No, you are not selfish for not wanting to be here anymore. I, too, have children, three of them, five and a half, two and a half, and nine months old, and not even they can make me want to be here. In fact, sometimes they stress me out so much that it exasserbates my desire to leave even more. I can totally relate to your post about anxiety killing you. Mine's really bad, too. I'm blind and have always had noise sensory issues, and my anxiety has gotten so bad that I literally have to wear earplugs whenever I leave my house because the traffic sounds and everything else makes me just filled with panic-
No, you are not selfish for not wanting to be here anymore. You are suffering, just like the rest of us. I, too, have children, three of them, and I don't want to be here anymore either. They are five and a half, two and a half, and nine months old, and, I hate to say this, but often times they stress me out so much that they actually exasserbate my great desire to end this existance. Lately, I have just been avoiding them altogether because all they do is whine, cry, and make me anxious. My anxiety is really severe, too. I am blind and also suffer from noise sensory overload issues. It's so bad that I have to wear earplugs whenever I leave my house because the traffic sounds and everything else that goes along with living in a city literally gives me panic-induced nausea. Many say that it's not very safe for a blind person to walk around wearing earplugs, but I have no other choice. I wouldn't be able to leave my house otherwise. My anxiety started at the age of nine. My stomach used to hurt so bad I'd cry and wouldn't eat. My mom thought I was just being difficult and would get mad at me because the doctors kept telling her I was underweight and she would tell them I was refusing to eat, but neither of us knew what was wrong. I just thought I constantly had the flu, and my mom thought I was just an extremely picky eater. Anxiety really does suck, and I'm deeply sorry that you are going through this. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk or vent, I'm here for you. And thanks for this thread. Lots of us on here can relate. Oh, and please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. Show yourself lots of love and remember that you are not selfish, you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation. I know it's easier said than done, being nice to yourself. It's a constant struggle for me to be nice to myself, too, but I try because who else will be kind to us, right? Nobody else really knows the hell we endure on a constant basis. Bye for now, please take care. Cupcake
