Anybody else feel bothered by society's wider reaction to your ctb?

[come to dust]

For some reason I feel irrationally weird knowing people in general will know me as the guy who ctbed.

For example I will be known as that one guy from my highschool year who ctbed.

Or among my extended family and family friends there will be a oot of gossip and talk about how I ctbed.

It makes me feel weirdly self conscious. Anyone else feel the same? Or people who don't worry about this, how to stop feeling odd about it? I definitely want to ctb, this is just a weird feeling I get.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

It will cement my standing in my family as the "weird, stand-offish one" and the role in my friend group as the "weird, stand-offish one" so yeah I totally see where you're coming from.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

I try to think how I would feel if someone I worked with killed themselves. There's been at least two suicides at my company since I've worked there but not in my department and nobody I know. We work from home now so that'll soften the blow some. If we all still saw each other every day in the office and suddenly my cube and my seat at the conference table was empty that would be weird.

 

[come to dust]

I try to think how I would feel if someone I worked with killed themselves. There's been at least two suicides at my company since I've worked there but not in my department and nobody I know. We work from home now so that'll soften the blow some. If we all still saw each other every day in the office and suddenly my cube and my seat at the conference table was empty that would be weird.

nooone ever ctbs at my work. I'll be the first and it will ripple through.

 

[chloramine]

Kinda yeah. It bothers me that different people will craft different narratives about why and for how long I've wanted to and stuff. It's not something I can do anything about though. I'm most afraid of it being weaponized to strengthen causes or positions I don't support

 

[Zegers]

ie If you take a plane and go far away, would you care what some randoms say? I couldn't care less.

 

[nosurpries]

it makes me cringe a little honestly. it will definately come as a shock to the people who used to know me, (i don't really have any current relationships but i used to have a few friends and wasn't popular by any means but i was known at my school) as i used to be quite out going, and even now i come off as very humorous and positive. i never talk abt cbt with anyone irl really or being sad at all, so it might be a shock. but i hate that i will be known as dying by suicide forever, it just makes me cringe little not sure why.

 

[hungry_ghost]

My family would understand, even if they would hate the idea of it.

They know that I have been living essentially a meaningless life, and that I suffer emotionally.

Outside of family, no one knows me, or would remember me, or care.

 

[Toonloon]

I don't care. If I had anyone to care about me at all let alone cared enough what they think I doubt I'd be wanting CTB anyway.

 

[come to dust]

it makes me cringe a little honestly. it will definately come as a shock to the people who used to know me, (i don't really have any current relationships but i used to have a few friends and wasn't popular by any means but i was known at my school) as i used to be quite out going, and even now i come off as very humorous and positive. i never talk abt cbt with anyone irl really or being sad at all, so it might be a shock. but i hate that i will be known as dying by suicide forever, it just makes me cringe little not sure why.

yes this is exactly it. Evennif i dont have friends really, gossip will spread through the town.

Also I'm leaving no legacy to the world exceot my ctb

 

[xo777]

Yes lol and the way my exes will use it for pity points.
The girl who killed herself"

"Or people who don't worry about this, how to stop feeling odd about it?"
The cool part about being dead is that we aren't going to care anymore and there isn't much we can do about it anyway. I don't think the words will hurt at the end

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess the way that I see it, when we die we will be gone. How other people react to our death is not our concern as we will not be there to see it. I could never care about how someone would react if I die. It could not possibly matter to me.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes it's humiliating … not how things were meant to be…. Always wanted to keep my depression hidden… but now I'm pretty dissassociated… not feeling much of anything…

 

[HopefulButPrepared]

For some reason I feel irrationally weird knowing people in general will know me as the guy who ctbed.

For example I will be known as that one guy from my highschool year who ctbed.

Or among my extended family and family friends there will be a oot of gossip and talk about how I ctbed.

It makes me feel weirdly self conscious. Anyone else feel the same? Or people who don't worry about this, how to stop feeling odd about it? I definitely want to ctb, this is just a weird feeling I get.

I'm already viewed as that weird lad who never married, moved out of his parents house, used to drink too much on his own, etc, and now a girl from my school recently died from alcohol abuse, and a lad died after crashing his car into a tree, and another lad in the year above me CTB'd, so it doesn't seem like such a big deal now, as far as my social anxiety is concerned - I'll be dead anyway, so fuck it - in 100 years no one who ever knew me, or anyone else who's alive now, will be alive to think anything - we're just a blip in time

 

[come to dust]

I'm already viewed as that weird lad who never married, moved out of his parents house, used to drink too much on his own, etc, and now a girl from my school recently died from alcohol abuse, and a lad died after crashing his car into a tree, and another lad in the year above me CTB'd, so it doesn't seem like such a big deal now, as far as my social anxiety is concerned - I'll be dead anyway, so fuck it - in 100 years no one who ever knew me, or anyone else who's alive now, will be alive to think anything - we're just a blip in time

I wish everyone i grew up with wasnt so high functioning. I seem like the only person who is fucked up and going to die

 

[HopefulButPrepared]

I wish everyone i grew up with wasnt so high functioning. I seem like the only person who is fucked up and going to die

there are some I grew up with who are seemingly 'high functioning', the highest is a heart surgeon! But there are many who are fucked up crack or smack heads.

 

[come to dust]

there are some I grew up with who are seemingly 'high functioning', the highest is a heart surgeon! But there are many who are fucked up crack or smack heads.

There are no crack or smack heads where I am. I mean, not everyone is a high flyer but they're all mentally adjusted, no matter how poor they may be.


I would rather be surrounded by other mental freaks like myself.

 

[outatime_85]

Where do I start?

From my immediate and my extended family's point of view, I am already ostracized, seen as the quiet one, the black sheep.

None of my family know the extent of my mental health troubles that probably stem from the beat-downs at the hands of bullies I took when I was growing up, since all of them were off living their best life.

When I choose to push that final chip forward, and decide I will do it no more, what will they say about it?

The basic everyday statement will be made by all of them. (Why did they not reach out to us for help? We had no idea they were suffering so much. Why did they suffer in silence?)

The list of standard statements from them would stretch around the block.

In the end, what can they really say? a loser. They wish they had known, they wish they could have been there, etc.

As for gossip, if that is all they can think about doing after my demise, that is on them and would really show their true colors. Not that they would care.

That all being said, I don't expect any kind of caring response, etc. from them and am slowly getting to a point where I don't care.

I was never part of my family, just someone they knew about. All of them would pretty much be happy when I'm gone.

I think my family would be more inclined to blame me for my own demise, regardless of the cause or effects of my upbringing or any notes or journals left behind.