Discussion Any other lonely gay men here?

[Ijustcantanymore]

Been feeling lonely lately. And just feeling really disconnected from my identity and the larger queer community. I'm 35. I've never been to a pride event. I don't even have any queer friends. Male or female. I've never had a boyfriend or been pursued. Yes I have a partner. And he is wonderful and I love him. But we went from friends to lovers, and skipped all the awkwardness of dating. But we also skipped the thrill of the chase.

Not that I want to leave him. Never
But I would be nice to be noticed by other men. And of course giving men compliments on their looks or even asking them out is fraught with danger these days. Either you get rejected. You get belittled or if you have the misfortune to approach a straight one. You may even be assaulted or killed.

I don't know what it's like to be around my own people. And at this point, I feel like I will die having never experienced any of that stuff.

And it's just making me sad and triggering all of the "wish i was dead" feelings. I hate my brain. Why does it want these things?

 

[hiki4me]

Been feeling lonely lately. And just feeling really disconnected from my identity and the larger queer community. I'm 35. I've never been to a pride event. I don't even have any queer friends. Male or female. I've never had a boyfriend or been pursued. Yes I have a partner. And he is wonderful and I love him. But we went from friends to lovers, and skipped all the awkwardness of dating. But we also skipped the thrill of the chase.

Not that I want to leave him. Never
But I would be nice to be noticed by other men. And of course giving men compliments on their looks or even asking them out is fraught with danger these days. Either you get rejected. You get belittled or if you have the misfortune to approach a straight one. You may even be assaulted or killed.

I don't know what it's like to be around my own people. And at this point, I feel like I will die having never experienced any of that stuff.

And it's just making me sad and triggering all of the "wish i was dead" feelings. I hate my brain. Why does it want these things?

so u enjoy the comfort of being in a stable relationship but also want the fun of this more "casual" stuff?

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

so u enjoy the comfort of being in a stable relationship but also want the fun of this more "casual" stuff?

Me and my partner are in an open relationship. I have a much higher sex drive than he does. So I'm allowed to look outside if needed. I don't even necessarily want another partner.

I just want to be noticed. I want to know what it feels like to see a guy looking at me and know he wants me. Wants to pursue me.

With my partner it's different. It's hard to explain. He sees me because he loves me. Which is an inherent bias on his part. I want to be noticed without bias. Just have a guy see me and be like "I want him."

Idk what that's like.

But it's not even just that stuff. Idk what it's like to be around other queer people because I never have before. I would like to have other male friends that are not straight. Guys I can talk to that like fully understand life as a gay man.

My partner was self identified straight when we met. And as he slowly realized he wasn't. Our relationship progressed organically. Which is great. It is great. We love each other very much. Have even talked about getting married.

But like all those experiences you're supposed to have with other people as you enter puberty and grow up. I just didn't have them. I e been isolated my whole life. And I just feel like a nobody because no one but my partner sees me. I'm not desirable. I basically don't exist, except to my partner. I guess that's what I'm struggling with.

Like it's unfulfillment. But not because of him. Because of my lack of life experiences that it's probably too late for me to experience now because I'm getting older and uglier and more ill.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

so u enjoy the comfort of being in a stable relationship but also want the fun of this more "casual" stuff?

Damn. I hope he doesn't. I think he means (CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG) but i think he means that he just misses and wanted to experience the awkward pahse of coming to terms with your identity and he just wanted to experience the awkwardness of asking a guy out. And wanted to see how
"normal gay men are in their environment" as in experience gay pride and just have fun man. Flirt a bit with strangers and have them flirt with you lol.

Like how abusive women try to live their lives through their daughters cause they didnt experience the "SWEET 16" and the "HOME COMING" shit.

But hey man. I am happy and glad you are loyal and love your man <3


LOL BUT FOR REAL MAN!!! Why make a post about this lol

GO OUT! BE NICE! SAY COMPLIMENTS!

Im not gay but shit dude if i see a guy with a nice effing jacket ill say "damn dude nice ass jacket"
I also do tell guys they look good if they really do lol (i really do....)

Nothing wrong with a compliment man. Women do that shit every day lol

Just keep it professional and neutral if you are not comfortable and start small ;)

go from "nice jacket" to "hey man you look good dude!!!" in no time :P

Just know the limit and obv dont day "nice ass dude" that might get you punched >_<

BUT HERES MY SIDE!!

When i worked at retail their was a older gay dude flamboyant type.
he made a compliment on my hair. he said "nice hair man you can be in a movie!"
i mean i did say thank yuo and that really did make my day better :D lol it really did

then he kind of lingered and well continued to make complimetns and well flirt with me XD
but eh thts the only thing just make a compliment and see how it goes but just read the room XD Tis all

Me and my partner are in an open relationship. I have a much higher sex drive than he does. So I'm allowed to look outside if needed. I don't even necessarily want another partner.

