Anxiety About Death

[cemeteriesinlondon]

ive never posted here before so hoping that this is a good start :)

I am so severely suicidal. I won't get into too much detail here about it, but lets just say im not in the best position. ( Trans and gay with unsupportive family, severe depression, anxiety, cptsd, BPD, currently homeless, ect ect )

How should I go about getting over my fear of death? every single time I think about dying to any extent, be it natural causes, ctb, ect, I always get such conflicting emotions.

On one hand, I get a wave of calm and peace thinking about how much better everything would be if I didn't have to worry about anything anymore.

on the OTHER hand, I get such crippling unshakeable fear. such a deep gutteral fear, to the point ive sobbed and thrown up just over the thought.

so if anyone has any advice about how I could get over/lessen this fear, that would be so lovely :) even if it isn't for the purpose of ctb, it would be nice to be able to think about the mere concept of death without crying lol

 

[sadjenny]

That's SI, my friend. Even ordinary people can't ever fully think about death. We live in a society that likes to stick their collective head in the sand about it and pretend we each will live forever.

I was actually talking to someone about this the other day. They're using a sort of desensitization to make the idea less frightening. Picturing their death over and over to get used to it, if that makes sense. We didn't speak in detail on their methodology, but I imagine it's similar to getting over any other phobia through exposure therapy. Just... 100x harder.

I wish I had something more helpful to say. I'm sorry friend.

 

[cemeteriesinlondon]

That's SI, my friend. Even ordinary people can't ever fully think about death. We live in a society that likes to stick their collective head in the sand about it and pretend we each will live forever.

I was actually talking to someone about this the other day. They're using a sort of desensitization to make the idea less frightening. Picturing their death over and over to get used to it, if that makes sense. We didn't speak in detail on their methodology, but I imagine it's similar to getting over any other phobia through exposure therapy. Just... 100x harder.

I wish I had something more helpful to say. I'm sorry friend.

thank you sm :) your words mean a lot <3

 

[TheSadGoose]

death can be scary, but it's a part of life. i wish i could lessen your fear of death but i don't think i can. do you know where your fear of death comes from? are you scared of what comes after or are you scared of dying, being in pain, suffering or whatever happens when you die?

if you're scared of what happens after death, then i can't help you, because nobody knows, but it might be peaceful for all we know
but if you're scared of dying (whether by ctb or natural causes), idk how to help there, i wish i could give you some advice but i, myself am pretty clueless when it comes to this

but i hope you figure it all out and overcome your fear of death. i wish you all the best, take much care and stay safe <3

 

[cemeteriesinlondon]

death can be scary, but it's a part of life. i wish i could lessen your fear of death but i don't think i can. do you know where your fear of death comes from? are you scared of what comes after or are you scared of dying, being in pain, suffering or whatever happens when you die?

if you're scared of what happens after death, then i can't help you, because nobody knows, but it might be peaceful for all we know
but if you're scared of dying (whether by ctb or natural causes), idk how to help there, i wish i could give you some advice but i, myself am pretty clueless when it comes to this

but i hope you figure it all out and overcome your fear of death. i wish you all the best, take much care and stay safe <3

thank you sm :( its more of a fear of what comes after honestly, my biggest fear is regretting my decision after its too late to go back

 

[TheSadGoose]

thank you sm :( its more of a fear of what comes after honestly, my biggest fear is regretting my decision after its too late to go back

i get that fear sometimes as well, but i try to think of the positive things about death. this feels wrong saying it to a different person lmao but yeah, wish i had more to say or a way to help you

 

[tiredangelgirl]

I feel like you definitely shouldn't make any decisions because of your current situation. you're going through a lot, I can't even imagine. i'm not gay or trans, but my best friend is trans and i've seen his struggles. i've been homeless. you're really getting hit hard with life right now. but if the thought of ctb, makes you physically sick and shake with anxiety don't act on it. I never "encourage" people to do it unless they're in a really solid, stable place about it. your entire world may change in a couple months. i'm not a pro lifer by any means but don't force yourself to ~get used to the idea~ just to do it. if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't your time. I hope life gets a lot better for you and of course we're always here no matter what happens


there's a lot of methods discussed on here, but if you think you may do something and then panic and regret it when it's too late, that's no way to go out. you should ctb feeling at peace and like you made the right choice. I would wait it out dude honestly

