Discussion Any gay/bi member of this forum whose sexual orientation played a part in their suicidality?

[Fin]

I for one am not suicidal directly because of my sexual orientation, but it has definitely played a part in my estrangement and isolation, which have both in turn taken their toll on my mental state.

My sexual orientation is not ego-dystonic (I am OK with who I am in this regard), but coupled with my avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) and social anxiety it made me the kissless loveless virgin that I am today. And this prevented me from enjoying yet another of this life's beauties, which is romantic love. My dating pool, given who I am and where I am, is virtually non-existent. So this was an indirectly contributing factor.

DAE feel like their sexual orientation contributed to their suicidality, either directly or indirectly, by playing a small or a big part?

 

[HelensNepenthe]

pride is more about exclusion than inclusion. it's one of the reasons why I don't associate myself with LGBT groups. pride is also for people who have sex appeal. commercial gays are always glamorized for their looks and personality. something that disappoints me.

I don't know. This is kind of just my spectator look at stuff. I'm a closet tranny who will never be able to transition. I simply don't have the looks to feel comfortable about being a woman.

 

[Fin]

pride is more about exclusion than inclusion. it's one of the reasons why I don't associate myself with LGBT groups. pride is also for people who have sex appeal. commercial gays are always glamorized for their looks and personality. something that disappoints me.

I don't know. This is kind of just my spectator look at stuff. I'm a closet tranny who will never be able to transition. I simply don't have the looks to feel comfortable about being a woman.

I feel the same, I have never identified with the mainstream LGBT movement either. I couldn't be more different from those guys, even if we're all LGBT. There's no contempt in this, we're simply not on the same page.

 

[Vegrau]

A quarter.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I really feel awful for some of you who have chosen to take their life or are contemplating it because of their sexuality. I live in America, California specifically and over here, in one if not the most liberal states in America, it's so normal. No one bats an eye to it. What it must feel like to be persecuted or possibly sentenced to death because of who you love is utterly baffling to me helllaaa suspect
Why other people care about other peoples genitals and what they do with them is just weird. I'm not concerned with what Jessica or Tom do with they shit so why are you?

 

[Kta1994]

I am but my reason is chronic pain

 

[Ivenocare]

I am bi, but not my reason; I do believe the bullying in school gave me my social anxiety.

 

[DeadD]

A little. I'm fresh out of the closet and the sudden change how I'm treated really adds pounds to the already crushing weight of being alive. I just wanted to be treated like I'm normal? why is everything different now that I'm out and in a gay relationship? I get accused of obsessing over my sexuality by being openly gay when in reality it's everyone else and their fucking mother who is obsessed. Just fuck off and let me live for fucks sake

 

[AsexualBarbieBoy]

My orientation is not the final factor but it does play a role in making me feel detached from my species and society. With that said, I'd probably be at this point even if I wasn't asexual.

 

[Meretlein]

My orientation is not the final factor but it does play a role in making me feel detached from my species and society. With that said, I'd probably be at this point even if I wasn't asexual.

Hey i'm asexual too. I'm sorry you feel so detached from everyone. I'm here if you ever want to talk to someone who understands.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

I am bi, but not my reason; I do believe the bullying in school gave me my social anxiety.

Same here.

 

[andy69]

I am gay. But the reason I want to commit suicide is because I boyfriend left for someone else after fifteen years. I guess because I am too old I won't find another. Maybe that's partly related. Gay men only like young men. Old men are garbage. Most gay men are shallow.

 

[kolski]

Asexual here~ for me it's is one of the reasons why I want to ctb. I'm never going to normal; I don't want to live a life of loneliness.

 

[Alan James]

I am also asexual. I have never been interested in all this. Why are you suffering from this? This is not a defect.

My orientation is robots with AI I think. Strange but I always liked robots and AI more than people. But I live at the wrong time, there are no such robots and AI in reality.

 

[Meretlein]

Asexual here~ for me it's is one of the reasons why I want to ctb. I'm never going to normal; I don't want to live a life of loneliness.

Are you a romantic asexual? I'm aroace and I find it to be both a blessing and a curse.

 

[kolski]

Yh I am. And I hate it because every relationship I've had its always expected of me to have sex. It makes me want to claw my brain out ahaha..

I am also asexual. I have never been interested in all this. Why are you suffering from this? This is not a defect.

My orientation is robots with AI I think. Strange but I always liked robots and AI more than people. But I live at the wrong time, there are no such robots and AI in reality.

Because in every relationship I've had I'm forced into doing things that I hate, or treated like shit when I say no. I'm never going to find anyone who wants me for who I am. And anyways, I'm ctbing in the near future, so whats the point in trying?

 

[Meretlein]

Yh I am. And I hate it because every relationship I've had its always expected of me to have sex. It makes me want to claw my brain out ahaha..

Because in every relationship I've had I'm forced into doing things that I hate, or treated like shit when I say no. I'm never going to find anyone who wants me for who I am. And anyways, I'm ctbing in the near future, so whats the point in trying?

