Venting Any one else feel 100% ready ?

[azad]

no second thoughts, no regret, no sadness. anyone else feel 100% ready to board the bus at any second. if the bus is available ? only thing that is stopping me is money/privacy to buy equipment and fear of method failure. I'm begging and crying like a lost baby but I don't know to whom..to the universe i guess. please please..i want to go please... I can't experience this pain anymore please AAAAAA. I'm now considering partial hanging or baking soda+ citric acid because that's easily available. AAAAAA please. i thought decision to ctb is the most hard but now i realize what is. sometimes when my adhd tortures me in the .iddle of the raod i want to jump under bus. one friend who understood me for so long got frustrated because i couldn't reach his home. i felt like a maze. if it's so easy i think ALOT of people would have been gone by now.

 

[DarkFriend.]

It most definitely is not easy.

I'm not 100% ready, but it gives me great comfort knowing that I will likely up and leave one day.

For what it's worth I think that the greatest fear for most of us here isn't actually CTB, but failing to do so due to some mishap in the method, and surviving even worse off--so you're not alone in that regard.

I'm certain that the pain you're dealing with is much to bear, but please take some time to consider the method before you try anything drastic that may only end up damaging you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I might be kidding myself but I do actually feel ready. CTB seems far more preferable than anything that lies ahead. I'm scared still- obviously but I suppose to an extent, I've felt like this was inevitable for years (32 years of ideation.)

The barrier for me is waiting for my Dad to go first. Obviously, it's monstrous to wish him gone but at the same time, I find it unbearable to wonder how long I need to hang on for.

It does make you wonder how many people out there are suffering for years on end because they feel compelled to stay- for one reason or another. I'm sorry so many of us are stuck in this weird limbo.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Guilt and SI aside, I am ready.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

100% feel ready, im sure i will do it.

The want to be dead overcomes anything else within me.

 

[heavyeyes]

I wasn't quite ready before but now I am. I realized I can't keep fighting a losing battle with my mental illness. I'll never be able to live a normal life.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. It's not fair ctb takes so much effort. It shouldn't have to be this way.

 

[Sapphire]

I feel lIke I am ready. I have been ready for a while now, but I am having trouble overcoming my SI. I am unable to go through with the final step. I feel trapped between life and death.

 

[gimzero]

I am reasy for 30 years but it need to finish.

 

[purplehearted]

I'm mostly ready. What's stopping me is that I'm scared of something going wrong, being found and SI kicking in last minute. I delayed my date because I had family staying with me and didn't want to traumatise them. I really just want to make sure it works and it's peaceful, people don't get extremely hurt and the experience is free of suffering.

 

[someone leaving]

I've been 100% ready now but I've had the misfortune of discovery and method failure

 

[Papilio_polyxenes]

I definitely aim to CTB by the year's end or early January. A few loose ends to wrap up, but I'm 100% committed to ending my suffering.

I have few ties left that bind me to this world. In the same year, I lost my mother to cancer and came close to losing my job. My relationship with my father has always been poor, and all my coworkers despise me now.

I have no prospects in life - no degree yet, still living at home, zero social life. My existence doesn't "help" anyone or serve any greater purpose. Genuinely tried being a good person, but I perpetually offend others and fail at everything. Nevertheless, there must be intrinsic flaws in my character, and saying otherwise is self-delusion.

SI and fear won't hold me back. My methods are reliable and painless - either SN (hard to obtain) or hypothermia from a cold lake in winter. This won't be a "cry for help" attempt like taking a whole bottle of OTC pills or using a razor on my wrists.

 

[forgiva]

What did you mean by baking soda and Citric acid!?

 

[Reallysad]

Every day is painful for me I'm just so lonely and missing my 3 kids.life is shit I just need a method and the guts to do it as living is killing me

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, of course, if I had N I would have certainly already left this life behind by now. All that I ever wish for is to die and thoughts of suicide are constantly on my mind. Existence is such a disturbing and horrific burden and the only thing that comforts me is the thought of being permanently free from this world. I want to forget about this life more than anything. But as we all know the world that we live in makes suicide as painful and as difficult as possible for us and this is so cruel and unfair.

I mean we were all forced into a life that we never asked for so how is it acceptable to try to force people to stay here. Life is simply not for everyone and I've never wanted anything to do with existing at all. It's tragic how life evolved in the first place and how so much endless suffering exists in this world. I'm certainly ready to die as I'm convinced that to die is the most rational option, at least it will always be to me. There is no reason to prolong this torture, if only dying is as easy as just never waking again then I bet so many would instantly free themselves from it all.

 

[littlelungs]

Logistically speaking, I am mostly ready, but I have been significantly slowed down due to chronic illness and pain. I'm still tying up a couple of loose ends so that I don't leave everything in a shambles alongside a whole lot of unanswered questions when I go.

Physically and psychologically speaking, I am so fucking ready. Absolutely no hesitation or ambivalence whatsoever, and I really mean that. I am so ready to not suffer anymore.

 

[Meaninglessness]

I am ready to die any day. There is only meaningless suffering in my life. The society should have euthanasia clinics so that people aren´t left lying dead in their homes for months or years. But I have to die somewhere. Booking a hotel room costs money and it is possible that I chicken out anyway.

 

[S like suicide]

Me.
I am absolutly ready...i even accepted it as part of my tragic destiny.
I can't wait to go to "the other side" where i will be happy and in peace finally.i know i will be

 

[DaatiSimi]

I am!

 

[BipolarExpress]

I would be if my survival instinct didn't get in the way (and my desire to beat a game I recently bought).

 

[thedevillily]

This is what I'm contemplating currently. If reading about the effects of your chosen method and seeing photos of it still makes you cry, are you still too attached to life and a false hope that things could improve?

I think what I'm feeling is frustration that after all of the bullshit I've been through, I still don't have a life worth living and at this point I'm too fucking old to make any type of meaningful change or fresh start. Like, really? What is the point? I don't know if I could actually do it and that's frustrating, too. It's something I should probably sit with so that I can let go and just drink the SN already.

 

[Never Alive]

I tell myself a lot these days that I am ready to go. I want to do some things before I go, but currently, I am delaying these things. So I get to live a bit longer. There are some things that if they get too bad or uncontrollable I have decided I will go no matter what. That's why I'm currently thinking about having other options to go besides hanging by a belt

 

[hopeless302]

I'm about 83% ready. Like, I would be happy to die... but I also have things holding me back to this shitty world.