Discussion Any ACEs/ Asexuals, another reason to ctb

[mini_weeny]

I'm ACE and I also have hyperacusis, a very isolating disease that makes it impossible to socialize. I also have no family, the only ppl left in my life are 2 ppl who work for me because my H makes it impossible to be independent so, being ACE and living in confinement indefinitely means I have no one and will never have a partner or even friends anymore. I think my physical illnesses and the other reasons explained above are more than enough reason to CTB. Anyone can convince me otherwise???? I need to know if my reasoning is flawed.

 

[Goodbye710]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. If it helps I wrote this for you in case it helps:

I assume you are a woman.

I can say what women think of many men is flawed. A good percent of men are very sexual that is true. But many men just want a woman who is pleasant, not argumentative and enjoyable to be around. Someone they can enjoy life with, have a partner in life who they can grow into and grow old with. Someone who has their back at all times and won't leave them when the going gets tough.

Many men want a woman they can come home to after a hard day of work and be looked after. The whole thing of men saying they want a woman who will cook dinner for him is really nothing more than a man wanting to be nurtured. As in the man protects and provides and in return he gets nurtured.

I have no idea why women over the decades found it so degrading to want to nurture their man but most men have it in them to still want to protect and provide.

I think being asexual is not a deal breaker for many men. Many men just want some pleasant to be with.

 

[Latios]

I'm ACE and I also have hyperacusis, a very isolating disease that makes it impossible to socialize. I also have no family, the only ppl left in my life are 2 ppl who work for me because my H makes it impossible to be independent so, being ACE and living in confinement indefinitely means I have no one and will never have a partner or even friends anymore. I think my physical illnesses and the other reasons explained above are more than enough reason to CTB. Anyone can convince me otherwise???? I need to know if my reasoning is flawed.

I'm someone who is very unattractive but with a very strong sex drive (which makes me want to ctb), so I'm not sure how being ace would be worse. :P

 

[Makko]

Someone who has their back at all times and won't leave them when the going gets tough.

Practically speaking I think this is a much taller order than just wanting some sex

 

[mini_weeny]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. If it helps I wrote this for you in case it helps:

I assume you are a woman.

I can say what women think of many men is flawed. A good percent of men are very sexual that is true. But many men just want a woman who is pleasant, not argumentative and enjoyable to be around. Someone they can enjoy life with, have a partner in life who they can grow into and grow old with. Someone who has their back at all times and won't leave them when the going gets tough.

Many men want a woman they can come home to after a hard day of work and be looked after. The whole thing of men saying they want a woman who will cook dinner for him is really nothing more than a man wanting to be nurtured. As in the man protects and provides and in return he gets nurtured.

I have no idea why women over the decades found it so degrading to want to nurture their man but most men have it in them to still want to protect and provide.

I think being asexual is not a deal breaker for many men. Many men just want some pleasant to be with.

That's very sweet, I guess yes I have this idea men are sexual maniacs. But a man like that would be nice to have. Thanks!!

I'm someone who is very unattractive but with a very strong sex drive (which makes me want to ctb), so I'm not sure how being ace would be worse. :P

Hahaha well it's like being transgender, something you don't understand for the most part of your life until it dawns on you what's really going on.

I'm someone who is very unattractive but with a very strong sex drive (which makes me want to ctb), so I'm not sure how being ace would be worse. :P

I'm someone who is very unattractive but with a very strong sex drive (which makes me want to ctb), so I'm not sure how being ace would be worse. :P

Well, the human species is unattractive in general except for magazine models and some ppl in developed nations. Unattractive is a norm in developing nations. But yes we humans are ugly naked animals, really ugly creatures, I can't say I approve. :D thank god we don't go around naked, that would be very repulsive,

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

My friend is asexual and she's the best person I've ever met. If I could choose to be ACE I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm sure there's an ACE community you could join online to make some friends with.

You don't have to be like everyone else and I think it's perfectly fine. I see it as a plus because you have the potential to form a genuinely meaningful relationship while most people have highly dysfunctional ones.

 

[mini_weeny]

My friend is asexual and she's the best person I've ever met. If I could choose to be ACE I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm sure theres an ACE community you could join online to make some friends with.

You don't have to be like everyone else and I think it's perfectly fine. I see it as a plus because you have the potential to form a genuinely meaningful relationship while most people have highly dysfunctional ones.

