What do you mean you don't trust tor? Using tor is an essential part of navigating the dark net.
You need to read the
DNM Bible and know basic OPSEC before you go buying drugs on the dark net. You can't be lazy about it either. It will take like two weeks before you can safely navigate it. I know it's hard to want to learn new things if your depressed and suicidal, but you can't expect to be spoonfed. Read and take notes.
Link is in the FAQ section:
https://www.reddit.com/r/darknet/wiki/index/faq/