Help anyone change their mind about ctb every 10 minutes?

[RickSanchez2022]

ctbing is pretty much all I think about. Yes. No. Yes. No. I hate my life situation. I don't enjoy anything. I barely get out of bed. I don't want to deal with reality. I keep imagining how I mix the sn with water and drink it. I don't know if I'll ever have the courage. I keep browsing ss as if that's going to help me decide. I'm tired of therapy. I hate everything.
Anyone else have a problem deciding? How do you decide?

 

[toasterbath]

i'm in the same spot. just stuck in limbo. i also daydream about drinking SN. im like 99% sure my life isn't going to get any better but i still can't bring myself to ctb. SI is a motherfucker

 

[LaughToNotCry]

I personally think that when you are ready to ctb, you kinda feel it and everything will go smooth without any bullshit going through your mind.
I'd rather wait and leave this world in a full sense of peace, than force something before I'm ready.

"Remember that the door is open. Don't be more cowardly than children, but just as they say, when the game is no longer fun for them, 'I won't play any more,' you too, when things seem that way to you, say, 'I won't play any more,' and leave, but if you remain, don't complain." (Discourses I.24.20)

 

[AloneInCollege]

Yes and no. Basically every week I think about it like 7 or 8 times, switching between I should do it very soon or later or maybe that things will get better. But even since I was little I've had this weird sense that, when I die, it will be by my own hand.

 

[Jalapeno26]

Think about it almost constantly, just have no idea when it will be or how.

 

[RickSanchez2022]

Once again. I fasted all day preparing for sn. I have sn, Valium domperidone. I have 2 more hours to decide. And I can't decide.

 

[suicidalpushpop]

i struggle with this too.

 

[RickSanchez2022]

i struggle with this too.

For how long you've been struggling?

 

[Sick of it all]

I totally feel this. I struggle with this too.

 

[RickSanchez2022]

I totally feel this. I struggle with this too.

For how long you've been struggling?

 

[suicidalpushpop]

For how long you've been struggling?

years..

 

[Sick of it all]

For how long you've been struggling?

For many years it seems. Lately it has been stronger. I've slowly been throwing stuff away in case I do decide to go, less for my loved ones to deal with once I'm gone.

 

[RickSanchez2022]

I chickened out again . I hope one day soon I'll get the courage