Anybody feel like you don’t want to fix your life anymore

[Final Escape]

There are people who want to see me fix my life and improve but I feel too far gone. The patterns are so deep and entrenched. I feel so broken and unable to make any lasting change. I hope I can get my ctb right at least. I feel a weird peace that's coming on about it. Where I have nothing left that's holding me back. There was for awhile, this guy I liked but even he wasn't enough to inspire any lasting change. I know change comes from inside but what if there's nothing inside? Lol! I'm a hollow shell.

 

[Aeathelina]

I can relate a lot. Somewhere down the line of life my bad habits became so entrenched inside my heart/mind that its become who I am. And because of the negative effects those habits, my life is now do fucked up but I don't have the energy to undue it. I've settled on death being my freedom from the chaos.

 

[BFishy]

I feel like my life isn't worth fixing. I am messed up in so many ways that it seems pointless. Why stick around for more hurt and agony?
Loneliness is a mean bitch. She stomps you into the ground and comes back, pulls you out and starts all over.
Sorry, rant over.

 

[Livinginhell]

I'm afraid I'm too broken to be fixed, there's too much to mend and I don't have the energy. There is nothing to keep me on this planet anyway and I've done living, don't like it, so might as well try dead. So yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

 

[BFishy]

It is nice to be able to talk to like minded people. It sucks when you get that "just think happy thoughts" bullshit. It's like, if I could think happy thoughts I wouldn't be depressed or have my bus ticket and be ready to board at any minute.
I'd send a hug back GinaIsready but my hug emoji has disappeared. Thankyou

 

[Flash]

Personally, I think if it's broken you throw it out. Well that was what I was taught.

But nothing screws me more than trying to solve the puzzle in a riddle and I don't mean crosswords.

Important things, things that matter to us, part of us that is mendable, and part of us there are not.


Permission to speak freely.

Granted


Ok. let's start with the basics the basic principles of why we are here on this planet. Regardless of what was being taught in schools, television videos, media regardless of what we've been taught. We are extremely sensitive people/beings.

Some of us don't know which direction we're headed and we end up back here. Some of us do have direction family loved ones etc.,. And still end up here.

The only question you need an answer for is how our engineers got us this far.

I can't hot link or I'll get banned so this is entirely up to you.

To hate and learn to love. I was, am and probably go through the situation of a major change that could affect many people.

Go right now and bookmark on YouTube
The Art of War, by Sun Tzu
(try and get the one with the female voice. There's a reason why all GPS units come standard with a female voice. You can research that in the your not learning time)

Listen to it over a course of six months until you reach a level of enlightenment. You will know when you get there. each time you listen to it will be a tightly different experience and that I can promise you to become more than you expected. It's ok to do your normal routine, just as long as you listen to it in the background. I highly recommend it when you're not fearless.

You asked us if we don't so and so not bothering to mend our lives because in my understanding you have reached a crossroad.

I liked your humour about the hollow shell. Allow the teachings to be genuine, allow the teachings to be unique. You have no idea of what you're capable of. Yet.

If you are among the very few that have read the book by the same name, please do test me, for I know now that it's all in my head. A true battlefield. Or is it?

Sun Tzu has thought me my true value of life and death.

 

[TAW122]

I feel similar too. I've pretty much accepted that I will CTB sometime in my life, very very likely in late 2020. I'm only keeping a front and a mask just so I can prepare myself for when it happens and maybe enjoy some scraps of life before I check out. Also another thing by trying and maintaining a front is just to keep others from intervention and stopping me from going to CTB. The last thing I need is some stupid pro-lifer(s) violating my freedom of choice just so he/she/they can feel like some hero. So until then, I'm laying low, finishing what I have IRL, coping until the time (and circumstance) comes then checking out asap.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I can relate a lot. Somewhere down the line of life my bad habits became so entrenched inside my heart/mind that its become who I am. And because of the negative effects those habits, my life is now do fucked up but I don't have the energy to undue it. I've settled on death being my freedom from the chaos.

Same here

 

[Dead.Marilyn.Sad]

There are people who want to see me fix my life and improve but I feel too far gone. The patterns are so deep and entrenched. I feel so broken and unable to make any lasting change. I hope I can get my ctb right at least. I feel a weird peace that's coming on about it. Where I have nothing left that's holding me back. There was for awhile, this guy I liked but even he wasn't enough to inspire any lasting change. I know change comes from inside but what if there's nothing inside? Lol! I'm a hollow shell.

I'm in the same boat

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Yeah, I feel mildly less shit lately, but I crossed the Despair Event Horizon, so I'm not going to fix things.

Junk food, booze and lead poisoning is my plan for the future.

 

[StillWaiting]

I don't think anything can fix it but I still want to get some things done on my to do list before leaving

 

[Final Escape]

Personally, I think if it's broken you throw it out. Well that was what I was taught.

But nothing screws me more than trying to solve the puzzle in a riddle and I don't mean crosswords.

Important things, things that matter to us, part of us that is mendable, and part of us there are not.


Permission to speak freely.

Granted


Ok. let's start with the basics the basic principles of why we are here on this planet. Regardless of what was being taught in schools, television videos, media regardless of what we've been taught. We are extremely sensitive people/beings.

Some of us don't know which direction we're headed and we end up back here. Some of us do have direction family loved ones etc.,. And still end up here.

The only question you need an answer for is how our engineers got us this far.

I can't hot link or I'll get banned so this is entirely up to you.

To hate and learn to love. I was, am and probably go through the situation of a major change that could affect many people.