It's actually really lonely because when I meet men they just want to have a sexual relationship or nothing, women usually hate me, so, ppl are not interested in investing in a new friendship these days they just want to be distracted for a few hours and go back to their own thing. It's really impossible to have a partner that doesn't want to touch you. But yes I have joined a fb page. It makes me feel less weird.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

It's actually really lonely because when I meet men they just want to have a sexual relationship or nothing, women usually hate me, so, ppl are not interested in investing in a new friendship these days they just want to be distracted for a few hours and go back to their own thing. It's really impossible to have a partner that doesn't want to touch you. But yes I have joined a fb page. It makes me feel less weird.

Being suicidal already makes you an outlier but the way I see it is why would you want to associate with people you have nothing in common with anyways? I'll try asking my ace friend for one of the ace websites she visits if you're interested.

 

[mini_weeny]

Being suicidal already makes you an outlier but the way I see it is why would you want to associate with people you have nothing in common with anyways? I'll try asking my ace friend for one of the ace websites she visits if you're interested.

Yes thanks that would be amazing :)

 

[Goodbye710]

That's very sweet, I guess yes I have this idea men are sexual maniacs. But a man like that would be nice to have. Thanks!!

Hahaha well it's like being transgender, something you don't understand for the most part of your life until it dawns on you what's really going on.


Well, the human species is unattractive in general except for magazine models and some ppl in developed nations. Unattractive is a norm in developing nations. But yes we humans are ugly naked animals, really ugly creatures, I can't say I approve. :D thank god we don't go around naked, that would be very repulsive,

Yeah, men have a bad rap of being sexual maniacs. It's true a good portion are but I've known many men who are good decent men who would trade not having sex with a woman who he knows will have his back through thick or thin. And for a woman who can nurture him through other ways. Back massage, hang out, have a nice time with. That sort of thing.

You hear about men leaving the dating market for one big reason and that's because a lot of women have become unreasonable, argumentative, unpleasant to be around, shallow and untrustworthy. They aren't leaving because of a lack of sex but because of those qualities.

Be a good person, don't be ugly and nurture him in other ways and you'll have plenty of men available.


I just finished reading an article where an asexual woman found her spouse through a dating site and she was upfront with it. She still found someone. I would follow Embraceofthevoid advice though. Just know plenty of men it's not a deal breaker. Just show your affection to him in other ways.

 

[mini_weeny]

Yeah, men have a bad rap of being sexual maniacs. It's true a good portion are but I've known many men who are good decent men who would trade not having sex with a woman who he knows will have his back through thick or thin. And for a woman who can nurture him through other ways. Back massage, hang out, have a nice time with. That sort of thing.

You hear about men leaving the dating market for one big reason and that's because a lot of women have become unreasonable, argumentative, unpleasant to be around, shallow and untrustworthy. They aren't leaving because of a lack of sex but because of those qualities.

Be a good person, don't be ugly and nurture him in other ways and you'll have plenty of men available.


I just finished reading an article where an asexual woman found her spouse through a dating site and she was upfront with it. She still found someone. I would follow Embraceofthevoid advice though. Just know plenty of men it's not a deal breaker. Just show your affection to him in other ways.

Seems right, thanks for letting me see things in a different light, at the end of the day we all want to be loved and cared for that includes men :)

 

[Mentalmick]

As has been said, not all us men are sexual nutters. I'm a man and asexual and when you add in the mental illness it means I'll never have a partner either. Life sucks.

 

[Goodbye710]

As has been said, not all us men are sexual nutters. I'm a man and asexual and when you add in the mental illness it means I'll never have a partner either. Life sucks.

I'm not sure your age but I can confirm that once you get to 35-45 you'll have plenty of women making themselves available to you. Being a man and asexual is probably a benefit for you.

Men provide a certain lifestyle for a woman. I don't mean money but what I mean is as long as you have your stuff together when you get that age, where you have your finances in order, you're in shape, and she feels you're not physically, emotionally or spiritually dangerous to her, you'll have plenty of women make themselves available to you in that age range.

You'll have to beware though as many can prey mantis you.

 

[lofticries]

Fuck I wish I was ace/asexual, the full enchilada . I was so happy at the thought of being that until I reached a certain age where I all of a sudden had sexual thoughts involving myself. Though it might be mainly curiosity.

