i was preparing for jee. i wan even enrolled in a major coaching institute, " allen ". the preparation and all was going pretty well but then shit went south and i ended up NOT taking the exam. didn't fill the form for the January attempt neither for the one ahead. heck i wouldn't have enrolled for CUET either, but some people compelled me into doing so. i fucked my exams, boards basically and i have done it with such effectiveness that i know i am failing. but that's just me.
maybe all of this, the fear of facing my results and shit would coerce me into killing myself in about a month ?
although if you've been studying all these years, my advice would be to wait until the last attempt. once you step out of the examination hall, you pretty much are aware of what you're gonna score. if it's anywhere good ( i hope you know what a good score is and all ), things CAN turn around once you're out there in a pretty institute. life's different ( not any easier tho ).
and you must be aware that JEE ain't all, preparing for JEE makes you capable of taking a lot of other major exams too, actually, us JEE aspirants have an advantage over other examinations. my peers all nailed SAT, NDA, and many other examinations even though only a few could crack Mains.
I haven't taken the JEE. I have no idea what youngsters these days have to go through in trying to prepare for these exams. I feel there is simply too much of an emphasis on volume rather than quality of thinking when it comes to exams like JEE or IAS. I think it suits the people where political power is concentrated for it to be so - in a capitalistic environment, this is in the hands of the owners of capital (businessmen) and their cronies (politicians), so that the best minds in terms of reasoning capacity and stress endurance would be competing to be at their service.
Unfortunately, for those who are neurodiverse, and for those who are lower down on the performance scale if you are neurotypical, joining the rat race would mean getting burnt to the extent one is away from the top. I did take the CAT once though. I remember having issues due to my bipolar, difficulties in focus, processing speed, short term memory which affected my learning greatly and thus my preparation was not good at all. I had very little conceptual clarity and was part of the herd. I still got 55 percentile. I don't think I deserved even that given my level of preparation.
I just remember I found it very difficult having to sit down to study at all. I couldn't focus. If I read a sentence or a paragraph I had to keep reading it over and over many times to make sense of it (this is the deficit in short term memory). It took me time to think (processing speed). I was good in language though. I had good verbal ability. I had a good imagination. I had a good voice. I eventually came to realize I'd have been better at literary writing, language translation, and learning hindustani music.
Unfortunately I was abused and gaslighted by some people I put my trust in who didn't prove to be worthy of it and I had some terrible luck, but for that I feel like I almost made it. I hope this is a lesson for people reading this. These exams are not the only way. Find out who you are, what you are passionate about, believe in yourself. Have the courage to think outside the box, outside the norm and the way of the herd. The more neurodiverse, low "performing" you are as a neurotypical, the more crucial this is for you and the more imperative it is that you start early. Early intervention is key with a lot of mental illnesses. Use rational inquiry, critical thinking to think your way through and be smart.. Wish it works out for you.
. You're right, I do think my learning methods are a bit different from others. I have suspected from a long time that I might have ADHD. My severely mentally retarded sister has serious ADHD, mine isn't as extreme as hers but I have exhibited behaviours similar to hers. I was always very talkative, I talk very fast or very slow, I could never sit still without doing anything, I get addicted to anything very easily whether it's food, games, and even studies if they're interesting to me. I forget to even eat often. And I was scolded for this behaviour since I was 3. So yes maybe I do have mild ADHD at most or an anxiety disorder at least.
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