Go right now and bookmark on YouTube
The Art of War, by Sun Tzu
(try and get the one with the female voice. There's a reason why all GPS units come standard with a female voice. You can research that in the your not learning time)

Listen to it over a course of six months until you reach a level of enlightenment. You will know when you get there. each time you listen to it will be a tightly different experience and that I can promise you to become more than you expected. It's ok to do your normal routine, just as long as you listen to it in the background. I highly recommend it when you're not fearless.

You asked us if we don't so and so not bothering to mend our lives because in my understanding you have reached a crossroad.

I liked your humour about the hollow shell. Allow the teachings to be genuine, allow the teachings to be unique. You have no idea of what you're capable of. Yet.

If you are among the very few that have read the book by the same name, please do test me, for I know now that it's all in my head. A true battlefield. Or is it?

Sun Tzu has thought me my true value of life and death.

☮

Interesting I'll look into this thank u

 

[Deleted member 1465]

The Art of War, by Sun Tzu

I am currently reading and re-reading this again. I recommend it. Might take awhile to get your head around it and apply it to modern life, but it's definitely worth a read.

 

[Plainjane]

What if the past things which we've done is unforgivable and too far gone to make amendments. No turning back in time to fix them.

 

[Dead Horse]

Not that I don't want to, but I don't have the energy to even try. My mental health problems and my inability to control them have caused other very real problems, and at this point I consider myself unfixable.

I'm so far behind, I sometimes feel like a baby who was left alone without any stimulation for decades, and now it's expected of him to just continue from the age he is now. It wouldn't be possible. If not for my nonexistent figurative balls and my parents, I wouldn't be here.

 

[LavenderBae]

I've been trying for so long, I just don't want to anymore. I'm tired. That should be okay.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I thought about it a lot and realized that it's not worth it for me. There's no coming back from what I've been through. I don't care anymore.

 

[BabyYoda]

Eh, I guess whatever happens happens. There are times where recovery is out of my control.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I can relate. I didn't really want to get better at the time, recovery was sort of forced on me and while I do feel better I also feel lost. I had no plans beyond my ctb date and have no direction really. I miss feeling suicidal a lot of the time and I try and dig deep to find it again, but I can't and it's frustrating.

 

[ladolcemorte]

My therapist keeps going on about creating a "'life worth living", but the thing is, I have made too many irreparable mistakes to ever have a "life worth living". I feel like it is just too late for me. Even assuming that therapy could turn things around, I have nothing to go back to.

 

[Kumachan]

If you had a life "worth living" would you still need a therapist? Just wondering how this therapy thing works...

 

[Inferdan]

I'm reaching the point of where I'm losing the energy to do much things. Getting to school is harder than it has been. Started doing half-days because of it. I need to sort myself out, or I'll have none left.

 

[Oyoy]

It so hard to preserver.

 

[Nomolos92]

There's nothing to fix because nothing is broken I'm just done with living.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

I've been trying to make something out of my life for so long. But I don't want to live a life where I can't connect to anyone. Nobody understands what I'm saying. I'm so isolated, stuck in my own head all the time. How long will I have to fight the urge to ctb? Will I ever get the urge to do anything else?

 

[Oyoy]

I've been trying to make something out of my life for so long. But I don't want to live a life where I can't connect to anyone. Nobody understands what I'm saying. I'm so isolated, stuck in my own head all the time. How long will I have to fight the urge to ctb? Will I ever get the urge to do anything else?

I understand what you said about connection. Your not alone in your discomfort.

 

[selfhater]

i tried so hard to fix my life before but things are out of my control and if i had a chance now to fix it i will

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Yeah, I don't think I'll be moving to recovery. Maybe if there was something/someone to work towards. But my experiences with people, at least IRL, including family, friends, relationships, or co-workers, haven't been encouraging. If it had been mostly my fault, at least I could fix those things, and life would be better. But when even other people (their spouse, their friend, etc.) say it was the other person problem and the main advice is to learn how to cope or find better friends, it's discouraging.

My resiliency has been spent and to me, most of this world isn't a place I want to work so hard to be in. Especially when it continues to disparage people based on things that aren't indicative of anything (e.g., sexual orientation, income level), yet admires people based on things that guarantee nothing (e.g., confidence). And too many people who think their values should be everyone else's values.

My brain has halted, and I can't find a feasible reason to bring it back online.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

Yeah, I don't think I'll be moving to recovery. Maybe if there was something/someone to work towards. But my experiences with people, at least IRL, including family, friends, relationships, or co-workers, haven't been encouraging. If it had been mostly my fault, at least I could fix those things, and life would be better. But when even other people (their spouse, their friend, etc.) say it was the other person problem and the main advice is to learn how to cope or find better friends, it's discouraging.

My resiliency has been spent and to me, most of this world isn't a place I want to work so hard to be in. Especially when it continues to disparage people based on things that aren't indicative of anything (e.g., sexual orientation, income level), yet admires people based on things that guarantee nothing (e.g., confidence). And too many people who think their values should be everyone else's values.

My brain has halted, and I can't find a feasible reason to bring it back online.

Your post really resonates with me.

Here's a fun fact: the #1 most important deciding factor for human mate selection is physical attractiveness. People want to believe they value superficial things like personality, but the science disagrees. Cold hard truth is, we are shallow animals at heart. Most people don't live in reality and will deny painful truths like this until they're blue in the face. "Not me!"

For the truth-seekers:

Why Physical Attraction Matters, and When It Might Not

Good looks may be both undervalued and overvalued in our dating and mating decisions, depending on the context.

www.google.com

Many people believe what they want to believe. It's a survival strategy. People on this forum are enlightened from their desperate drive to find lasting solutions to their problems. But in this enlightenment, we find only more pain as a more and more accurate picture of reality is painted. It's a disgusting gross picture. We live in a world of genocide and systematic rape. Be careful how closely you look...