Method Anybody else having a hard time with "Place"?

[falloutcarter13]

So as I get closer to my time and as my plans develop, I'm getting stuck on one detail in particular...where to do it? I'm living with my grandparents right now because my life is in shambles and I can't support myself. They practically raised me in this house and I lived with them for much of my 20s. I would love to go out here (right now I'm committed to Stan's SN method) because this was the place where I always felt home, like I was loved. But I know that's extremely selfish, my grandparents are around 80 and I don't want them to have to live out their days in a house where I've left them with an extremely sad memory.

The problem is I can't think of a single other place to go. Public places are out...I can't risk the chance of discovery, I want to and have to succeed this time. Plus, I don't want to traumatize any innocents. I don't have a car anymore, I totaled it last month. I can't afford a hotel, but even if I could, it would be the same problem as public place - I don't want to hurt the poor manager or housekeeper by making them have to discover a body.

As it stands, I'm planning on doing it in my room at my grandparents' house simply because I have no other options. I plan to take steps to make sure they're not the ones to find me...like putting a note by the coffeepot for my grandad (he ALWAYS wakes up first) telling him what I've done and telling him to call the police immediately and not open the door, but he's an old Marine and he'd probably kick the door down anyway because he's just a badass like that and he doesn't think, he just takes action. I have a friend who is supportive and knows what's going on, and he'd be willing to contact the cops in my area at a pre-determined time to do a welfare check on me, before my grandparents wake up, to make sure they're the ones who find me and not my grandparents. Its still going to crush them...I tell myself its going to crush them any way it goes down, but I don't want them to feel sad every time they go in my room or look at my door. *Sigh* this is so hard, but I've always known it would be.

Is anyone else having the same problem?

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I haven't decided on a place yet, but I am hoping for somewhere I won't be discovered and just go peacefully.

 

[rt1989526]

Yeah I'm going back and forth on where to do it. I live in an apartment building and it will probably cause quite a scene if they discover a body in the building. Would prefer to just have my own place to do it but that's not in the cards right now.

The ideal scene would be to CTB with N in my own home where no one else is really affected or bothered. Of course I don't have any of that criteria at this time.

 

[falloutcarter13]

I haven't decided on a place yet, but I am hoping for somewhere I won't be discovered and just go peacefully.

I've considered this as well, just going to a secret place in a wooded area and doing it there. But even if I left notes, with no body, my family would not have the closure they need to move on. I know them too well, I owe them a body to put into the ground that they can say goodbye to

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I've considered this as well, just going to a secret place in a wooded area and doing it there. But even if I left notes, with no body, my family would not have the closure they need to move on. I know them too well, I owe them a body to put into the ground that they can say goodbye to

True. You're right there.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

For the wooded area, you can send delayed emails about the location.

For a hotel, at least they're prepared that someone could suicide there, and while an employee may potentially feel traumatized, it's not anywhere the same level as what your grandparents will feel. If the employee feels upset by the memory every time they pass that door, they can look for another job, your grandparents would have to find another home.

 

[falloutcarter13]

For the wooded area, you can send delayed emails about the location.

For a hotel, at least they're prepared that someone could suicide there, and while an employee may potentially feel traumatized, it's not anywhere the same level as what your grandparents will feel. If the employee feels upset by the memory every time they pass that door, they can look for another job, your grandparents would have to find another home.

I agree that hotel would be better than home. Unfortunately I can't afford one, I'm flat broke and had to struggle to find enough just to order my SN.

Interesting idea about the wooded area, but there's still problems with that as well, namely being we have tons of carnivorous animals around here and I don't want to leave a half-eaten corpse for my family to say goodbye to. I'll probably still consider it though, thanks for your thoughts.

 

[Rocket1Rocket1]

Out of respect for your grandparents you should look into other options, that's my opinion. IMHO the other above me summed it up pretty well.

Wooded area preferably at night with a delayed email with the coordinates to your friend who can notify emergency services.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Out of respect for your grandparents you should look into other options, that's my opinion. IMHO the other above me summed it up pretty well.

Wooded area preferably at night with a delayed email with the coordinates to your friend who can notify emergency services.

I feel the same way about my grandparents, its a balancing act between leaving them a relatively peaceful-looking body and not creating bad memories by doing it here. I honestly can't decide which one would be easier for them. Because of their culture, an open casket is just how they say goodbye and I've heard my grandmother say before that she never gets closure at a closed casket.

