Discussion Any failed CTB attempts?

[Slipofthetrigger]

I wanted to ask if anyone has had any failed attempts at CTB?

I personally only had one, in which I tried to cut myself to death. Did a terrible job since I'm still here, but the knife I tried to use was too dull. It was an old knife my friend gave me back in highschool. If I had a sharper one, I think I might've pulled it off, but that's most likely not true.

I want to try again with a different method, but I'm afraid of failure, and my cowardice gets in the way.

 

[smallsupernova]

I've tried a few times
Mostly by overdosing on pills and once with SN
The pills were a failure because they were either the wrong medication or too small a dose
The sn wasn't successful because I was put into hospital care too soon
I've been since studying the sn method and I'm almost sure I can do it right next time, I'm just trying to exist and fighting my SI for now

 

[youpi]

Lots of people in the ward I know have failed CTB attempts. LOTS. Almost all of them actually.
Alcohol + medecine is the top #1, partial hanging #2, then weird things like plugging exhaust of car with catalytic converter.

 

[dragonofenvy]

A lot. It might be over 20 at this point? 6 times in the last year alone. Last one was on the 17th actually and it was the closest I had ever gotten. The rest were just the standard trying to slit my wrists or holding a gun to my head but being unable to pull the trigger. They say that those who survive attempts regret it. The only thing I regret I had from them is not actually being able to go through with it. Guess I'm completely justified if I have no regrets then aren't i?

 

[endofeverything]

one spontaneous attempt. i was coming off of SSRI almost entirely cold-turkey due to it giving me internal bleeding, and it gave me a manic episode for a week, and when it suddenly crashed i threw away all my personal items (several thousands in damage) took a bunch of random pills and alcohol and got ready to slice myself open or jump from the window. probably in part because the pills made me really drowsy then, i started to re-think instead. it made me realize that, even though i want to die, i don't want to actively CTB either. although maybe one day i will do if the pain is bad enough, who knows.

no one ever found out, i never even told my therapist. was too ashamed.

 

[lost_one]

3 or more depending on how you look at it I guess... I tried to cut my wrists 3 times, I oculd never get it to go deep enough, cause either I was scared or it hurt too much ( I cannot cut fast for some reason), the last try I kept on cutting for hours and I just felt so sad and defeated and tired by the endo of it it was horrible.

there was a few times I thought of jumping two brigdes and one building, I never had the nerve to actually do it. But I didn't actually jump so idk if it counts, I've held knifes at my thoat and even considered the exit bag, just last month... never with enough courage to follow through, I guess I will just try and live for a bit...

 

[loneloser]

Yes, two.
If you can count consuming like 5-8 sleeping pills over the course of like an hour (Shitty attempt, I know, I fell asleep before I got to finish the rest of the capsules).
And a partial hanging where I passed out and the rope loosened up immediately after (Another shitty attempt for many reasons :/ )

My parents only know about the sleeping pill attempt because I was asleep and surrounded by bottles of sleeping pills and had like two empty cups near me.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

They say that those who survive attempts regret it. The only thing I regret I had from them is not actually being able to go through with it. Guess I'm completely justified if I have no regrets then aren't i?

Same. Every day since the day I attempted, I have regretted not succeeding. During the attempt itself, I experienced no memories, no love, no thoughts of family members. Go figure.

 

[onthefence]

No attempts here. I plan to never attempt- I'm only going to act when it is foolproof. Sounds overconfident- I know.

But actually maybe it's the part of me that wants to stay since no methods are foolproof. This means I'll never be able to act.

 

[whitetaildeer]

i've got 2 rather stupid attempts i tried, for anyone who wants to laugh at my past self's naivety:

1. when i initially started lurking on this site, i tried and even practiced shallow water blackout. it seemed like one of the more accessible methods at the time... of course, this is a very unreliable method. i was very light-headed for the rest of the day after failing my attempt.

2. this one is less of an attempt and more so ideation, but there was a genuine hope that i'd eventually ctb by doing this. when i was 16-17, i started developing heart problems from being bulimic (i used to binge/purge 8-12 times a day... fun times!), and started drinking more caffeine (1280mg a day) in the hopes that i'd get a heart attack. the heart/other health problems from bulimia still persist, but of course, this did literally nothing.

 

[diy-event]

Two with full suspension - in both cases the anchor gave way
Lost consciousness on the first one to find myself on the floor

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

I've tried a few times
Mostly by overdosing on pills and once with SN
The pills were a failure because they were either the wrong medication or too small a dose
The sn wasn't successful because I was put into hospital care too soon
I've been since studying the sn method and I'm almost sure I can do it right next time, I'm just trying to exist and fighting my SI for now

What happened with the SN?

 

[bananaolympus]

Jumped from a balcony was bedbound 3.5 years it was just that a femur refused to heal bad bone genetics

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Yes. I don't remember how many.

