Discussion Anyone else afraid of being a vegetable or permanently disabled because of their ctb attempt?

[adoringmydarling]

The only thing keeping me from suicide is that I might be left with permanent brain damage that makes me disabled. Truly the fate of my worst nightmares

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, it scares the shit out of me.

 

[dragonofenvy]

It is my absolute worst fear. Especially the thought of not only being a vegetable but still retaining the consciousness I have right now. That's stopped me on several of my attempts.

 

[zekeyaeger]

Yeah that is why I seeked methods that have low to no risk of that.

 

[TheHolySword]

Absolutely. If it wipes out my cognitive function though and I'm not in mental anguish anymore and I just exist daily without issue or awareness then I don't really care lol. But it terrifies that trying to escape might mean permanent failure and a lifetime of horror. I just have to take the chance, trust the option that seems to me to be one of the less risky ones, and try to find my freedom and peace.

 

[brickedup]

nah cause ts is literally one of my biggest fears. and like what if i'm paralyzed and can't talk either?? the possibility scares me sm

 

[HereTomorrow]

Since I'm choosing hanging, this has always been in my mind. It's what makes me careful about not doing anything impulsively and sticking with a plan I know I will be alone for hours. The fear makes me more prepared.

 

[adoringmydarling]

Yeah that is why I seeked methods that have low to no risk of that.

What methods do you have in mind?

nah cause ts is literally one of my biggest fears. and like what if i'm paralyzed and can't talk either?? the possibility scares me sm

and now I'm a burden and can't physically try again. Horrible. I get you

Since I'm choosing hanging, this has always been in my mind. It's what makes me careful about not doing anything impulsively and sticking with a plan I know I will be alone for hours. The fear makes me more prepared.

I admire your diligence. Hope you find success!

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

Waking up paralyzed or with some other horrible disability is my biggest nightmare. I keep trying to come up with ways to avoid it, like CTB in a boat with a timed explosive in the hull so I'd drown even if the primary CTB method failed.

 

[shrizoid]

The only thing keeping me from suicide is that I might be left with permanent brain damage that makes me disabled. Truly the fate of my worst nightmares

Yes

 

[Wrath]

This is going to sound weird, but I alleviated some of this fear by [poorly] attempting to lucid dream, disassociate, and more disassociation. I'm already good at wasting my whole day anyways lol. My thoughts are that if I get stuck here, then I can attempt to create my own world in my head as I always have, but live inside it. So I will not suffer. Can't suffer if I'm too mentally impaired to be aware. Can't suffer if I can just escape to dreams in my head. I wonder if there is a way to kill myself inside of my dreams, or permanently enact sleep. I hope.

 

[Leichter Kampfwagen]

It's the only reason that high powered shotgun is still an option I'm considering. Atomize my skull. Pretty hard to survive without a head

I feel like with SN you could survive with serious organ damage and with inert gas something could get dislodged and you end up with brain damage from oxygen deprivation. My biggest fear is attempting and not being able to attempt again.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

I don't fear becoming a vegetable, strangely. I'm already disabled, and I'm barely able to feed myself and function daily. Aside from having to be force fed meals and needing help to do even more basic tasks, I don't think my life would change that much, for better or worse.

 

[charaunderground]

Less worried about being "a vegetable", because if I'm unaware and can feel nothing, it's all but being dead anyways. My main fear is I "survive" but have lasting damage, but it's not severe enough to totally take me out mentally if I do live. Facing other people is the main anxiety to me.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I'm afraid I'd lose my nerve and call for help, I wish N was available since it's reliable and fast-acting..

 

[rotten]

Yes, it's sounds horrible. My method is partial so unfortunately that's a big possibility for me. The last thing I want are these assholes keeping me alive while I'm trapped in my own body.

 

[LittleJem]

I feel like a vegetable already. Not out of bed, it's after 1 PM. No interest in getting out of bed. Not eating. Don't know what to do.

I get that the vegetable state you are all talking about is more than this. I wonder if it is better than this.

 

[FuneralCry]

That is exactly what I fear, it's just so horrific to me how trying to die can go wrong and lead to way worse agony, it truly terrifies me how there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer as long as they are enslaved in this existence, it's just so cruel and horrible to me how I cannot just have the option to die in a guaranteed way with no risks of ending up trapped in a situation of way worse torture. I suffer so much from how I cannot just have that as I find it deeply undesirable to exist and I'd always prefer to die than suffer for the sake of it in this futile, torturous existence just to die in agony from old age, nothing would make me wish for any or this, non-existence is all I hope for but more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, human existence truly does feel like a terrible, tragic mistake to me personally, I wish I was never forced to exist in this reality where there is all this terrible suffering and cruelty.

 

[sleepforever81]

I ended up with brain damage, eyesight, hearing and speak damage. Also loss of sensations on right side due to the brain damage, no long term memories, massive short term memory problems. I will be on a catheter for the rest of my life and cannot go to a number 2 without prescription grade laxatives as iv lost all sensations down there. I only survived as I was resuscitated.
Method I used was a staggering amount of amitriptyline and super strong sleeping tablets.

 

[Red Moon]

Yes, that makes me anxious of being paralyzed/vegetable if it fails. I'm going to hang and I've heard that it can fail. That's preventing me from going through with it right now.

 

[sleepforever81]

Yes, that makes me anxious of being paralyzed/vegetable if it fails. I'm going to hang and I've heard that it can fail. That's preventing me from going through with it right now.

That's why I haven't tried since, more life long medical problems if I survive again.

 

[Autumn_Stars]

I am going to get naked and wet and drunk in the 8 degree temperature tonight but I will probably lose toes. I have no SN source.

 

[CatLvr]

The older I get the less I fear it. Because I have all the paperwork in place to keep the medical establishment from using extraordinary measures to keep me here. Also, my son is aware of my wishes (not my suicidal ideations) to not be kept here artificially and he is of the same bent -- he promises me he will make sure they let me go when it is time. God, I love that kid -- he is the only person on the planet who has ever told me he loves me and means it. Ok, well, now his girlfriend. I feel like she means well by me also. It is really strange having someone in your life who actually means it when they say they love you. But I could get used to it.

 

[Shunya]

I'm afraid of becoming more of a burden upon my family. I'm already helpless and to spend the rest of my life even more so is what's kept me alive thus far. I was about to catch the bus a few days ago but was stopped. A person who never knew I was suicidal and thought we'd be seeing each other again in a few months, now know everything that I'd kept from him. I've made my window of death even smaller. Funny though how he seemed to care much more than my family.