 

[Rocket1Rocket1]

Perhaps you could light a campfire that can burn for 3-4 hours to deter the animals. It should burn long enough for the emergency services to find you.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Perhaps you could light a campfire that can burn for 3-4 hours to deter the animals. It should burn long enough for the emergency services to find you.

Another thoughtful idea. Definitely will consider this. I also have to consider that I have a broken foot and the nearest wooded stand that would work is a half a mile away, and also I want to be undisturbed for at *least* 4 hours (preferably 6) to avoid resuscitation. I really do appreciate your thoughts, I hope you know that!

 

[Worndown]

If you choose SN, it could be almost anywhere you can sit or lay down. Park bench, park...it would just look like you were asleep and happened to die. You only need 10 to 15 minutes after drinking. Put it in a drink cup and take it with you.

 

[falloutcarter13]

If you choose SN, it could be almost anywhere you can sit or lay down. Park bench, park...it would just look like you were asleep and happened to die. You only need 10 to 15 minutes after drinking. Put it in a drink cup and take it with you.

From what I've read, unconsciousness can occur this fast. But actual death can take 4+ hours in some cases.

 

[Rocket1Rocket1]

There are tutorials on YouTube on how to build a long lastig campfire. On of the technique's:

 

[InevitablePattern91]

Yes, I have almost everything I need for SN, except the place.

I won't do it in the house I live (with parents and brother), because I don't want to traumatize them by finding my dead body.

I have two options: car or hotel. It's a small city and probably I'll be in the news if I do it in a hotel, plus it will for sure traumatize the employee.

But I'm still considering it an option.

Car would be less confortable and depending on the place I park, it may have less privacy, that means, more chance to get interrupted.

I agree that hotel would be better than home. Unfortunately I can't afford one.

I've read somewhere that most people who choose to ctb in a hotel, opt to stay in the best and more expensive rooms, because they won't have to pay for it anyway

 

[falloutcarter13]

I've read somewhere that most people who choose to ctb in a hotel, opt to stay in the best and more expensive rooms, because they won't have to pay for it anyway

Yeah if it were an option for me, its the one I'd choose. But I don't even have an active bank card or a credit card, I'm that broke. Can't even get a room at a no-tell motel without a card anymore.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If you choose SN, it could be almost anywhere you can sit or lay down. Park bench, park...it would just look like you were asleep and happened to die. You only need 10 to 15 minutes after drinking. Put it in a drink cup and take it with you.

Up to an hour being conscious.

 

[LostandTired]

If I had family that close and living with, I would try find an area outside that home. I agree it's a selfish act but nothing wrong with that but there is no cause to add additional trauma of them discovering your body, if that is not your wish.

Where I live there are a couple of abandoned buildings some more than 1 floor and even a couple of abandoned cars. Have you tried walking around to places that are out of the way or normal people avoid going to?

 

[falloutcarter13]

If I had family that close and living with, I would try find an area outside that home. I agree it's a selfish act but nothing wrong with that but there is no cause to add additional trauma of them discovering your body, if that is not your wish.

Where I live there are a couple of abandoned buildings some more than 1 floor and even a couple of abandoned cars. Have you tried walking around to places that are out of the way or normal people avoid going to?

Well walking around is tough right now because of my broken foot. Also, my grandparents are watching me closely right now, since I just spent two weeks in a psych ward for an attempt in jail. (They sleep from about midnight-8am pretty reliably though so I do have a window to execute my plan at least.) I'm not scared to CTB really, my mind is made up and I actually feel more at peace with it than ever. But in any case, even if I could get to them, we don't have any places like you're talking about near me.

I'm thinking that maybe the garage is the best option at this point. Neither of them ever go out there, so it wouldn't be as traumatic for them as in the house. I can lock both doors from the inside and you can't see inside. I could also have my friend call emergency services before my grandparents wake up, tell them I sent him a message about killing myself in the garage, that he just woke up and saw it (I would actually send the message so he would be protected.) As an added insurance of my grandad not being the one to find me, I could still leave the note by the coffeepot briefly explaining what I've done and to call ems, not to go in the garage himself. I'd leave the key to the garage door right where it is, so he could give it to ems when they got there.