I just want to be noticed. I want to know what it feels like to see a guy looking at me and know he wants me. Wants to pursue me.

With my partner it's different. It's hard to explain. He sees me because he loves me. Which is an inherent bias on his part. I want to be noticed without bias. Just have a guy see me and be like "I want him."

Idk what that's like.

But it's not even just that stuff. Idk what it's like to be around other queer people because I never have before. I would like to have other male friends that are not straight. Guys I can talk to that like fully understand life as a gay man.

My partner was self identified straight when we met. And as he slowly realized he wasn't. Our relationship progressed organically. Which is great. It is great. We love each other very much. Have even talked about getting married.

But like all those experiences you're supposed to have with other people as you enter puberty and grow up. I just didn't have them. I e been isolated my whole life. And I just feel like a nobody because no one but my partner sees me. I'm not desirable. I basically don't exist, except to my partner. I guess that's what I'm struggling with.

Like it's unfulfillment. But not because of him. Because of my lack of life experiences that it's probably too late for me to experience now because I'm getting older and uglier and more ill.

Damn. That sounds amazing!
Met as friends.... continued as friends then relationship <3 Beautiful and skipped all that dating shit that people fake at.

You knew him as a regular friend and he was himself around you. he was himself :D and well look at you guys now.

But also yeah i understand lol i had a fiance and she had a high sex drive but i dont. never really have.

We broke off for non sexual reasons lol so its all cool but yeah man <3

 

[Hotsackage]

Dont they have clubs? You don't necessarily have to drink

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Dont they have clubs? You don't necessarily have to drink

Not where I live. I'd have to go to the nearest major city and I can't afford that. Not would I even be able to afford getting into a club.

And that's the other issue. Even if a guy shows interest. As soon as I tell them that I am poor, on ss, and mentally ill. All that interest disappears. It's like I stop being a person to them. and it's counterintuitive to lie about yourself to someone you want being interested in you. And I can't maintain lies about myself.

It's just that my existence is completely undesirable in today's society.

I'm not even worthy of fucking because I'm heavier and therefore ugly.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

Not where I live. I'd have to go to the nearest major city and I can't afford that. Not would I even be able to afford getting into a club.

And that's the other issue. Even if a guy shows interest. As soon as I tell them that I am poor, on ss, and mentally ill. All that interest disappears. It's like I stop being a person to them. and it's counterintuitive to lie about yourself to someone you want being interested in you. And I can't maintain lies about myself.

It's just that my existence is completely undesirable in today's society.

I'm not even worthy of fucking because I'm heavier and therefore ugly.

All due respect... But why mention all those things. Your income or personal stuff especially "if a guy shows interest"
Just be yourself and keep personal and pleasure separated lol.

Their is a thing that is called "Over explaning" or giving more detailed then yuo need.

If a person asked you "How are yuo doing"
Just reply "Fine" or "Okay"
Not "Im depressed and been thinking of suicide"

;P

Feel free to message me if you wanna have a chat but for now ill go smoke and watch the show called "Poker Face"
Its stupid but kind of sucks you in (not a gay joke XD) <--- Light humor to cheer you up

But for real.
1) Be yourself
2) Dont overshare or over explain
3) K.I.S.S. (Keep it simple stupid)

We all go through phases and well... i want to meet soemone too but i also do over share... alot.... and yeah same result

Speaking from experience not repeating what i heard


EDIT: yuor quote copy and paste

counterintuitive to lie about yourself to someone you want being interested in you. And I can't maintain lies about myself.

Dont lie. seriouse i agree 100% but like dont go full blown therapist mode lol just keep it simple and casual.
If hit it off maybe youll be friends and actually get to spend time together and that stranger can ivite you to plartys and stuff lol but when that time comes yuo can slowely open up
but like never at first tell them your full story and life lol

We all carry baggae and burdens.. literly we all do.
so if htey judge fuck them dude cause we all know they aint no little perfect sunsine cunts they act to be :P >_<
Just be yourself man <3

 

[Hotsackage]

Not where I live. I'd have to go to the nearest major city and I can't afford that. Not would I even be able to afford getting into a club.

And that's the other issue. Even if a guy shows interest. As soon as I tell them that I am poor, on ss, and mentally ill. All that interest disappears. It's like I stop being a person to them. and it's counterintuitive to lie about yourself to someone you want being interested in you. And I can't maintain lies about myself.

It's just that my existence is completely undesirable in today's society.

I'm not even worthy of fucking because I'm heavier and therefore ugly.

Ya i got ya, thats why I dont pursue relationships or even date. It's brutal

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm a bi woman but are there any chapters of any gay orgs within walking or driving distance? Offer to volunteer in some capacity. In my area, you can do something as simple as hand out literature.

And please do go to a pride parade next time you have the chance. It's life changing. And aging doesn't have to be a death sentence for your looks. It really doesn't.