Venting any self harmers?

[AtomicNewt]

First self harmed at 10, scraped most the skin off the back of my hands and told I'd people off fallen off my bike. Still have those scars. Guess was always a struggling mess. After some later cutting and other clear harm embarrassment thought, well, might as well make something creative and less deliberate looking. Cut a deep big pentagram ⛧ onto the back of my wrist at 15. Still have that one too and acutaully like it at least. Sure, was called a freak by some people, but most thought it was me a bit being out there, or Satanic or whatever, rather than deeply unhappy.

Carried on like that really. Cut "all is vanity" all across my left thigh, only few bits left that now sadly, and burnt (gosh the popping and smell of burning flesh is something) varying sized starburts up and down my legs. When I'm in that intense moment of pain and wanting to Hurt myself gives me some creative purpose. My bodies destruction is my art, haha. And people look at it in a weird way rather than a puppy dog eyed you poor thing. Whatever fuckers.

 

[Nightglimmer]

I cut my thighs, even though I hate the scars. It's gotten to the point where I know I need to stop because I'm cutting pretty deeply and going even deeper will lead to me cutting something vital, though I just can't stop because it is very addictive. At this point it doesnt even help anymore, partly because I can't even feel the pain sometimes, however I continue to do it because the urges to cut are too much to resist.

 

[Winter_Flower]

I first started cutting when I was around 13, I'm now 39. I did go for a long period in my 20's of not doing anything but my mental health declined when I hit 30. My thigh is a mess, I've had numerous items removed from my body and unfortunately a couple are still there as they can't get to them safely. My current method is cutting words into my thighs and trying to draw my own blood which I'm extremely bad at to the point my arm is black and blue from failed attempts. Unfortunately its turned into an addiction for me, a form of release from the internal pain and anger I feel. I feel so stupid for doing what I do but it helps as talking about my past and feelings to people I find very hard. I also use it as a way to stop myself from ctb because of my constant suicidal ideation x

 

[Suicidal4Ever]

Left forearm is covered in cuts. I've been doing it for 2 years and no one has noticed yet. I wear shortsleeves everyday hiding them in plain sight.

 

[Vegrau]

Yes but mine is more of psychological level. Since I cant leave mark on my body. I will hurt myself over and over again until I am forgiven for my self perceive sins with no association to religions. The big plus is that I can do it anywhere I want. Yet sometimes I wonder how flagellation feels like. Would like to try that.

 

[yami9292]

I am clean from it since January 2014 which i stopped on my own and everything and last month on May 26 relapsed because I'm dumb and let people affect how I feel, haven't done it since but damn do I want to. There is one cut that hasn't healed yet because I keep picking at it and scratching at it for the pain instead of cutting again though. I also hate the scars and its one of my biggest regrets but at the same time now idc that much since I'm gonna ctb anyway. Its hard to do it on the wrist since its summer and some days for work I have to wear short sleeves but my thighs I can do but they're filled with scars thankfully they're more white (but still pretty visible) then pink from years a go but the recent ones are more easily seen. And I agree about the addiction part, I got urges to do it quite a bit throughout the years and was doing really good too but oh well. It's such a weird feeling when you want to do it, while you're doing it, and after you've done it.

 

[charlottewilts]

yeah, i used to do it only on my thighs and stomach for a few years. then before a suicide attempt i fucked up my left arm because i thought i'd die so it didn't matter anymore... it's scalding hot now though, so i wear short sleeves without a care in the world. no one pointed them out except my coworker. i also have a ton of burn scars on my arms from when i was inpatient and didn't have blades, so i did it with cigarettes (which i also wasn't allowed to have either, but were much easier to get)