds like your husband isn't "listening" to what you are saying. Couples therapy definitely helped me to learn how to "listen"
Have you considered couples therapy? I'm kind of split if individual therapy is actually helping me with my depression, but couples therapy was absolutely amazing. It doesn't sound like you two "dislike" each other. You just experienced an incredibly traumatic event and having an unbiased outside person to help guide communication might be beneficial.
It sounds like your husband isn't "listening" to what you are saying. Couples therapy definitely helped me to learn how to "listen"
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Kyrok
Paragon
- Nov 6, 2018
- 970
Please don't take this the wrong way, but 1/3 of all pregnancies end in miscarriages. Before modern medicine, they estimate half or more.
This doesn't speak to your own personal circumstances, but knowing the statistics might help. Biology is very far from perfect. A successful pregnancy requires countless physiological events to work out with near perfection.
From genetic problems with sperm or egg to hormones to placental structure, so much can go wrong. We're at the mercy of a merciless nature.
This doesn't speak to your own personal circumstances, but knowing the statistics might help. Biology is very far from perfect. A successful pregnancy requires countless physiological events to work out with near perfection.
From genetic problems with sperm or egg to hormones to placental structure, so much can go wrong. We're at the mercy of a merciless nature.
Sounds like he'd be a total shit father. The sort that leaves all the work and responsibilities on you.
I'm scared
Member
- Feb 16, 2021
- 58
I understand ,am so sorry you are going through this pain.I had two miscarriages close together in 2004+2005..The first was the biggest shock I still have the scan pic after he died,I can't open it even now all these years later..No matter what stage of pregnancy a loss is a loss .The father offered no support ,I coped by over exercising after I ripped the hell out of my chest with my nails.
You say probably the only baby ? Maybe not
Let your feelings out any way you can..Again sorry you have to feel this pain
