another thread: anyone else HAVE to die?

[the_final_countdown]

I have to as well. I was already a really sensitive person too. I was bullied as a child and had anxiety and OCD and agoraphobia. And then I developed a disability, Tinnitus. Every day is suffering now, for the past 5 years. I don't have the strength for this life. The anxiety is overwhelming and unbearable.

I had obsessive thoughts and currently have tinnitus. I found cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to help with it but I understand everybody is different and wouldn't even presume to compare the level of suffering is the same.

And to be honest, after a tortuous couple of months, the ringing faded into the background. Like wearing pants. I didn't really do anything other than watching YouTube videos and reading books. But I understand not everybody has the same reaction.




You have my sympathies friend. Big hugs.

 

[Okami]

Death has definitely felt less like a want and more like a need as time has passed. My physical (and mental) condition gets worse every year, and I can't and don't want to imagine what my life will be like several years from now. Everything is already unbearable as it is. The belief that I will finally be happy in the afterlife makes it even harder to wait for the opportunity.

 

[LainIwakura]

yea one of the reasons i want to cbt is that i dont want to hit 19+ yrs

 

[Weary Soul]

Like living will inevitably lead to very unfavorable things (in the near future) and you must die before they happen.

I keep trying to suck one more day out of my life each day. It feels like I'm the living dead. If I do not die I will face a lot of trauma. I am not built with mental or emotional fortitude. I am weak. So I must die or end up in a ward at a young age and that cannot happen.

I apologize for constant posting. I may attempt tonight. I believe my sn may be impure so I may just sleep it off and that small chance may give me the guts to take the swig.
I realize I've made this same thread (or very similar) several times lol. I am sorry.

I am in the same boat. I have two, realistic choices at the moment - die a slow death on the street because I will shortly be homeless or die by my own hands.

I too keep trying to suck just one more day out of life. I do not really want to die, but the alternatives are horrific to me.

No need to apologize. Please post as much as you need to. IMO, knowledge is power, and the more times you post, the more information and power you may get to help you one way or another.

I do not see anyone here as weak, including you. The decision to take one's life IMO, is the hardest decision anyone will ever have to make, let alone act on it. So many say that suicide is the easy way out. I could not disagree more, it takes incredible strength.

<3

 

[the_final_countdown]

I am in the same boat. I have two, realistic choices at the moment - die a slow death on the street because I will shortly be homeless or die by my own hands.

I too keep trying to suck just one more day out of life. I do not really want to die, but the alternatives are horrific to me.

No need to apologize. Please post as much as you need to. IMO, knowledge is power, and the more times you post, the more information and power you may get to help you one way or another.

I do not see anyone here as weak, including you. The decision to take one's life IMO, is the hardest decision anyone will ever have to make, let alone act on it. So many say that suicide is the easy way out. I could not disagree more, it takes incredible strength.

<3

Before I came on here, I didn't know there was a term for overcoming the survival instinct. All I knew was that I couldn't even will my mind to begin making plans.

Like even the act of turning a corner to purchase rope at a store was filled with so much pain. I never realized the mind had so many psychic barriers to self-destruction.

So I often think about those individuals who managed to overcome those barriers. People who jumped off parking garages and hung themselves.

I can only imagine they have overwhelming force of will (or worse), were in so much pain, they could overcome SI.

I can't even begin to imagine how much pain you'd have to be to overcome that sensation.

I've suffered so much and still struggle to close the gap.

 

[Kat!]

I'm afraid I have no life ahead of me, at least I believe so, so yes.
There's no possible career route I have at all, I just live day by day for now.

 

[the_final_countdown]

I'm afraid I have no life ahead of me, at least I believe so, so yes.
There's no possible career route I have at all, I just live day by day for now.

I know the feeling.

I could bear this life if I was a monk with no responsibilities. I think I could bear it. With no expectations of the future. Nothing on me. Light as air.

Or perhaps as a terminally ill patient resting in hospice. Watching Netflix while dozing in and out of pain, surrounded by loved ones when I'm mostly conscious.

It's the living that horrifies me. A broken body and almost broken mind. It's just so much to take in.

 

[I screwed up]

Before I came on here, I didn't know there was a term for overcoming the survival instinct. All I knew was that I couldn't even will my mind to begin making plans.

Like even the act of turning a corner to purchase rope at a store was filled with so much pain. I never realized the mind had so many psychic barriers to self-destruction.

So I often think about those individuals who managed to overcome those barriers. People who jumped off parking garages and hung themselves.

I can only imagine they have overwhelming force of will (or worse), were in so much pain, they could overcome SI.

I can't even begin to imagine how much pain you'd have to be to overcome that sensation.

I've suffered so much and still struggle to close the gap.

Completely feel the same , overcoming SI has been my biggest challenge ... Ordering SN has been such a challenge for me ..the thought itself is terrifying for me although I know ctb is my only option sonnet or later

 

[demuic]

Like living will inevitably lead to very unfavorable things (in the near future) and you must die before they happen.

I keep trying to suck one more day out of my life each day. It feels like I'm the living dead. If I do not die I will face a lot of trauma. I am not built with mental or emotional fortitude. I am weak. So I must die or end up in a ward at a young age and that cannot happen.

I apologize for constant posting. I may attempt tonight. I believe my sn may be impure so I may just sleep it off and that small chance may give me the guts to take the swig.
I realize I've made this same thread (or very similar) several times lol. I am sorry.

I just realized I will probably have to CTB around August 2021 because of certain circumstances regarding how I might have messed up my future.