any tips dealing with survival instinct?

[favouriteworstnight]

i've been drinking every day trying to build the courage, it helped a bit but not enough. oh god i need to ctb so bad, if you attempted before how did you do it?

 

[Warum]

absolute despair

 

[favouriteworstnight]

absolute despair

i thought relapsing and failing classes would be enough (shame and the last one is expensive) but i'm still here so it didn't

i put the noose around my neck but i can barely tolerate 2 seconds before pulling myself up

 

[madmanbadman]

for me i often remind myself that my situation is hell

 

[persistentheartache]

absolute despair

I sabotaged the best relationship I'd ever been in because I thought it would push me to finally end things. They dumped me because I wouldn't get help for my suicidal ideation. 2 failed attempts later and I'm in individual and group therapy, and taking medication. I'm trying to make up for my mistakes but obviously you can't change the past. I regret it a lot. As selfish as it sounds, I wish I'd CTB discreetly during the relationship rather than having things end because I kept talking about it without trying to get better. Even if I CTB now, I can't change embarrassing myself post break up or the ways that I hurt my ex

As much as I feel like absolute despair makes sense, if you're not able to CTB, or your survival instinct don't let you, I'd rather focus on improving quality of life any time you can and ending things on a high note rather than waiting until you're fully in the dumps.

Trying to artificially put yourself in a position to be miserable enough to CTB isn't reliable imo. It can work for some, but I think something about our brains ability to adapt makes that difficult. The hedonic treadmill and all that. You might just make yourself unhappy for no reason but not enough to make CTB easier.

I'm in a weird place where I am trying to recover but at the same time I do not want to live. I regret trying to wait until I was miserable enough. You could fail to CTB and except now you're more miserable AND you won't die. since the breakup, I've been hospitalized 3 times, had to get stitches, and 2 failed attempts. It's embarrassing to have lost them over essentially nothing. I have more reason to CTB than ever but I'm still struggling to as well.

just my 2 cents

 

[Warum]

ending your life is the highest form of decision you will ever make in your life. if there is some doubt, you are not ready yet. that is okay. it does not mean you are weak or you are faking wanting to ctb. you will always need to push yourself a little bit, si is natural but once you are at 101% peace with your decision of ctb you will notice a difference. it will still take courage but it will be possible. my genuine attempt left me disabled. if i compare how i felt during that versus the prior ones, i see a big difference in motivation.

 

[favouriteworstnight]

I sabotaged the best relationship I'd ever been in because I thought it would push me to finally end things. They dumped me because I wouldn't get help for my suicidal ideation. 2 failed attempts later and I'm in individual and group therapy, and taking medication. I'm trying to make up for my mistakes but obviously you can't change the past. I regret it a lot. As selfish as it sounds, I wish I'd CTB discreetly during the relationship rather than having things end because I kept talking about it without trying to get better. Even if I CTB now, I can't change embarrassing myself post break up or the ways that I hurt my ex

As much as I feel like absolute despair makes sense, if you're not able to CTB, or your survival instinct don't let you, I'd rather focus on improving quality of life any time you can and ending things on a high note rather than waiting until you're fully in the dumps.

Trying to artificially put yourself in a position to be miserable enough to CTB isn't reliable imo. It can work for some, but I think something about our brains ability to adapt makes that difficult. The hedonic treadmill and all that. You might just make yourself unhappy for no reason but not enough to make CTB easier.

I'm in a weird place where I am trying to recover but at the same time I do not want to live. I regret trying to wait until I was miserable enough. You could fail to CTB and except now you're more miserable AND you won't die. since the breakup, I've been hospitalized 3 times, had to get stitches, and 2 failed attempts. It's embarrassing to have lost them over essentially nothing. I have more reason to CTB than ever but I'm still struggling to as well.

just my 2 cents

so it seems like we can't overcome si trying to put ourselves in worse situations… i've done similar things

ending your life is the highest form of decision you will ever make in your life. if there is some doubt, you are not ready yet. that is okay. it does not mean you are weak or you are faking wanting to ctb. you will always need to push yourself a little bit, si is natural but once you are at 101% peace with your decision of ctb you will notice a difference. it will still take courage but it will be possible. my genuine attempt left me disabled. if i compare how i felt during that versus the prior ones, i see a big difference in motivation.

i've been waiting for one year… things just keep getting worse and i'm still here. wish i was stronger