any1 else have dis problem?

[deathlamp]

i had a pretty good spell back wen i was pretty deep in (food)restriction where i felt really confident and full of social energy, but since starting recovery and going away 4 a while i feel i am back at square 1. my problem is i become convinced dat ive done something or changed in such a way and evry1 knos it but me and evry1 is avoiding me 4 it. i believe evry1 i kno is in on it.

i kno its irrational, but i still believe it. it leads me 2 become distrustful and generally dislike most ppl. dis den leads in2 a cycle where i try 2 reach out and hang out w ppl but it becomes so difficult bc i cant let go of da belief dat dey r hiding something or im doing something wrong and dey cant stand me but r pretending, so i cut myself off frm ppl more and more bc its so difficult 2 spend time w any1 w thoughts like dis.

ive started self harming daily again and am considering relapsing(anorexia) if only 4 da confidence and(albeit false) energy it gives me. i also started drinking again after being 2 months sober. i stopped taking my meds last night and i am hoping dis will lead me back 2 da place i was at wen i was ready 2 ctb last time. i am tired of trying. i wish i had a boyfriend 2 make me feel ok but i keep rejecting all da guys due 2 having weird standards. ive been stuck in dis place 4 so long and my whole life jus feels like disconnected moments inbetween attempts.

sry kind of wrote a lot of stuff but i was wondering if any1 else recognizes dat cycle i described. ive knon ppl who werent confident and such but ive never quite related 2 how dey experience similar things.

 

[Neon]

yeah I relate to this quite heavily, although I've sort of convinced myself out of it now. I still struggle quite a bit. it makes it pretty difficult to make or maintain friends/relationships, and can leave you feeling very lonely at times. feelings like these r very hard to overcome since after a certain amount of time they become engraved in you, but I believe you can, w/ enough time and insight.

 

[timf]

It sounds like you have had some success. If you find it slipping away, you know that if you made a good start before, you will likely be able to again. Some people have more success with a sharp turn and changing everything at one. Others find taking smaller steps builds momentum.

You might find in your next recovery cycle that you can experiement with making changes like seeing if an AA group can help or if more or less social contact helps.

 

[deathlamp]

yeah I relate to this quite heavily, although I've sort of convinced myself out of it now. I still struggle quite a bit. it makes it pretty difficult to make or maintain friends/relationships, and can leave you feeling very lonely at times. feelings like these r very hard to overcome since after a certain amount of time they become engraved in you, but I believe you can, w/ enough time and insight.

im proud of u 4 making it out of dat but i cant seem 2 shake it no matter how many years pass. its only dis and my eating disorder dat ever rly take control of my thoughts away frm me. i rationalize and change my behaviors and question my thoughts and all dey taught me in therapy but i jus cant seem 2 shake dese feelings wen dey come:/

i dont rly hav an addiction 2 alcohol jus an unhealthy relationship w it but u do make a good point abt social contact. i do terrible wen im "between" being alone and being around people everyday. i can only rly do either or.

im proud of u 4 making it out of dat but i cant seem 2 shake it no matter how many years pass. its only dis and my eating disorder dat ever rly take control of my thoughts away frm me. i rationalize and change my behaviors and question my thoughts and all dey taught me in therapy but i jus cant seem 2 shake dese feelings wen dey come:/

i dont rly hav an addiction 2 alcohol jus an unhealthy relationship w it but u do make a good point abt social contact. i do terrible wen im "between" being alone and being around people everyday. i can only rly do either or.

o shit i replied 2 da wrong 1 lmao

 

[Neon]

im proud of u 4 making it out of dat but i cant seem 2 shake it no matter how many years pass. its only dis and my eating disorder dat ever rly take control of my thoughts away frm me. i rationalize and change my behaviors and question my thoughts and all dey taught me in therapy but i jus cant seem 2 shake dese feelings wen dey come:/

i dont rly hav an addiction 2 alcohol jus an unhealthy relationship w it but u do make a good point abt social contact. i do terrible wen im "between" being alone and being around people everyday. i can only rly do either or.

o shit i replied 2 da wrong 1 lmao

If you'd like I could let you in on some things that helped me personally, probably won't be the cure but maybe another perspective would help the way you look at it?

 

[deathlamp]

If you'd like I could let you in on some things that helped me personally, probably won't be the cure but maybe another perspective would help the way you look at it?

ya sure:)