I know I'm new and people don't really know much about me here, yet...this isn't going to be a shock to them (well, at least not *much* of one.) I've struggled with depression my whole life, I've attempted suicide seriously a few times before, all of the males on my father's side of the family killed themselves. They've seen that this is coming for a long time. Of course they're still going to be upset, but everyone knows how hard I've tried and how unsuited for this life I was. I've tried to get better for them so many times, they know that. What they won't already know, I will leave in letters for them. I want to do this as respectfully and with as much love as possible, to be sure...but its taking all of my energy, I just can't do this anymore. I've been dead but breathing for years.

 

[LostandTired]

Considering what you said with your current physical condition....the garage does appear to be suitable for your needs as well as your plan.

I envy you tho. Wish I had a friend that would be willing to do that much of a favor for me.

I bid you a peaceful journey.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Considering what you said with your current physical condition....the garage does appear to be suitable for your needs as well as your plan.

I envy you tho. Wish I had a friend that would be willing to do that much of a favor for me.

I bid you a peaceful journey.

He's a great friend. And such a healthy attitude about this. He's told me he's going to miss me, but he's tired of watching me struggle and suffer as much as I am of going through it. Plus, we both have very weird and specific beliefs about the afterlife, so he knows its not really goodbye, just a "see you in a bit" type of deal.

Thank you for your wishes. Random messages from people here keep making me tear up and yours definitely did. There's so much pain here, but there's also a lot of sweetness and love. Hopefully I get to try it again and do it right next time. Thank you again, my friend.

 

[timeisnigh]

Oh, oops, sorry for making a thread almost identical to this. I should've checked the forum first.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Oh, oops, sorry for making a thread almost identical to this. I should've checked the forum first.

Not at all bud its all good, you had a personal question you wanted to ask the forum. Perfectly acceptable to start a thread for that imo.

Anyway, welcome...wish it were under better circumstances but ya know, we're all in basically the same place. I hope this site helps you find some peace, love, and understanding before you check out. It has for me.

 

[timeisnigh]

Anyway, welcome...wish it were under better circumstances but ya know, we're all in basically the same place. I hope this site helps you find some peace, love, and understanding before you check out. It has for me.

I'm not normally the type to quote Palahniuk, especially "Fight Club," but, haha:

I see in (SS) the strongest & smartest (people) who've ever lived. I see all this potential & I see squandering. Goddammit, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables, slaves with white collars ... raised by television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires & movie gods & rock stars, but we won't & we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very very (suicidal)

 

[deltaofvenus]

I'm driving 11 hours away, to my favorite spot in the mountains. A secluded place where I might not ever be found. But, I realize not everyone has this option. I admit, I haven''t read all the comments in this thread, I hope no one has already mentioned this.

I hope you find your peace, friend. Until then, be kind to yourself <3

 

[Wayfaerer]

Hotel room is really the best place for me and that is what I have chosen. To be perfectly honest, I would not do that to your grandparents. Not only will they be the ones to discover you but also like you've said, it would leave a nasty memory in their home.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Hotel room is really the best place for me and that is what I have chosen. To be perfectly honest, I would not do that to your grandparents. Not only will they be the ones to discover you but also like you've said, it would leave a nasty memory in their home.

I'm glad you've got the means to get a hotel room. This isn't an option for me. I've decided to do it outside in the garage (which they never go into) and take several steps to ensure emergency services/cops find me before they do. Its the best I can do under the circumstances. Appreciate you leaving your opinion though =)

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

Unfortunately, yes. I don't really know where to hang. In this flat there's no places I can put rope in for a full hanging.
Thinking of climbing some three in the city at night.

 

[TAW122]

If in the event I decide to CTB and it's still during the pandemic (possible but not 100% - again depends on circumstances and time), then I'd personally still find a secluded place outside during darkness and then CTB there. I'd do my best to avoid dying my parents home unless I absolutely have no other option.

 

[falloutcarter13]

If in the event I decide to CTB and it's still during the pandemic (possible but not 100% - again depends on circumstances and time), then I'd personally still find a secluded place outside during darkness and then CTB there. I'd do my best to avoid dying my parents home unless I absolutely have no other option.

Totally agree. Unfotunately, I'm at the "no other option" point =(