 

[smallsupernova]

What happened with the SN?

I was treated with methylene blue

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

I was treated with methylene blue

Just because you were found by someone? Did you take AE?

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Probably 20-25 failed attempts. Mostly because SI takes over. I hope one day I can overcome it.

 

[smallsupernova]

Just because you were found by someone? Did you take AE?

Yes and they knew I had taken SN
I did take AE

 

[fawnfurever]

I've tried a few times
Mostly by overdosing on pills and once with SN
The pills were a failure because they were either the wrong medication or too small a dose
The sn wasn't successful because I was put into hospital care too soon
I've been since studying the sn method and I'm almost sure I can do it right next time, I'm just trying to exist and fighting my SI for now

how soon were you found? sorry to hear btw

 

[human909]

Yes, I think is was about 2 times. One time was when i tried to hang myself and i was just so desperate getting out of this world i forgot to check if it had the strength to hold me, but it didn't so the rope broke and the curtains came down crashing on my head which caused a bruise. The other time was jumping of a bridge but i got my SI thoughts in my fucking way and i went back home crying cause i wasn't able to jump.

 

[smallsupernova]

how soon were you found? sorry to hear btw

A few minutes after I lost consciousness

 

[danny10]

I had 4 unsuccessful CTBs. I hanged myself (full suspension) once and it would have worked but my SI kicked in and I climbed back onto the chair (i didn't kick it). Three times I tried to jump but never was able to due to SI as well. Now I want something else for a method: either handgun or SN. Still deciding.

 

[S like suicide]

Jumped from a balcony was bedbound 3.5 years it was just that a femur refused to heal bad bone genetics

wow this is a lot...i am so sorry you had to go through all that.how are you today?
may i ask you from which floor you jumped?

 

[bananaolympus]

wow this is a lot...i am so sorry you had to go through all that.how are you today?
may i ask you from which floor

wow this is a lot...i am so sorry you had to go through all that.how are you today?
may i ask you from which floor you jumped?

It was 15 meters or so im better i can walk normally but yeah it was hard to know i was disabled just because a bone took so long to heal the expectations where just a year to recovery but it took 3.5 years to the bone to heal

 

[S like suicide]

It was 15 meters or so im better i can walk normally but yeah it was hard to know i was disabled just because a bone took so long to heal the expectations where just a year to recovery but it took 3.5 years to the bone to heal

Incredible...i am glad that you recovered completely even tho it took more time.
when you jumped and fell....can I ask you how it was? did you feel pain or did you faint?

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I'm at three failed attempts, twice by cutting and once by train. My first attempt cutting was pretty pathetic but I guess it was more testing the water though I was really looking forward to it being over. My second attempt cutting I tried applying what I'd learned (mainly just needing to go deeper) I ending up trying to slit my wrists like seven times that night. After failing.. a lot I went to my friends room cause I really really didn't know what to do - well that was dumb and I wasn't thinking straight, ended up being rushed to the ER in an ambulance because of it.

My most recent attempt was idk, frustrating. I figured i'd just let my head be decapitated by a train. I made the mistake of bringing my phone with me and I had an online friend message me at like the exact perfect time and idk she kept messaging me constantly and it just distracted me and I ended up sobbing to her for 90 minutes after which the trains were slowed and cops were on the lookout for me to take me back to the psych ward. So that's a lesson learned, don't bring your phone!!!

I think next I'll try SN, seems promising and less factors that could go wrong.

 

[Kyotospade]

Yeah I've overdosed a lot, like a lot a lot . Hung myself a few times as well.
I died twice and been brought back twice ...

 

[bananaolympus]

Incredible...i am glad that you recovered completely even tho it took more time.
when you jumped and fell....can I ask you how it was? did you feel pain or did you faint?

I Felt an incredible relief, and no pain if you ever fell from your bed that hurts a lot more surreal i know, adrenaline acts so fast, but i felt so defeated looking at the sky, but what i did not know is that i was actually dying from internal blood loss, the only reason i am still alive is because a paramedic was walking by and was the first person to come to my aid and an ambulance was chilling around the corner not joking i was already inside an ambulance after like 2-3 minutes after my fall then i got unconsious, i was given an 95% of dying due to severe blood loss to my family preparing for the worse, so yeah

 

[futurecorpse]

Since I was 15 I've tried to ctb 13 or 14 times, and 1 "almost" attempt. I lost track lol. The majority of them were overdoses on otc medicine and antidepressants (I was a teenager okay I'm more than aware that this is not a viable method lol)

I want to try again with a different method, but I'm afraid of failure, and my cowardice gets in the way.

It's our instinct to survive; after all we are only human :/ The thought of failing an attempt to ctb is incredibly nerve wracking. I think putting your negative feelings and thoughts into your attempt can help bypass the si and help you feel more determined. I know it's easier said than done though