I might be aromantic though since I can't for the life of me understand why so many crave a long term partner to the point of depression (I mean I can sympathize but not empathize) . Also feel nothing when I see couples getting married or doing coupley things. I mean no jealousy at all or want. I do however love romance when it comes to my fav ships(fictional pairings) just not involving me. I love being single and it's the least of my problems in life.

 

[LastFlowers]

Yeah, men have a bad rap of being sexual maniacs. It's true a good portion are but I've known many men who are good decent men who would trade not having sex with a woman who he knows will have his back through thick or thin. And for a woman who can nurture him through other ways. Back massage, hang out, have a nice time with. That sort of thing.

You hear about men leaving the dating market for one big reason and that's because a lot of women have become unreasonable, argumentative, unpleasant to be around, shallow and untrustworthy. They aren't leaving because of a lack of sex but because of those qualities.

Be a good person, don't be ugly and nurture him in other ways and you'll have plenty of men available.


I just finished reading an article where an asexual woman found her spouse through a dating site and she was upfront with it. She still found someone. I would follow Embraceofthevoid advice though. Just know plenty of men it's not a deal breaker. Just show your affection to him in other ways.

You did not make that sound any more appealing to be honest, just more euphemistic.
How do you define "unreasonable, argumentative, unpleasant to be around", you mean a woman with a personality?
What you say men actually want is just a cardboard cut-out of mom.
I also think a lot of men would disagree with you on the sex part, I've seen too many scenarios of women who break their backs and wait at home like a damn robot, only for the men to be angry that there's not enough intercourse or that they're not attracted to them anymore for one reason or another (usually a weight complaint or "letting themselves go", which is probably due to playing happy homemaker).
Obviously some women are absolutely insufferable (I know of plenty), but then, so are plenty of men.
I don't think asexual women want to become wallflowers who rub their husband's feet to compensate for the lack of sex.
I don't believe couples should even have eachother's back through thick or thin, if your spouse or SO is being an ass, tell them so!
If you have different interests and different opinions, have them!
Don't become a 'yes man' for your 'partner'.
People don't want to wait around to "hang out" with a "back massage" at the ready.
What a sorry excuse for a life.

Let both people, man and woman, or man and man, woman and woman, whatever the case, let them have their own lives and purpose while being together, rather than be stuck being a parent to "nurture" the other.

"Don't be ugly", I figure you mean internally ugly, but what's funny is that the more literal version of that is usually the number one check box at the door before any man lets any woman into his life.
And yes, women can pull the same shit, but if we are being honest here, and so long as you want to bring up the word "shallow" you've got the majority of men to label that with, before you come for the women.

(Also, this might be a little inflammatory but a lot of asexual women who seek out a romantic relationship and make their lack of sexuality known, get a lot of creeps who want to be the one to "change them/fix them", they are also a safe bet for closeted homosexuals who want an easier time at playing the hetero facade game.
I don't mean to offend anyone but it DOES happen and anyone with common sense can figure out why.
Of course you have to tell someone eventually, but being upfront and honest at the start, while the right thing to do, can and has bitten many people in the ass and/or made a fool out of them.)

 

[Goodbye710]

You did not make that sound any more appealing to be honest, just more euphemistic.
How do you define "unreasonable, argumentative, unpleasant to be around", you mean a woman with a personality?
What you say men actually want is just a cardboard cut-out of mom.
I also think a lot of men would disagree with you on the sex part, I've seen too many scenarios of women who break their backs and wait at home like a damn robot, only for the men to be angry that there's not enough intercourse or that they're not attracted to them anymore for one reason or another (usually a weight complaint or "letting themselves go", which is probably due to playing happy homemaker).
Obviously some women are absolutely insufferable (I know of plenty), but then, so are plenty of men.
I don't think asexual women want to become wallflowers who rub their husband's feet to compensate for the lack of sex.
I don't believe couples should even have eachother's back through thick or thin, if your spouse or SO is being an ass, tell them so!
If you have different interests and different opinions, have them!
Don't become a 'yes man' for your 'partner'.
People don't want to wait around to "hang out" with a "back massage" at the ready.
What a sorry excuse for a life.

Let both people, man and woman, or man and man, woman and woman, whatever the case, let them have their own lives and purpose while being together, rather than be stuck being a parent to "nurture" the other.

"Don't be ugly", I figure you mean internally ugly, but what's funny is that the more literal version of that is usually the number one check box at the door before any man lets any woman into his life.
And yes, women can pull the same shit, but if we are being honest here, and so long as you want to bring up the word "shallow" you've got the majority of men to label that with, before you come for the women.