There are some asexual dating apps, some dating sites have an asexual option. You try meeting people off of AVEN too.

I hope you find peace.

 

[Crystal Labeija]

Suicidal for being gay? No. I actually love being gay and I love gay culture (username checks out). Suicidal because of how I was treated? Part of it.

 

[not_a_robot]

I am also asexual. I have never been interested in all this. Why are you suffering from this? This is not a defect.

My orientation is robots with AI I think. Strange but I always liked robots and AI more than people. But I live at the wrong time, there are no such robots and AI in reality.

Same. I have had a lot of sex but it always felt like an obligation or a means to an end; it can be fun-ish but always seemed to me a bad risk for catching irrational feelings or bad diseases. I only ever felt comfortable doing it if I was getting paid, to make the risk half-reasonable.
I can't even fantasize about human partners without my brain telling me "You can never do this for real, they are diseased, they will infect you. You cannot let them kiss you with their diseased mouths". Even as a sex worker, I couldn't do real sex, just fetishes or no-kissing-sex.

Even in my fantasies I only feel safe with a robot or fuck-machine for a partner. For awhile I kept a faceless human engineer involved but nope, fuck that guy, he's gone too. All I need is HAL and an elaborate dildo-jungle-gym to swing from.

 

[Slenderman]

I am gay. Not my reason of suicide, but the way certain people treated me and continue to treat me because of this did contribute to some extent to my current mental state.

 

[not_a_robot]

Asexual here~ for me it's is one of the reasons why I want to ctb. I'm never going to normal; I don't want to live a life of loneliness.

Being normal sucks though. Ick.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I'm a gay male, but that definitely isn't one of my reasons for wanting to ctb. I always was a very rational person, and I'm perfectly aware that my sexual orientation is not a disease or a problem. I don't care about what religious fanatics say. I only care about scientific evidence.

 

[「 」]

im not mad about being queer, but im very irritated im not able to express it because im a coward with add-on social anxiety to boot. it's a factor but not the reason.

 

[blanketyblk]

Yeah gay here, it's not the reason i'm checking out. but it sure as shit made my life harder than it needed to me. in Australia. it's very liberal so in away i don't have much to worry about far as laws and jobs go. My parents where very accepting. i think they knew i was a lesbian before i did. the only issue i have with it is the constant pointing and gossiping that says 'yep, she is a dyke'. yes i get it. i stand out. i'm tall, tiny boobies and look masculine. but just leave me alone for FS.

i know after so many years i shouldn't give a damn what people think or say about me. but doesn't change the fact that it hurts to always to be the point of gossip. even if what they is staying is true.

 

[mathieu]

I am gay but it isn't a reason for wanting to CTB. It was when I was a teenager and it was a new thing I had to adjust to. I live somewhere tolerant of LGBT and there's plenty of happy LGBT people. I have a number of LGBT relatives and they are all happy and successful. I would still prefer to be straight but it's not too bad.

 

[not_a_robot]

I gave an incomplete answer before, I am trans as well as asexual/autosexual and it is a huge factor in wanting to ctb. I begged doctors for hysterectomy and boob reduction since I was a teen, they basically laughed at me. I couldn't make anyone understand and I don't present as dykey, just tomboyish and fashion-impaired. I have made horrible choices because of not being allowed to be who I am and basically destroyed my life, though at the time it just felt like making the best of a bad situation. It makes me sick seeing all the "trans-acceptance" now that I already wasted my life struggling with it. I hate doctors so much now for the condescending way they've always treated me that I can't even bring myself to accept basic medical care (no great loss because they are too incompetent to provide basic medical care anyway) but it bothers me every minute of every day that I can't get surgery to get rid of these stupid stupid boobs! I HATE THEM, i would cut them off myself, if I thought I could stitch myself up.

 

[norugrats12321]

I'm gay. Been out since I was 15. It definitely plays a part.

I wasn't really all that bothered about it until I actually said it.

Mother asked me when she was drunk one night when I was 14 after finding gay porn on the laptop. Vista had just come out and I didn't know her account with admin privileges showed her everything I did. Including all my MSN messages (but that's a different story).

She cried for a whole week. Drunk ofc. About how "hard" my life will be. How I'll probably end up dead some night because of how unsafe it is out there for "people like me".

She calmed down eventually. Relatively speaking. But I always got sporadic remarks about how disappointed she is that she'll never have grandkids. Drunk and sober.

Idk, it's not being "different" that depresses me its the fact that I was born alone, live alone and I'll die alone that gets to me.

 

[Rose]

I'm bi, I don't think it's played much of a role (being trans is another story though)

Sucked when my parents went through my phone when I had my first boyfriend, made me really uncomfortable. Mostly from just having my privacy violated though.
Being bi & closeted trans at the same time is weird, always felt like I was lying to people no matter if I told them or not

 

[Fin]

Thanks everyone for answering. I feel for each and every one of you.

Hugs to all!

 

[Guy2Roast]

I'm gay, and it plays a part, but it's not the only part!