GASLIGHTER7000
august
- May 1, 2025
- 15
my anxiety is destroying me. as the years have past it's only gotten worse and worse. my anxiety is part of the reason i've lost most of my friends and struggle to go outside. i cry so much over the thought of what my life has become, doing anything to avoid stressful situations. when i'm put into a situation that is unfamiliar or stressful, i freeze up and start crying. i hate how sensitive i am--- sometimes i think i'd rather commit suicide than struggle in life. i lie in bed crying so often, thinking about all the painful things that will be in my future. i don't know how to explain it, but i feel like this long term stress i've made me dumber as well. i can't write as eloquently as i used to, i used to be able to write for hours and loved my work, and now i can't. i also drew, and i've let go of that too. i was so proud of myself and my abilities, and now i feel like a shell of a person, lacking any of the old talent and passion that she used to have. i go through everyday thinking about past and dreading the future. i feel suffocated in my own body. i keep thinking, if i just kill myself i'll never have to suffer again. all it would take is a bit of courage and it could all be over. i'm not afraid of the nothingness that comes after death, i'm afraid of the process of it. i'm scared the pain will be excruciating, but maybe a second of pain is worth it.