(Also, this might be a little inflammatory but a lot of asexual women who seek out a romantic relationship and make their lack of sexuality known, get a lot of creeps who want to be the one to "change them/fix them", they are also a safe bet for closeted homosexuals who want an easier time at playing the hetero facade game.
I don't mean to offend anyone but it DOES happen and anyone with common sense can figure out why.
Of course you have to tell someone eventually, but being upfront and honest at the start, while the right thing to do, can and has bitten many people in the ass and/or made a fool out of them.)

You're taking my post out of context.

Please me more kind in your future posts on this site. Some are not doing well.

 

[Morituri_Te_Salutant]

Fellow ACE here! Almost all relationships I had with others in the past were initiated by others than by yours truly.

Yeah, I'm just not that interested in a relationship. I have my own goals that I want to accomplish before dying (naturally or CTBing); and I'm not really interested in sacrificing them for the other person. Sounds selfish, but then again, being selfish in today's world has become a virtue it seems.

Now if only I could limit my body trying to sexually excite me at situations, that'd be great.

 

[Morituri_Te_Salutant]

I have never once found any man who didn't want sex very badly from me. I can only experience what you describe with gay men.

Or asexual men, however rare they may be.

 

[SweetDreams500]

Sex must feel so good

 

[Goodbye710]

I have never once found any man who didn't want sex very badly from me. I can only experience what you describe with gay men.

I have known almost every woman interested in me only wants me to give her a baby or to help her financially. However, I know not all women are like this.

I have personally known a number of men who would have been with a woman without wanting sex. It would have been nice for him but the woman would have to have been a quality woman for him to stay. Good personality. Virtuous woman.

Yes, many of these men are lonely to the extent he will overlook the desire for sex in exchange for other ways to bond... just don't give him a hard time for watching porn.

Other men online would have said the same thing. They aren't like the typical men showing off in society. Competing with others. Chest thumping. They may be spiritual. They may have had a hard life and just want a life partner. They may be short and so on.

It's the equivalent of saying all women only want a baby or money from a man. Lots of women do. A huge percentage. Tell most women you're broke and most women lose attraction immediately. Very interesting how many actually. Some women provide their own money to a relationship though. Some women honestly aren't looking for a provider as a primary motivator and some men aren't looking for sex as a primary motivator. It's not a deal breaker for everyone though.

If a man is not a provider he must provide other value to the relationship. Similarly, if a woman does not wish sex, she must provide another value in the relationship. A 100 years ago and earlier, men and women came together to make life easier for each other. Two people were better to navigate the world than one. Some men know this. They are mature in an immature world.

Back massages, enjoying company and such are all ways to bond with each other. Sex is the fastest way but not the only way. Most all married men are in a sexless relationship but do not leave. Why? They do not leave for a reason and many times is because he loves her. He is bonded with her. She enriches his life and he enriches her in other ways outside sex. Ask any old married couple. They look at each other as brother and sister.

Further, a 100 years ago, those women were not the freaks you see these days. Ask an old woman if she ever would have put her mouth on a man and she would have been repulsed. Baby boomers stepped things up where it was more normalized. Gen X more. I'm tail end of gen x and the thing I heard millennials was out there. Now the things I hear gen Z is insane.

Where I'm going with this is society is very immature. Must find some who is mature.

Men find gold diggers and overly pretty women attractive and then complain about those women who used them. Women tend to chase the best looking, the men with the most money and who they can show off to their friends and then they complain about those men because they only want sex.

If you have a good network of male friends, I'm sure you could find a man not interested in sex in a relationship. Men are good at finding women a quality man. Us men know what other men are like. If they are quality or not. If we can trust him. Same way women understand what other women are like.

But the best way for those asexual looking for a life partner, probably best is to sign up with that online group mentioned earlier in the thread.

Women don't understand what it's like being a man. Men are born into this world extremely hostile for every single one of us. We then get testosterone flowing through us to help us navigate this world but their is a downside. Imagine tensing your body from 20-70 years old. Sex allows men to release that tension. It is not the only way to release that tension however and bond with a woman.

Men nurture women through being a provider and women nurture men through sex. However, not every woman wants a provider and not every man wants sex. We can nurture each other through other means.

When men say they want a woman who can cook. It has nothing to do with her being a servant. We know how to make our own food. But it feels nice that a woman cares enough about us. It feels nice that she cares enough to do something for us. It feels nice. It has nothing to do with wanting to be mothered either.