 

[cemeteriesinlondon]

I feel like you definitely shouldn't make any decisions because of your current situation. you're going through a lot, I can't even imagine. i'm not gay or trans, but my best friend is trans and i've seen his struggles. i've been homeless. you're really getting hit hard with life right now. but if the thought of ctb, makes you physically sick and shake with anxiety don't act on it. I never "encourage" people to do it unless they're in a really solid, stable place about it. your entire world may change in a couple months. i'm not a pro lifer by any means but don't force yourself to ~get used to the idea~ just to do it. if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't your time. I hope life gets a lot better for you and of course we're always here no matter what happens


there's a lot of methods discussed on here, but if you think you may do something and then panic and regret it when it's too late, that's no way to go out. you should ctb feeling at peace and like you made the right choice. I would wait it out dude honestly

thank you SO MUCH. im not actively suicidal in this very moment so im not thinking about cbt anytime soon it was sort of just a general thing. but this speaks to me SOO MUCH. you have a very lovely warm energy, like parental?? its very nice idk how to say it w/o sounding weird

 

[tiredangelgirl]

thank you SO MUCH. im not actively suicidal in this very moment so im not thinking about cbt anytime soon it was sort of just a general thing. but this speaks to me SOO MUCH. you have a very lovely warm energy, like parental?? its very nice idk how to say it w/o sounding weird

haha that's such a compliment i'm not a parent but I would say i'm a good friend and I care a lot. watching my best friend going through transitioning was so tough seeing his struggles but he passes now and has for years so i'm sure it'll get easier for you too. life is unfair and I wish I could make everyones on here problems magically go away

 

[PrettyKitty]

I know your struggle I have BPD and Anxiety and many other things too. I also want to die but am having anxiety/fear over it. Personally I'm trying to less the anxiety by reminding myself that living is worse than dying. I really hope you don't come to that and I hope things get better for you. if it does come to that I hope you go out peacefully. Much Love <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really think that people should ever fear death as after all, it's all that we are destined for, there is no escaping from our inevitable fate which is to cease existing. Life is just a futile process that exists as a tragic consequence of evolution, I very strongly believe that once we die we just return to the state of permanent nonexistence and to me this is so incredibly ideal. Nobody can be harmed by death and there are no disadvantages to being dead, death solves what the true problem is which is life in itself.

 

[Haruka]

Death is so hard to think about, most people who are desperate to CTB are not even always brave enough to think about it properly, which is very realistic. There is not a lot you can do unfortunately to stop the fear, but maybe if you could sit around and come to think about it more by yourself it might get better. After years of crying and self harm, I'm much more at peace with the thought of CTB, hopefully you will be too one day

 

[Shadowlord900]

thank you sm :( its more of a fear of what comes after honestly, my biggest fear is regretting my decision after its too late to go back

If you don't mind me asking, what is it that can happen after your attempt that you fear the most?

1) Is it the possibility of your suicide method failing and you end up in a worse position that you're already in?
2) Is it no longer existing after you succeed?
3) Is it after succeeding, you turn up in a world/existence that ends up being worse than the one you're currently in?

 

[KarmicRain]

for me, losing SI was something like apathy, experience, or overall coming to terms with feeling that not being here is better than being here.
apathy's a problem i had for a while alongside massive mood swings, but in turn fear of death wasn't really a problem for me. just lack of fucks about anything else.
The 2 times i was close were a vastly different experience: the first time i cried my eyes out and the second felt serene. only reason i didn't follow through is my family.
coming to terms is something that take a "normal person" a lifetime to get to. others just kinda hit it sooner when they're just sick of it and can't see themselves living any better than their current reality.
time's also a big factor: after you cry your eyes out enough you start caring less when you think about it and the more you do the more clear about it you become.

if there's still light at the end of the tunnel for you, you don't have to keep thinking about ctb: focusing on any alternative's generally better. Especially since you might have regrets: if that's the case they're a bigger reason for you to stay around than not to.