Discussion Anyone clocked out months ago?

[deathgripsme]

Don't know about you but I clocked out months ago, now it's as if i'm just on autopilot.

 

[Shadowplay]

Yeah I kinda have. I made a post the other week about just running down the clock; you seem like you're in the same place. I feel I've accepted my death; hopefully overcoming my SI. I just need some N. Better get on that.

 

[needingpeace24]

In a way I have. Going through the motions, sure, but in my head it's like a storm. It's so hard to focus I can't really even watch a movie.

 

[deathgripsme]

Yeah I kinda have. I made a post the other week about just running down the clock; you seem like you're in the same place. I feel I've accepted my death; hopefully overcoming my SI. I just need some N. Better get on that.

After i got all my SN stuff ive felt so much better anxiety so much lower!
Btw I love your name is it reference to a Joy Division song by any chance?

 

[Shadowplay]

After i got all my SN stuff ive felt so much better anxiety so much lower!
Btw I love your name is it reference to a Joy Division song by any chance?

Yeah I can only imagine.

Indeed it is - it is not my fave Joy Division song, but just thought a gravy name. I'm thinking of buying a CD copy of 'The Idiot' by Iggy Pop to leave on my turntable as a kind of easter egg (if you know you know).

 

[ClownMe]

I know that feeling, I lost all hope a few months ago and now im pretty much just a walking corpse who is forced to fake smile when out in public.

 

[deathgripsme]

Yeah I can only imagine.

Indeed it is - it is not my fave Joy Division song, but just thought a gravy name. I'm thinking of buying a CD copy of 'The Idiot' by Iggy Pop to leave on my turntable as a kind of easter egg (if you know you know).

Yes yes I know.
I was going to name my account on here
Newdawnfades it was the JD song John Peel played on the radio when the news of Ian's passing happened.

I know that feeling, I lost all hope a few months ago and now im pretty much just a walking corpse who is forced to fake smile when out in public.

I'm taking medication and going to counselling meetings only to appear that i'm "getting better" truth is I have Sodium Nitrite under my bed waiting to be used

 

[DoodleBug]

A huge part of me has definitely gotten buried under a white flag. I just go to work, eat, shit, force myself to maybe find a mild sense of moderate enjoyment (that ive been hardly capable of for ages now) and try to fall asleep before another day of endless toil.

I can hardly focus on anything at all and my brain is swarmed with disgust towards the world and myself. I tell my close ones that im doing good and am getting better but nothing else awaits me other than deterioration of mind and body. There seems to be no me within, any semblance of it has evaporated before i even got to know it.

All in all, im already dead, but one Has to keep up with the societal mask + mom will be sad xddddd

 

[deathgripsme]

A huge part of me has definitely gotten buried under a white flag. I just go to work, eat, shit, force myself to maybe find a mild sense of moderate enjoyment (that ive been hardly capable of for ages now) and try to fall asleep before another day of endless toil.

I can hardly focus on anything at all and my brain is swarmed with disgust towards the world and myself. I tell my close ones that im doing good and am getting better but nothing else awaits me other than deterioration of mind and body. There seems to be no me within, any semblance of it has evaporated before i even got to know it.

All in all, im already dead, but one Has to keep up with the societal mask + mom will be sad xddddd

Im in the same boat. Also about my parents being sad. Im thinking of just getting a train like 4 hours away and committing suicide in a hotel so they won't have to see my corpse but with the hint of another fucking lockdown that would probably hinder my plans.

 

[DoodleBug]

Im in the same boat. Also about my parents being sad. Im thinking of just getting a train like 4 hours away and committing suicide in a hotel so they won't have to see my corpse but with the hint of another fucking lockdown that would probably hinder my plans.

I had something similar in mind some time ago. The plan was to pile up as much drugs of choice as possible and retreat to my favorite city. The logistics were all planned, but I was not sure if the hedonism part wasn't too much of an overkill. I'm still sleeping on that idea, yet I want to be anonymous enough so my identity won't be found. I even thought about completely changing my appearance and life story when I get there, cause why not. A loud week or two before the final hour seems like such an overdramatization.

Yet the vey thought of my parents' reaction, despite our somewhat strained relationship, is one of the very few factors for why I'm still here.

After i got all my SN stuff ive felt so much better anxiety so much lower!
Btw I love your name is it reference to a Joy Division song by any chance?

I've felt like it too after getting my SN in May last year. Didn't go through with it and it was the beginning of the worst 3 months of my life, lmao.

Joy Division slaps, tho.

 

[FuneralCry]

I died a long time ago, I do not live, I just exist. Every day is just misery and dread. I want nothing to do with this life, suicide is all there is for me. Death comforts me and it is the only thing I look forward to, as then I will be at peace.

 

[deathgripsme]

I had something similar in mind some time ago. The plan was to pile up as much drugs of choice as possible and retreat to my favorite city. The logistics were all planned, but I was not sure if the hedonism part wasn't too much of an overkill. I'm still sleeping on that idea, yet I want to be anonymous enough so my identity won't be found. I even thought about completely changing my appearance and life story when I get there, cause why not. A loud week or two before the final hour seems like such an overdramatization.

Yet the vey thought of my parents' reaction, despite our somewhat strained relationship, is one of the very few factors for why I'm still here.



I've felt like it too after getting my SN in May last year. Didn't go through with it and it was the beginning of the worst 3 months of my life, lmao.

Joy Division slaps, tho.

Im planning on listening to Unknown Pleasures and Closer back to back moments before I die. Whenever that is.

I died a long time ago, I do not live, I just exist. Every day is just misery and dread. I want nothing to do with this life, suicide is all there is for me. Death comforts me and it is the only thing I look forward to, as then I will be at peace.

I'm sorry you're in a similar situation, it's a horrible place to be in and ofcourse no matter how much "talking helps" gets suggested we know we can never make outsiders ever fully understand. It's a very lonely place. I wish you peace whether you go this route or manage to give life a go. You deserve it friend

 

[chocolatebar]

All in all, im already dead, but one Has to keep up with the societal mask + mom will be sad xddddd

I died a long time ago, I do not live, I just exist. Every day is just misery and dread. I want nothing to do with this life, suicide is all there is for me. Death comforts me and it is the only thing I look forward to, as then I will be at peace.

I feel the same. I died long ago, around 2010 or so. Since then, I have been existing in a despicable way. In the last months I've been trying to do some things and live a little, but it's not the same and will never be. What is lost is lost.
Can't believe I reached so far... I'm older than most people around here...

 

[Nolife33]

I forget to clock in lol

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

Years ago truly.

 

[rationaltake]

Years ago truly.

Me too.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Walking dead

 

[Shadowplay]

Yes yes I know.
I was going to name my account on here
Newdawnfades it was the JD song John Peel played on the radio when the news of Ian's passing happened.

I'm taking medication and going to counselling meetings only to appear that i'm "getting better" truth is I have Sodium Nitrite under my bed waiting to be used

Nice. I did not know that was a the song been chatting JD with a younger friend getting into them which is great. I now have my N. and ordered my copy of 'The Idiot' on CD (my copy is packed away at my parents). No more work just copium.

 

[Lost Magic]

My life was never great to begin with but the older I got, the more I lost, and my dreams have shattered into a million fragments. In a way I don't want anything to get better because it would just be a temporary fix. I am done with this fake world. By the way please don't be too hard on yourselves in this life. Society and the way it is structured has caused most of human suffering. It just isn't fair to lay the blame squarely on ourselves. It's just a shit world with a lot of shitty people. I can't wait to cash out.