No a woman doesn't have to cook. No she doesn't have to clean. We can do it ourselves. For some men, doesn't even need sex. Just don't shame men for porn.

Further, there are even some men who prefer porn because it's easier and other reasons.

There are plenty of men who just want to enjoy the company of a woman and vice versa without requiring sex. Just like this video of lions enjoying each other's company with no sex.


And see how families bond hope that helps

The pressure from men for sex has been intense and constant always. I can only relax with gay men. I now tend to isolate due to this because I'm really tired of it and my gay friend passed away.

I cannot trust any man. Even on this site it's happened in the most devious way, with the unsolicited pictures and demands for cam sex. I just wish to not be having to always deal with it.

Someone saying some men only want pleasant companionship sounds so completely unrealistic to me as if they must be on a different planet from the one I'm one. My bf is now trapped in another country and I'm relieved. Even from him it was getting to me.

Society is messed up. Trust no one!

Only let time allow you to lower your guard slowly to someone.

 

[Goodbye710]

I have not found any man who wants to be with a woman, in a relationship, without sex who is straight. And I'm a "quality woman".

It's sad what society has come to. I will never have sex in my life again for spiritual reasons. I am not asexual either. But I won't make friends with women anymore either. Things get too weird.

But you can go online and other men say similar to what I have said.

 

[Makko]

But you can go online and other men say similar to what I have said.

What people say online and what they do in real life has very little correlation. It's easy to be a philosopher of virtue in front of the keyboard. It's not so easy to practice virtue in the real world where you are constantly confronted with the fact that being virtuous is bad for you.

 

[elfgyoza]

I'm aroace! I have the double loneliness :)
Joking aside, it is very isolating to be ace and/or aro. Society is so sexualised it's hard not to feel like you're abnormal or broken in some way. Being asexual is actually one of my reasons for suicide, as I get older all of my friends will get partners and I'll just be alone, wallowing in self pity. People tell me that I'll still have friends, but I know they'll never put me first when they have a husband or wife, it's like I'm missing out on something. I wish I was normal, but at least I don't have to deal with keeping up relationships

 

[Goodbye710]

What people say online and what they do in real life has very little correlation. It's easy to be a philosopher of virtue in front of the keyboard. It's not so easy to practice virtue in the real world where you are constantly confronted with the fact that being virtuous is bad for you.

True, many will lie or change their mind as time goes on.

I do believe people randomly talking on the internet on certain subjects when they get no benefit in releasing the information.

For example, men talking about how sex to them they could do without because it's inconvenient or whatever. Not that they are asexual either. Or men who prefer porn over the real thing. Many women complain online about their spouse not wanting to sleep with her and it's not because she's ugly. Or men with medication issue that prevents him from being intimate.

Looking at this forum there are plenty of men talking about wanting to CTB because of loneliness. I'm sure many of these men wouldn't mind not being intimate just so they can have a life partner. Don't form a relationship with someone here but I do believe plenty of these men are legit mixed with a few predators.

I hope my words make sense but the point being, there are plenty of men who don't require sex in a relationship. To hear that women think all men would pass up a life partner if they can't have sex with her is sad to hear. Like saying all women want is a baby or money from a man. A great many do but not all.

Hope that makes sense

 

[Neowise]

@mini_weeny Hey hey, you are not alone!
I'm (f) 25 years old and am most likely asexual. At least I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone or the desire to be in a relationship, pictures of naked people never bothered me. I never understood how people can read the Playboy and get aroused from that. That's why I figured I'd never get into a relationship either and I was fine with it. Well, what can I say... since 2 weeks I'm in a relationship with one of my "former" friends. Life writes weird stories sometimes haha.

Please don't lose your hope, not getting into relationships isn't the end of the world. You hear stories about brutal breakups, betrayal and abuse on a daily basis, perhaps you could excange that for some exciting hobbies? Making friends there and maybe you will even find "the one that clicks", too, just like my friend and me.
Asexuals do still get in relationships and get married, have children etc. Those aren't mutually exclusive!
Either way I'm sure you can find happiness in that matter :) I'm sorry about your hyperacusis though, is there a way to treat it?

========================================

I have known almost every woman interested in me only wants me to give her a baby or to help her financially. However, I know not all women are like this.

I have personally known a number of men who would have been with a woman without wanting sex. It would have been nice for him but the woman would have to have been a quality woman for him to stay. Good personality. Virtuous woman.

Yes, many of these men are lonely to the extent he will overlook the desire for sex in exchange for other ways to bond... just don't give him a hard time for watching porn.

Other men online would have said the same thing. They aren't like the typical men showing off in society. Competing with others. Chest thumping. They may be spiritual. They may have had a hard life and just want a life partner. They may be short and so on.

It's the equivalent of saying all women only want a baby or money from a man. Lots of women do. A huge percentage. Tell most women you're broke and most women lose attraction immediately. Very interesting how many actually. Some women provide their own money to a relationship though. Some women honestly aren't looking for a provider as a primary motivator and some men aren't looking for sex as a primary motivator. It's not a deal breaker for everyone though.

If a man is not a provider he must provide other value to the relationship. Similarly, if a woman does not wish sex, she must provide another value in the relationship. A 100 years ago and earlier, men and women came together to make life easier for each other. Two people were better to navigate the world than one. Some men know this. They are mature in an immature world.

Back massages, enjoying company and such are all ways to bond with each other. Sex is the fastest way but not the only way. Most all married men are in a sexless relationship but do not leave. Why? They do not leave for a reason and many times is because he loves her. He is bonded with her. She enriches his life and he enriches her in other ways outside sex. Ask any old married couple. They look at each other as brother and sister.

Further, a 100 years ago, those women were not the freaks you see these days. Ask an old woman if she ever would have put her mouth on a man and she would have been repulsed. Baby boomers stepped things up where it was more normalized. Gen X more. I'm tail end of gen x and the thing I heard millennials was out there. Now the things I hear gen Z is insane.

Where I'm going with this is society is very immature. Must find some who is mature.

Men find gold diggers and overly pretty women attractive and then complain about those women who used them. Women tend to chase the best looking, the men with the most money and who they can show off to their friends and then they complain about those men because they only want sex.

If you have a good network of male friends, I'm sure you could find a man not interested in sex in a relationship. Men are good at finding women a quality man. Us men know what other men are like. If they are quality or not. If we can trust him. Same way women understand what other women are like.

But the best way for those asexual looking for a life partner, probably best is to sign up with that online group mentioned earlier in the thread.

Women don't understand what it's like being a man. Men are born into this world extremely hostile for every single one of us. We then get testosterone flowing through us to help us navigate this world but their is a downside. Imagine tensing your body from 20-70 years old. Sex allows men to release that tension. It is not the only way to release that tension however and bond with a woman.

Men nurture women through being a provider and women nurture men through sex. However, not every woman wants a provider and not every man wants sex. We can nurture each other through other means.

When men say they want a woman who can cook. It has nothing to do with her being a servant. We know how to make our own food. But it feels nice that a woman cares enough about us. It feels nice that she cares enough to do something for us. It feels nice. It has nothing to do with wanting to be mothered either.

No a woman doesn't have to cook. No she doesn't have to clean. We can do it ourselves. For some men, doesn't even need sex. Just don't shame men for porn.

Further, there are even some men who prefer porn because it's easier and other reasons.

You, I like you. You have put a lot of thought into the entire topic and understand more than most people do.
I'm glad that even though you've had bad experience with women yourself you understand that not all women are the same, and not all men are angels either. It's great that you look at both sides of the medal. Very philosophical, I agree with most things you said.

 

[bea1974]

Not all men, and not all women, and also not all genderqueer/non-binary people! Because every human being is unique, obviously.

I am 99% asexual but am a bit of a (closet) romantic.

I have been single for 11 years, but I have a close friend who shares my bed sometimes (when not in lockdown).

She is asexual too, but strongly anti-romantic, unlike me!

We just read our books, and go to sleep, and then we have breakfast together. It's really nice, and I cherish that friendship.

There's no romance though. Ideally I would like to have a romantic, asexual, partner but due to low self esteem, fear, and trauma I do not seek one out.

I'm only sharing this in order to say : there is hope, and anything is possible in this world, if you are willing to take risks and put yourself out there. There are message boards and dating sites for ace people where it's possible to find friends and/or romantic partners, or at least I believe this is so.

ETA: I also have physical and mental "disabilities" as do several of my friends, and some of them have loving partners.

Eta 2: I still intend to ctb nonetheless. That's my personal decision. Nobody can or should try to tell you if you should or shouldn't ctb, whatever your reasons are.